Relationships
We all have different ways of coping with stress. We also have different ways of getting what we need from the people around us when we are stressed. Some of us will want to spend time on our own, others will prefer to be around people who make us feel safer/calmer. That might change for each of us depending on the situation and the other people around us. And that is perfectly normal.
It is the same for our children, the only difference being that what they need from other people also depends on the age and stage of their development. Little ones needs us a lot - teenagers need their friends (but still need us a bit) and so on.
Understanding and responding to these behaviours within a loving relationship can go a long way to helping our brains feel safer when under stress.
Frequently asked questions
Watch the videos below for answers to some of the most common questions we get asked about relationships
faq 1 Ic_bit removed.mp4
My child gets really upset when they leave me/ they have become really clingy
We are often asked about children who get upset when separated from their caregivers. In this video , we talk about reasons for this and gives some tips on how we can help, including:
Giving children an object belonging to you when you are apart.
Talking about how you were thinking about them when you aren’t together.
Going over the timetable of their day with them - being clear about the fact that you will be back together again.
Playing games that help children to learn that when things are not in sight , they aren’t gone forever.
The story book 'The Invisible String' (by Patrice Karst) is a really nice way to talk to younger kids about this.
FAQ2 (1).mp4My child will do anything for a reaction - good or bad!
Sometimes children feel better when you are close to them. Without them even being consciously aware of it, children find ways to keep you close when they need you. Here, we talk about why this happens and gives some tips about what we can do to help, including:
Catching children being good.
Talking aloud about what it looks like they are feeling, why this might be and what you can do to fix it together.
FAQ 3 LC.mp4I feel like my child is like a wee clam. I don’t know what they are thinking and then every now and again they have a meltdown.
It is common for your child to tell you nothing about their day or to open up to you. In this clip, we explain some of the reasons for this and gives some tips to help, including:
Talking about how you feel, why and how you will make yourself feel better.
Commentating on what you see happening for them.
Showing them how to seek help when you feel stressed or upset.
FAQ 4.mp4We had a family crisis recently and since then my child has become really disruptive and won’t behave. Punishment and consequences don’t work. What can I do?
There are times in life when children can respond to events by becoming clingy, anxious or seem to start having tantrums like a toddler again. Here, we talk about possible reasons for this and what can be done to help, including:
Having a tight routine and keeping things the same as much as possible.
Picking your battles - deciding as a family which things (usually behaviours that would make your child unsafe) that you can’t ignore.
Wondering aloud about why they they might be behaving like they are so that they can begin to understand their own feelings.
The infographic below has some helpful advice as well.