Terminal Illness

Talking to children and young people about terminal illness

Telling a child or young person that their loved one is not expected to live, is a very daunting thing to do.

Parents and carers may avoid talking to their children about death for as long as possible as a way of protecting them. However, children watch the adults in their life very closely and will overhear conversations.

Children and young people can sense when things are being hidden and not shared with them which can lead to a sense of anxiousness, confusion and feeling left out.

Avoiding the subject all together might increase the likelihood of children and young people feeling too worried to ask any questions or scared that they have done something wrong. It is important to talk openly and reassure them that this is not the case.

What to tell children and when

  • Try to keep the information clear, simple, and appropriate to the child's age and developmental level of understanding. More information about developmental understanding of death can be found on this page: Developmental understandings of death

  • Be guided by the situation and your child. You could start giving the child more information when they are clearly showing that they need to know more, through asking questions or showing signs of distress.

  • Give your child the information piece by piece, providing them with space and time in between to try make sense of what you have told them.

Other resources

Preparing children and young people for the loss of a loved one is an incredibly hard thing to do. You will know the best way to do this for your own family.

  • Macmillan Cancer Support and Winston's Wish have partnered up to produce a booklet to support parents and carers to have the difficult conversations necessary to prepare a child for the death of a parent or carer. You can find this booklet here.

  • St Columba's Hospice have produced a leaflet with helpful suggestions and advice about how you might approach the topic of incurable illness to children and young people. You can find this leaflet here.

  • The Winston's Wish website has helpful resources and advice for supporting children, young people and families through bereavement by serious illness. These resources can be accessed here.

  • The Child Bereavement UK website contains further information about supporting children and young people when someone they love is not expected to live and this can be found here.

  • Child Bereavement UK have developed the short guidance films below to support families with telling a child or young person when a parent/carer or a sibling is not expected to live.