Temper Tantrums 

What Is a Tantrum?

A) Triggers – What causes it?

Usually, if a child (or adult – we do this, too) is “throwing a tantrum,” you can pinpoint the main trigger as something that the person wants or needs, which they are not getting.

A classic example is the child in the store who sees something they want, is told they can’t have it, and the child drops to the floor, kicking and screaming. For an adult, it may be a parent who wanted to lie down for a few minutes, and instead their child has just made a massive mess in the kitchen, so the parent yells and slams doors. In reality, the person having the tantrum is also probably on shaky ground already, perhaps hungry or tired or overstimulated, and so the loss of control about getting the thing they wanted sends them over the edge.

B) Motivation – What keeps it going?

In a tantrum, the person may be overwhelmed by the strength of their emotions, yet still retain some control.

They won’t bash their head against the floor, and usually won’t cause extreme damage or injury to people or property because they can still see and hear and maintain some awareness of their surroundings and the power of their own body. They may be motivated to continue the tantrum until they get what they originally wanted/needed, or until it becomes abundantly clear that the tantrum is not working.

In short, the person retains control of their own motivation, even if they may need external help to shift that motivation toward something more constructive.

C) Resolution – What stops it?

While a person experiencing a tantrum may need help with self-regulation to pull themselves out of it, in the end, a tantrum is usually stopped by their own willpower.

In the above example, the parent may use self-regulation techniques such as taking deep breaths, reminding themselves of the bigger picture, calming down while cleaning up the mess, and then apologizing to their child for losing their cool. The child in the store may ultimately realize that their tantrum is getting them nowhere in obtaining the desired item, and so they lose motivation for continuing the tantrum. This may happen even faster if the adult caring for that child can use techniques to help them self-regulate, such as staying calm, redirecting, and using gentle humor.