Ways of helping a child or young person

Acknowledge what has happened 

Let the child or young person know that you know of their circumstances. 

Do not be afraid to use the word dead/death.

Provide space/time 

Children and young people will need opportunities to be quiet and process their thoughts.

Normalise their response

Let the child or young person know that different feelings are associated with bereavement and loss. 

There is no right or wrong way to feel. 

Be Clear, Open & Honest

Use simple concrete language that is suited to the child or young person. 

Avoid using euphemisms as they can lead to confusion and increased worry.  

If required, give basic facts without giving too much detail - Be guided by the child or young person’s questions. 

Find out what the child knows and speak with parents/carers about how to support the child. 

You should be aware of any religious understandings of death and loss.

Expect Questions

When faced with loss or change children and young people will ask questions to help them make sense of what is happening. 

This can be challenging for adults. You do not need to have all the answers.

Be Available 

When a child needs to talk. The child may break off from conversation. This is fine. They will come back to it if they want to /when they are ready.  Do not be surprised by their ability to set the grief aside. Play helps children express themselves and release anxiety. Children need to know it is okay to feel happy. 

Allow the right not to talk

This can be difficult. 

Look for opportunities where feelings and emotions can be expressed through creative activities such as drama or play.

Provide Reassurance 

Being supportive/predictable can help make children and young people feel safe.  

Maintaining routines and consistency can also help.

Be prepared to repeat information 

This does not reflect on your response. 

The child is continuing to explore their thoughts and feelings.

Perfume and Aftershave

Spraying the dead person’s aftershave or perfume onto a scarf/hankie or carrying a small item belonging to the person can help provide comfort.

Comfort Cushion

Made from pieces of fabric belonging to the person who has died (shirts, blouses, trousers). 

You can also have a photograph of the person who died printed on the cushion. Hugging the cushion can provide comfort. 

Memory Playlist

A playlist of music that the person loved can be helpful. As a way of connecting with their favourite memories and processing emotions.