Assertive Commands

Reclaim Your Power with AssertivenessJoin Master Instructor Kim Jackson as she shares the practical advice she has learned on her own journey to reclaiming her power with assertiveness. In this webinar, she differentiates between passive, aggressive, and assertive voices. Kim also explains how to find your assertive voice, so you can reclaim your power and give the gift of assertiveness to the children in your care.

Assertive communication with children means expressing expectations clearly and respectfully while validating their emotions. It relies on a "calm, firm, and kind" approach rather than shouting or yielding. This builds trust, encourages cooperation, and teaches children how to advocate for themselves without being aggressive.

Key Strategies for Assertive Parenting

Use "I" Statements: Model and teach your child to express feelings without blaming. Instead of saying, "You are making a mess," say, "I feel frustrated when toys are left out because it makes the room messy."
Maintain Calm Body Language: Speak in a steady, even tone. Make eye contact, keep your shoulders square, and use a neutral, confident posture to show you are serious without being intimidating.
Validate Emotions, Limit Behavior: Allow your child to feel however they want, but be firm about what is acceptable behavior. For example: "I know you are angry that it's bedtime, but it is not okay to hit or yell."
Offer Choices: Empower your child by giving them limited, assertive choices. Instead of demanding they do something, say: "It is time to get dressed. Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?"

Teaching Assertiveness to Your Child

It is equally important to teach your child how to be assertive with their peers. They can learn to navigate playground disagreements and set healthy boundaries:

Saying "No": Teach your child that it is perfectly acceptable to say "No" or "Stop" when someone hurts them, invades their space, or takes their belongings. Practice these boundaries in everyday, low-stakes situations, such as hugging.
The 3-Part "I" Message: Give them a simple framework to express their needs: "I feel (emotion) when you (action). I would like you to (request)". For example: "I feel sad when you don't share. Can I have a turn now?"
Recognizing Communication Styles: Help your child identify the differences among passive (letting people walk all over them), aggressive (bullying or yelling), and assertive (speaking up kindly but firmly) communication styles.

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