How To Be A Good Ally

Now more than ever the LGBTQ+ community needs allies, more specifically, teacher and adult allies, as they are teaching the future. In this article, you will read about how you can be a better ally as a teacher or educator.

How to be a good LGbtq+ ally: Teacher EDITION

By Deenie Bulyalert

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

Before I continue, I would like to make known that Hailie Hanson wrote an amazing article last month on "How To Be A Good LGBTQ+ Ally." They list some amazing points that I will not cover here, due to the article already being accessible in their article from last month, but keep in mind that there will be some topics that cross over from theirs to mine. If you have yet to read their article, I would strongly suggest reading that if you would like to know more about how to be a good ally to the LGBTQ+ community.

Click Here To Read Hailie's Article

Pronouns

This topic is a big one, since most of us use pronouns, whether it be he/him, she/her, they/them, etc... We use them one way or another and, sometimes, we call people the wrong pronouns. This is okay, as long as you try to fix it. We all make mistakes. Just make sure to make an effort to correct it. If you are having trouble remembering someone's pronouns or feel bad because you keep getting a student's pronouns wrong, here is what I recommend for you.

Practice with a friend and/or a teacher ally: This can be an incredibly useful way to practice someone's pronouns because you can say it out loud, rather than having to remember it in your head. Repeat it to yourself and use "them" and "their" pronouns in sentences. Just make sure to be respectful to the student and keep personal information they have shared with you out of it.
Communicate with the student and have them keep you accountable: You could talk to the student after class or send them an email saying something along the lines of," Hi! I am extremely sorry that I keep getting your pronouns wrong. I promise I am trying my best. If you feel comfortable, would you be able to keep me accountable and correct me when/if I get it wrong again?" Most people will understand and will help you. It will probably make them feel better knowing that you are truly trying.
Here is something Hailie said in their article and I think it is extremely beneficial: "An easy way to learn someone’s pronouns is to look in a mirror and pretend to greet them with their new name and identity until you memorize it."

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Here are some do's and don'ts with pronouns:

Do not give up: I have seen teachers who don't want to understand or think it is "too hard" to call people by their pronouns. There is absolutely no excuse to disrespect someone by calling them the wrong pronouns, so please do not give up if you keep getting it wrong.
Do ask for help: If you are having trouble understanding or doing things correctly, please do not be afraid to ask for help. If you are planning to do so, please do it in a private.
Do not assume someone's pronouns: Assuming someone's pronouns is the worst thing you can do. If you are not sure or if you want further reassurance about someone's pronouns, please ask. I have seen a lot of people neglect this, including myself sometimes, and it can be incredibly disrespectful.
Do state your pronouns: Stating your pronouns in an email, during class, a meeting, or when meeting a new student can help some students feel comfortable using their own pronouns and it also helps us students call you by the right pronouns.
Do not make a big scene: If you mistake someone's pronouns, please do not make a big deal about it. This can be extremely embarrassing to the student whose pronouns you got wrong. Instead, you can pull them aside after class and apologize for the use of wrong pronouns or make sure to just correct yourself for next time.
Do correct people: If you see a student constantly mistaking another student's pronouns, please don't be afraid to call them out respectfully. Again, do it in private, as this can embarrass both parties and communicate with the student to make sure they want you to talk to the other person who is constantly using the wrong pronoun. We need allies and, sometimes, we are too afraid to advocate for ourselves.

RESEARCH AND QUESTIONS

Researching and asking questions is a big way to really understand the LGBTQ+ community. Not knowing or not understanding is no excuse to disrespect someone and their identity. If you are confused and don't really understand, there is always the internet if you are too afraid to ask someone. Most people are willing to answer questions you have, as well. We understand that some things can be confusing and, sometimes, we don't understand them ourselves, so ask questions when you have one and research when you can. Do not forget to do it respectfully. Here is how you can ask someone if you don't understand: "I am trying to understand *topic*, but I still am confused. Would you be willing to answer some questions that I have to help me better understand this?" I do want to add though, we students (and teachers) are not required to educate you. We may be part of the LGBTQ+ community, but it is not our job to educate you about the LGBTQ+ community.

Social media is also another good way to really get involved in the LGBTQ+ community. Accounts like GLSEN or the Trevor Project are incredible ways to learn more about us.

Confidentiality

If or when a student comes to you regarding anything personal, please do not go around telling all your teacher friends, other students, or anyone else about the things this student confided to you. That is not your place and it will never be your place unless you have reason to believe something bad is happening to the student. It is especially not your place when you are using the experiences other people face to excuse your discriminatory actions. We are, and will never be, your excuse for your own discriminatory acts towards us or other people.

Allies

Find allies, whether they be teachers or students, who are willing to answer questions when you have them. This can be beneficial to you and the other person because you now have the ability to understand concepts when you need to, and your allies know that they have an ally in you.

GET iNVOLVED

Saying you are an ally and being knowledgeable about the LGBTQ+ community is amazing, but it does not benefit anyone when you sit quietly about your support. In the times we live in now, it is incredibly easy to get involved and, if you still don't know how, research and find different ways to get involved. Seek out the PRIDE clubs at your school and see if you can attend a meeting. If you can't, talk to the advisor, ask them questions about anything that you may be confused about. Donate to LGBTQ+ non-profits like the Trevor Project. Getting involved doesn't have to be big, either. It can be having a sticker that shows you are an ally or stating your pronouns when you need to or being the voice to the students if they need help advocating and/or help with a project. There are so many ways to get involved. I have seen way too many people be afraid of getting involved, due to the fear of getting labeled a certain way and/or being looked at differently. I have also seen people who do not want to get involved because they are afraid of being wrong. Again, we make mistakes and, without these mistakes, we cannot grow. We would rather you not know anything about the LGBTQ+ community with the willingness to learn more and get involved than to sit back and be silent about a minority that needs the support from anyone we can get it from.

Pride month

June is Pride month and it is an incredibly easy way to show you are an ally and be involved in the LGBTQ+ community. There will be a lot of people who will talk about it and it is a good time to really celebrate the people in your lives who are part of the LGBTQ+ community. Pride month is our month to finally be recognized as who we want to be. We are human and we deserve happiness and acceptance, just as much as any other human.

Be kind

Kindness, compassion, and respect can go further than you think. We are as human as any other person on this earth and we deserve to be treated as one as much as the next person. Make an effort to understand us and help us work towards a world where we are not afraid to step out of our own homes. Like Hailie said in their article, " We are the change and we are the future. One spark can make a flame and, if you have enough sparks, together we can light up the world one step at a time, and being a good ally drives our future towards peace and acceptance."

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