Opinion

The INSIGHT class and their crimes

Zoe Kohler, Video Producer | 04/22/2022

Welcome to the production company: Hook Studios. The company has recently been charged with alleged tax fraud, multiple high-personnel in the company are being detained, questioned, and are receiving court dates. Here is what we know.

Emery Bigler (One and only Chief Editor)

Role in Company: CEO of Hook Studios

Information: Looks like a cinnamon roll but would embezzle money, blame you, and get away with it. Basically the mastermind of the company, and runs it flawlessly. She is relatively quiet but knows everything about what is going on in the company- she knows exactly what happens before it happens.

Involvement: Was her idea to commit tax fraud.

What happened: “Conveniently” on vacation when the FBI comes to arrest her- she is never seen again; however, three months later, Bridget Relgib becomes the new CEO of a production company in England, it is instantly successful and the CEO looks a lot like a certain someone…

Nicole Dirkse (INSIGHT Teacher)

Role in Company: President of Hook Studios

Information: Is the head of the company and works closely with Sol and Emery to make sure business runs smoothly. Spends a lot of her own money and time investing in the company and their employees, making herself available to anyone who needs help or is struggling.

Involvement: Didn’t know about the tax fraud but had a sneaking suspicion that something was off because Hanna and Josey were weirdly quiet around her.

What happened: Would successfully talk her way out of going to jail and have the courtroom applaud by the time she was done talking. She retires from big business life and starts her own realtor business.

Erin Berg (Catch Host)

Role in Company: HR of Hook Studios

Information: Runs therapy sessions and is a participant herself. Always gets work done but has to tape herself to a chair to get herself to focus. She makes sure to talk to everyone and makes them feel comfortable in their company.

Involvement: Was the communication liaison between key players in the tax fraud plan.

What happened: Would only get a couple months of parole as she only communicated through Gilmore Girl quotes and no one can figure out what was being said, the only reason they know it has something to do with tax fraud is the conversation was called “Tax Fraud Babes”.

Sol Eklund (Design Editor for the Hook)

Role in Company: COO (Chief Operating Officer) of Hook Studios

Information: Company would not run without them- some are convinced they built the company with their bare hands. Blasts music when they work and are going half-deaf because of it- you will have to shout or tap them to get their attention. The company also has a required dress code that doesn’t allow jeans or boots and those are the only thing Sol consistently wears- no one comments on it.

Involvement: Volunteered to run the tax fraud plan after Emery came up with the idea.

What happened: Would get sentenced to jail for 50 years without a trial because they forgot to get a lawyer and sign up for a court date; however, they escape after two days and no one knows how they did it. Bribed their way to Canada and started their own design business.

Zoe Kohler (Editor/Producer for Bait & Catch)

Role in Company: CTO (Chief Technology Officer) of Hook Studios

Information: Handles all the tech in the company. Doesn’t always know what she is doing, but Google exists, so there's that. Strong believer that powering things off fixes them and if it doesn’t, then Google. Often found in her office with a disassembled piece of tech around her watching a youtube video on how to fix it or calling her friend at MSOE.

Involvement: Protected all company tech from federal hacking to investigate the company.

What happened: Was watching a youtube video on how to protect your computer from the government which flagged the company and put them on an FBI watchlist- eventually got some sort of protection up (the YouTube video actually helped). Ended up having a panic attack under her desk which helped her evade federal agents- now works for the production company in England run by Bridget Relgib.

Kiley Clarquist (Bait Host)

Grace Roncke (Bait Host)

Elena Wille (Bait Host)

Roles in Company: Project Managers for Hook Studios

Information: Does all their work while manically laughing in the corner. They always seek out to help people and do all different types of projects (sometimes forgetting about their own work). Dirk has them do press conferences together and they start finishing each other's sentences; the press is alarmed, so they have to do them individually now.

Involvement: Oversaw all documents (tax forms, money spreadsheets, etc).

What happened: Avoided their court date by staking out in a coffee shop. They changed their entire identity in the bathroom using fake passports and IDs created by Kiley. Melvin, Calvin, and Bob all moved to Canada and started a Co-op where they create podcasts about the best way to farm vegetables.

Sarah Jacobs (Web Design)

Role in Company: Finance Manager for Hook Studios

Information: Keeps Sol’s sanity together while adding to the chaos of the office. Missed half a year of work because she was evading law enforcement for forging Dirkse’s signature to buy a disco ball for the office- the disco ball creates great ambiance for productive work and is helpful during Friday morning office dance parties.

Involvement: Helped Sol organize and run the tax fraud plan.

What happened: Faked plausible deniability in court and became a media star through the televised court case. Gets very rich and visits all the ex-Hook Studios employees in her private jet.

Whistle Blowers

Hanna Cutler (Compass Manager)

Josey Wiggins (Compass Manager)

Role in Company: Marketing/ Public Communication Managers

Information: Got their jobs by performing a skit in their job interview. The first thing they did in the company was scrap the entire web page and re-design it- forgetting to communicate to Dirk or Emery that they would be without a web page for 3 days.

Involvement: Unintentional whistle blowers. Can not stop talking about the plan after they got CC’d on email telling them not to talk to anyone about it. Ends up accidentally telling everyone after talking at top volume in a Starbucks with federal agents present.

What happened: Would not go to jail or court for the tax fraud but would end up going to jail for 5 months for evading law enforcement after they realized they told the FBI everything. They end up running a con-business from jail- Sarah is the outside woman that helps them run it.