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Relational regulation = being with others
Relational regulation = being with others
Once the lower parts of the brain are soothed and have switched off the high “red alert” signals, the next step in regulation is to seek out some company or support from others.
Once the lower parts of the brain are soothed and have switched off the high “red alert” signals, the next step in regulation is to seek out some company or support from others.
Ever wanted to speak to your Mum after you’ve had bad news, or spend time with a friend at the end of a busy day? That is your emotional brain instinctively looking for relational regulation.
Ever wanted to speak to your Mum after you’ve had bad news, or spend time with a friend at the end of a busy day? That is your emotional brain instinctively looking for relational regulation.
Our children are still learning how to do this and so sometimes we need to help them by setting up situations that alow them to be with others when they are stressed.
Our children are still learning how to do this and so sometimes we need to help them by setting up situations that alow them to be with others when they are stressed.
Here are some examples.
Here are some examples.
Being physically close to loved ones, hugs (releases endorphins and oxytocin), having a meal together, jointly doing a task (even shopping or housework counts).
Playing games together (cards, board games, made-up-in-the-moment imaginary games)
Reading together, watching films or TV together - chatting about it during and afterwards
Going for a walk or doing any other kind of exercise together (this is also great sensory regulation so it's a win win!)
Making things together - models, cooking, gardening, doing housework…
Sending or receiving a letter or a greetings card - we all like the kind of “hello” that took someone a bit of time and effort to make.
Stroking your pet (releases endorphins and oxytocin and reduces heart rate and blood pressure as well). Plus they give you unconditional love in return.
a caution about social media
a caution about social media
Social media is a lifeline during COVID19, and our kids were already good at socialising online. But we need to remember people often put the best version of their lives on Facebook etc and don’t tell the world their problems so it can give a false idea of how “perfect” things are for others. In reality nobody has a perfect life. We have to be careful about this for ourselves but especially for our children because they have less life experience so find it harder to judge what is an “airbrushed” version of life.
Social media is a lifeline during COVID19, and our kids were already good at socialising online. But we need to remember people often put the best version of their lives on Facebook etc and don’t tell the world their problems so it can give a false idea of how “perfect” things are for others. In reality nobody has a perfect life. We have to be careful about this for ourselves but especially for our children because they have less life experience so find it harder to judge what is an “airbrushed” version of life.
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