How To Be A Good Ally

This topic is a big one, since most of us use pronouns, whether it be he/him, she/her, they/them, etc... We use them one way or another and, sometimes, we call people the wrong pronouns. This is okay, as long as you try to fix it. We all make mistakes. Just make sure to make an effort to correct it. If you are having trouble remembering someone's pronouns or feel bad because you keep getting a student's pronouns wrong, here is what I recommend for you.

• Practice with a friend and/or a teacher ally: This can be an incredibly useful way to practice someone's pronouns because you can say it out loud, rather than having to remember it in your head. Repeat it to yourself and use "them" and "their" pronouns in sentences. Just make sure to be respectful to the student and keep personal information they have shared with you out of it.

• Communicate with the student and have them keep you accountable: You could talk to the student after class or send them an email saying something along the lines of," Hi! I am extremely sorry that I keep getting your pronouns wrong. I promise I am trying my best. If you feel comfortable, would you be able to keep me accountable and correct me when/if I get it wrong again?" Most people will understand and will help you. It will probably make them feel better knowing that you are truly trying.

• Here is something Hailie said in their article and I think it is extremely beneficial: "An easy way to learn someone’s pronouns is to look in a mirror and pretend to greet them with their new name and identity until you memorize it."

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Here are some do's and don'ts with pronouns:

• Do not give up: I have seen teachers who don't want to understand or think it is "too hard" to call people by their pronouns. There is absolutely no excuse to disrespect someone by calling them the wrong pronouns, so please do not give up if you keep getting it wrong.

• Do ask for help: If you are having trouble understanding or doing things correctly, please do not be afraid to ask for help. If you are planning to do so, please do it in a private.

• Do not assume someone's pronouns: Assuming someone's pronouns is the worst thing you can do. If you are not sure or if you want further reassurance about someone's pronouns, please ask. I have seen a lot of people neglect this, including myself sometimes, and it can be incredibly disrespectful.

• Do state your pronouns: Stating your pronouns in an email, during class, a meeting, or when meeting a new student can help some students feel comfortable using their own pronouns and it also helps us students call you by the right pronouns.

• Do not make a big scene: If you mistake someone's pronouns, please do not make a big deal about it. This can be extremely embarrassing to the student whose pronouns you got wrong. Instead, you can pull them aside after class and apologize for the use of wrong pronouns or make sure to just correct yourself for next time.

• Do correct people: If you see a student constantly mistaking another student's pronouns, please don't be afraid to call them out respectfully. Again, do it in private, as this can embarrass both parties and communicate with the student to make sure they want you to talk to the other person who is constantly using the wrong pronoun. We need allies and, sometimes, we are too afraid to advocate for ourselves.

If or when a student comes to you regarding anything personal, please do not go around telling all your teacher friends, other students, or anyone else about the things this student confided to you. That is not your place and it will never be your place unless you have reason to believe something bad is happening to the student. It is especially not your place when you are using the experiences other people face to excuse your discriminatory actions. We are, and will never be, your excuse for your own discriminatory acts towards us or other people.

Saying you are an ally and being knowledgeable about the LGBTQ+ community is amazing, but it does not benefit anyone when you sit quietly about your support. In the times we live in now, it is incredibly easy to get involved and, if you still don't know how, research and find different ways to get involved. Seek out the PRIDE clubs at your school and see if you can attend a meeting. If you can't, talk to the advisor, ask them questions about anything that you may be confused about. Donate to LGBTQ+ non-profits like the Trevor Project. Getting involved doesn't have to be big, either. It can be having a sticker that shows you are an ally or stating your pronouns when you need to or being the voice to the students if they need help advocating and/or help with a project. There are so many ways to get involved. I have seen way too many people be afraid of getting involved, due to the fear of getting labeled a certain way and/or being looked at differently. I have also seen people who do not want to get involved because they are afraid of being wrong. Again, we make mistakes and, without these mistakes, we cannot grow. We would rather you not know anything about the LGBTQ+ community with the willingness to learn more and get involved than to sit back and be silent about a minority that needs the support from anyone we can get it from.

Kindness, compassion, and respect can go further than you think. We are as human as any other person on this earth and we deserve to be treated as one as much as the next person. Make an effort to understand us and help us work towards a world where we are not afraid to step out of our own homes. Like Hailie said in their article, " We are the change and we are the future. One spark can make a flame and, if you have enough sparks, together we can light up the world one step at a time, and being a good ally drives our future towards peace and acceptance."