Seen

Cristina Carrasco

Have you ever been trapped in a dark room, and felt yourself drown deeper and deeper to the point that you can no longer breathe? Has this darkness ever engulfed you in an embrace that feels scarily comforting? The same embrace of a mother who welcomes her child home. That’s how it feels. The chaos in my head is a part of me. It’s the steady beating of a drum that penetrates my walls awaiting to unleash the darkness, tainting my soul, beyond comprehension, and beyond salvation. That’s how I feel, Dr. Fray. I don’t belong to myself anymore. I belong to the voices that consume my every thought. Do you understand? No, because how could you? You’re not me. You’re not sick.

Abstract

Lorelai is a young women who suffers from schizophrenia. After getting treated by Dr. Ernest Fray, she is managing her illness, and living a relatively normal life.

After she receives a suspicious phone call from a stranger who appears to know more about her than anyone else, disturbing messages begin to appear outside her apartment, and she starts to suspect that she is being followed.

When she asks for help from those closest to her, they start to wonder if this is a product of her illness, and just another hallucination. They refuse to believe her claims and leave her to confront an unknown enemy who is dead set in getting into her mind. Now, Lorelai must figure out who he is before he rips the tether to her reality for good

Excerpt

Don’t you know? You brought me here Lorelai. I can’t go away. Goosebumps dotted Lorelai’s skin and she knew she shouldn’t stand there any longer, but she wanted to make sure the stranger would leave. What if she tried to break into her house. Would her parents protect her? Would they be too busy fighting to care?
Why are you crying? You think it’s your fault?

The woman's words were confusing her. She didn’t want to listen to her anymore. She covered her ears once again, no longer interested in talking to the person. She wondered if they were a nosy neighbor? Someone who had heard her parent’s fighting and had gone out to check what the ruckus was all about. Still, she didn’t want to talk with them, she didn’t know them.
She turned around ready to push back the door she had so eagerly escaped from minutes ago, but not before hearing them call out to her once again.

Do you see me Lorelai? I see you.

The words permeated through her fingers, which pressed tightly against her flesh, in an attempt to drown out the stranger. She turned around against her better judgment and saw her again, the woman was still standing there, watching her.

Reflection

At the beginning of the semester I started out with an idea that I had for the capstone project. I was excited as I had plenty to go off of and wanted to get it down on paper. However, upon writing down the first few pages, something changed, and unfortunately I was unable to submit it. I had to start all over and do research for a new project. Something, that was a little difficult was writing the first chapter, as I had multiple ideas, but whenever I tried to put the words down on paper, it wasn't flowing the way I wanted it too. I have never attempted to write the beginning of a full-on novel, and I just found myself getting stuck, over and over again. Fortunately, I was able to get started and the story, although delayed, began to unfold. While working on multiple drafts I was able to continue writing. The feedback from my peers and professors helped tremendously, as I am not sure the project would not be where it is now. This project also helped me dedicate more time to writing, and I will continue to do so in order to get better.

Biography

I'm Cristina and I am currently an undergrad at Channel Islands, majoring in English with an emphasis on creative writing. I began writing when I was in junior high, and realized that I really enjoyed writing. It was difficult for me to finish the stories I was working on because of how many ideas I had. I realized that this could be remedied by delving in the English field itself. I always loved words and the way they can be put together in order to create a bigger meaning.

My goal is to be able to teach at a junior or high school level. I would also like to continue working on my novel. I would like to eventually teach creative writing at the university level, as I believe it is essential to maintain that creativity that we carry as children, in adulthood.

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