Whether it is due to students dealing with trauma or not, what we say matters. Most students need empathy to deal with things that we might not consider to be a problem. If you want to keep your relationships strong to help improve everything from behavior to academic performance, you have to start saying the right thing. 

What we say could make or break our relationship with a student and repairing relationships takes time that could be spent in other ways. 

If a student says…                                                                  Then say this….  

I failed my science test.”                                                                           "That really sucks! I'm sorry to hear that"

“My friends won’t sit with me at lunch.”                                         "I'm sorry you're going through this." 

“No one wants to be my friend.”                                                          "That must be hard."

“I let my dog out, and she didn’t come home.”                          "Our pets are family. It makes me really sad to hear that this happened."

“My mom and dad are getting a divorce.”                                     "I can see how this will be difficult."

“My grandpa is dying.”                                                                              "My heart hurts for you."

“My dad is going to prison.”                                                                   "I can't imagine what you are going through."

Empathy is a factor in every encounter you have with students. 

Ask yourself, these questions (Reiss, 2018)

• What is the person feeling?

  • Become a good listener and observer

  • Look at body language, listen for tone of voice, and facial expressions all give you clues

  • Remain open, make eye contact, and use a soothing tone

• Have I ever felt this way?

  • Think about a time you felt the same way. 

  • Age, gender, or experience doesn't matter, the human condition allows for all of us to have similar feelings about diverse experiences. 

• How would I want to be treated?

  • Golden rule 

  • If you don't have the same experience, imagine it 

  • Treat others with kindness, respect, love, and compassion.

  • It will help to build trust that they will need to provide you with more information and create a relationship

• Do go deep inside yourself and relate to someone else

• Do show vulnerability, you can't be empathetic without it

• Do not promise to punish the offender

• Do not offer advice

• Do sit with the student, acknowledge their feelings, and let them know they belong