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Bereavement by SUICIDE
Bereavement by SUICIDE
When someone within any community dies by suicide, it sends ripples through the whole community in ways that other kinds of deaths don't and the impact of the bereavement is often further reaching. In the event of a death by suicide, the grieving process for those that cared for the person can be complicated for a number of reasons.
Shock and Trauma: Suicide is often sudden and unexpected, which can be deeply shocking and traumatic, making it harder to process and accept the loss.
Intense Emotions: The grief after a suicide is often accompanied by overwhelming emotions like anger, guilt, and rejection. These feelings can be more intense compared to other forms of loss, complicating the grieving process.
Unanswered Questions: Suicide often leaves loved ones with unanswered questions, such as "Why did this happen?" or "Could it have been prevented?" This uncertainty can lead to ongoing frustration and difficulty finding closure.
Stigma and Isolation: Suicide is sometimes stigmatised, leading to judgment or misunderstanding from others. This stigma can make it harder for those grieving to talk openly about their loss, leading to feelings of isolation.
Complexity in Support: The grieving process can be further complicated when children are involved or when there is a need for involvement from a coroner, adding legal and logistical challenges that delay or disrupt the natural grieving process.
You can help children and young people through this difficult time by:
Validating Confusing Feelings
After a suicide, it's common to experience intense emotions such as anger, guilt, rejection, and frustration. Help reassure children and young people that these feelings are normal and part of the grieving process.
Developing Coping Strategies
Children and young people may cope better with their grief when they are supported to maintain healthy connections with the person who has died. At school this might look like allowing them to talk about their lost loved one, share memories and perhaps pictures with staff and friends.
At home this could look like creating new family traditions that celebrate their life, spending time in places that held meaning or comfort, returning gently to hobbies or activities that bring moments of pleasure or routine.
Watching for Risky Behaviour
The pain of loss, particularly following a suicide can cause young people to gravitate towards risk taking, such as drinking, drug use or offending. Be watchful for this as it may indicate that they need an increased level of support. This can be arranged by their family and can be supported by school. Information on how to access additional support can be found on the our Mental Health Information Point website:
https://sites.google.com/edubuzz.org/mhwb-information-point/home
Dealing with Questions
It’s natural to question why the suicide happened and if it could have been prevented. Expressing these thoughts in writing, or through some other means of externalising can help organise and make sense of them. Talking to someone about these thoughts can also help.
Checking In
Regularly checking in with a child or young person following any bereavement is always an important part of supporting them. However, after the suicide of a loved one, the risk of suicidal thinking in those bereaved increases. Those of us supporting children and young people bereaved by suicide should be mindful of this and if we have concerns, ask the child or young person.
Guidance on how to discuss suicidal thinking with a child or young person can be found here.
Providing Information
Children and Young People may or may not want to know details about the death. It's important to meet them where they are and provide honest, age appropriate information. Balancing this with the wishes of the family of the bereaved can be challenging. It's ok to say you don't know, that you will get back to them and then seek support/guidance for yourself first.
This webpage from Winston's Wish could be helpful to read before talking to a child or young person about someone's death by suicide.
https://winstonswish.org/how-to-explain-suicide-to-children-and-young-people/
Knowing When to Seek Additional Support
Not every child or young person who experiences a bereavement by suicide will need professional intervention. The best and most effective support often comes from within existing networks of trusted adults at home, school and in their community.
If you are not seeing a reduction in distress over time or if there is a delayed escalation in distress, it may be time to seek additional support.
Looking After Yourself
Suicide is naturally a very emotive subject and may be even more so if you yourself have been affected by it in the past. It is important not to carry the emotional weight of this alone. Make use of your own support network, engage in self-care and seek additional support for yourself should you need it.
HopeLine by Papyrus is available 24/7 both for those experiencing thoughts of suicide, those supporting them or anyone bereaved from a suicide.
useful resources
useful resources
These resources are useful but optional pieces of additional reading and sources of support that schools might engage with if felt helpful. These can also be downloaded and provided to staff and/or parents as appropriate. You might also like to read our suicide specific guidance pages found HERE
How to talk to a child or young person about suicide
Communicating-with-young-people.pdfSelf-Harm and Suicide - Parent's Guide
Supporting-Your-Child-A5-Booklet-English-2023.pdfSupport for Workplaces Affected by Suicide
Workplace Suicide Support Flyer Feb 2023.pdfSuicide-Safer Schools - A Guide for Teachers and Staff
Schools-guide-PAPYRUS.pdfNational Suicide Prevention Strategy - Creating Hope Together 22-32
creating hope together 2022-2032.pdfTemplate Suicide Safety Plan
Suicide-Safety-Plan-A5-Booklet-English-2024.pdfResponding to suspected suicide in schools and colleges
samaritans-help-when-we-needed-it-most.pdfPage updated
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