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The most important thing we can do for children who are very quiet is to find out how they feel. Many children are quiet when they first leave their parents/carers to attend a nursery, but most soon find their confidence and become talkative with adults and then with other children. However, many very quiet children are uncertain about what to do, how to behave and how to talk to other people. They are particularly uncertain about how to talk with adults who are unfamiliar with and other children when they are away from their parents/carers. Initially they may be more aware than other children about high noise levels, how fast some children move around, and are confused by the number of experiences on offer. This can be overwhelming. One of their biggest uncertainties is usually about how to use talk to get an adult’s attention, and keep the adult focused on them when more confident children want to talk too.
Many quiet children are shy. Shy children feel very uncomfortable in new situations, with unfamiliar adults and children, or when asked to take part in new activities when other people are watching them. However, they become able to join in and talk if they are given the chance to practise new activities, and once they get to know and trust adults and other children. Shy children are more concerned than confident children about making ‘mistakes’. They have a particular worry that adults and other children may think negatively about what they might do or say. Shy children do not actively choose to opt out of activities where they feel uncomfortable, but are overwhelmed by feelings of anxiety and embarrassment: including blushing, sweating, wanting to cry and having an urge to run away or hide.
Most of us have had these feelings at one time or another so are able to be sympathetic. We can differentiate between shy children and those with selective mutism by the way that they react over time. With sensitive support and encouragement, shy children become more confident about joining in and talking.
How to Support
How to Support
Practitioners can support young people to develop good communication skills and gain greater confidence through,
activities that are playful and encourage smiles and laughter
joining in songs and rhymes
manipulating a puppet or soft toy – it’s easier to whisper to a soft toy than to answer an adult
pretending to be someone else – who has more confidence and can speak when spoken to.
*participating in an interaction by simply listening and doing
speaking about them positively to others - "this is Fiona she speaks well at home and we are helping her to find her confidence here"
*It is a child’s right to remain silent and allowing them to be able to participate in an interaction by listening and doing rather than speaking, while the adult puts words to their actions and facial expressions and uses their body language to signal that they have understood them – this will build confidence through interactions that are positive, shared and understood saving the children from painful silences and requests to speak or repeat themselves.
Silence can be a temporary response to uncertainty and these sensitive types of interaction usually lead to increasingly verbal exchanges with attentive practitioners and with other children
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