Issues in relationships

What is a family? The U.S. Census Bureau (2019) defines family as “a group of two people or more (one of whom is the householder) related by birth, marriage or adoption and residing together.”

This definition can be broken down into three parts: people, relationships and location. First, people in a family are described in terms of numbers (i.e., two or more people) with one person as the householder. Second, three types of relationships are used in this definition (i.e., birth, marriage or adoption). Lastly, the location is defined as people who reside together.

Does this definition fit with our conception of family? Some of us may consider people who are related to us by blood as family such as parents, siblings or children. But for others, this may not be true (i.e., in the case of adoption, stepchildren/parents or because we are estranged from our blood relatives). Some people might include a partner or spouse as a member of their family. Others may say that aunts, uncles, in-laws, etc. are members of their family.

The number and types of relationships we might include in our own definition of family can also vary greatly. Some of us may include committed relationships, while others may define familial relationships based on legal definitions.

Do we have to live with family for us to recognize them as family members? When a young adult leaves their parents’ or guardians’ home, are they no longer apart of the family? What about when circumstances (i.e., divorce, job relocation, etc.) occur, do people who have previously lived together cease to be family because they don’t live in the same home?

The concept of family is difficult to define. In many ways, our understanding is shaped by our upbringing and socialization. As we mature, our definition may shift as we develop our self-concept and engage in social relationships that may alter the ways we define family.

Table 1

Family types and definitions

Family Roles, Rituals and Stories

Family can also be defined by their practices as a family. This section will explore how family roles, rituals and stories provide a framework for our understanding of family.

Family Roles

Each family decides which members are leaders and which members are followers. In some families, there is a clear hierarchy where one (or more) people are leaders and other members are followers. In other cases, a family may decide to distribute power more equally among its members. Based on the power dynamics within the family unit, members will be given certain rights and privileges and assigned specific obligations and roles.

The roles within a family depend on the people involved and their culture. As a member of a family, our role shapes how we interact with other members of the family unit. Listed below are several roles that may exist within a family (Innerchange, n.d.):

• Hero is a high achiever who can be goal-oriented and self-disciplined. This person is a point of pride in the family, and as a result, may lack the ability to relax or follow others.

• Rescuer takes care of other family members’ needs (i.e., emotionally or as a problem-solver). This person struggles with conflict and may find it difficult to focus on him/herself.

• Mediator attempts to keep peace in the family. This person may act as a buffer between members of the family and may use this role to serve his/her own needs.

• Scapegoat needs the most help (or at least other members of the family thinks so). This person may have a good sense of humor, share feelings openly and be honest at times. At other times, this person may express his/herself inappropriately.

• Power broker works to maintain the family hierarchy with him/herself on top. Controlling the environment is essential for this person.

• Lost child is obedient and passive. This person may lack direction or be fearful of making decisions.

• Clown uses humor in response to family conflict. While this person has the ability to lighten the moment, he/she often hides his/her true feelings from the family.

• Cheerleader encourages other members of the family. This person tries to have a positive influence on others, but balances the energy exerted on others with his/her own needs.

• Thinker provides logical focus to the family but may find it difficult to connect with others emotionally.

• Truthteller reflects the family dynamic as it is. Some members of the family may appreciate this person, while others may be offended when they don’t like what they hear.

We may find that some members of our family don’t fit exactly into one role, and instead they form a hybrid of two or more roles. Our self-concept and the ways we might be most comfortable communicating within our family unit are shaped by the role(s) ascribed to us.

Family Rituals

Familial relationships are built on routines and rituals to create and maintain the social/cultural aspects of the family unit. A family ritual can be any activity the family does together on a regular or semi-regular basis. Wolin and Bennett (1984) described relationship rituals in terms of patterned family interactions, family traditions and family celebrations.

Patterned family interactions are frequent rituals that are not as formal as family traditions or celebrations. Examples of patterned family interactions may include eating dinner together, bedtime rituals and leisure activities (i.e., going bowling or to the movies, playing video games or watching television together, attending sporting events, etc.)

Family traditions are the ways family values, history or culture are shared between members of a family. Traditions within a family tend to be more formal and less frequent than patterned family interactions. Examples of family traditions may include attending a religious service, family reunions, family vacations, going to a specific event each year, etc.

See a sample family story below in Figure 1. How would a story like this inspire her attitudes toward work and prosperity?

Dimensions of Family Communication

Family roles, rituals, traditions and stories both shape and are shaped by our interpersonal interactions. The amount, type, range and depth of conversation between family members varies greatly. Some families may encourage self-expression, while others may expect members of the family to express themselves in a more controlled and limited manner.

Conversation and Conformity Orientations

Koerner and Fitzpatrick (2006) described these familial communication differences in terms of two dimensions: conversation and conformity orientation. Each family may rank higher or lower in each dimension. The family type can be determined based on where the family lands on both dimensions.

Conversation orientation is defined as “the degree to which families create a climate in which all family members are encouraged to participate in unrestrained interactions about a wide range of topics” (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006, p. 54). Families on the high end of this dimension communicate frequently and without many limitations. Conversely, families on the low end of this dimension interact less frequently and in more restrained ways (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2002).

Conformity orientation is defined as “the degree to which family communication stresses a climate of homogeneity of attitudes, values and beliefs” (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006, p. 55). Families on the high end of this dimension emphasize uniformity in beliefs and attitudes. On the contrary, families on the low end of this dimension focuses on individuality and independence from the family unit (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2002).

Familial Types

A family’s orientation toward conversation and conformity result in different family types: consensual, pluralistic, protective and laissez-faire.

A consensual family is high in both conversation and conformity (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006). Children are encouraged to express themselves, but parents maintain their authority in making important decisions. A pluralistic family is high in conversation and low in conformity (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006). In a pluralistic family, children are encouraged to speak and there are less strict guidelines about behavior and decision-making.

A protective family is low in conversation and high in conformity (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006). In a protective family, children are to be seen and not heard, and parents dictate rules in an authoritative manner (i.e., “It’s my way or the highway.”). A laissez-faire family is low in both conversation and conformity (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006). Parents do not invest in their children’s decision-making and children are given great latitude to make their own decisions. In Figure 3 below, you can see how a family can vary according to each type of dimension.

Figure 2

Family Orientation Types

Conclusion

What is a family? As we discovered in this module, the concept of family is difficult to define. It can mean many things to different people. Our family of origin shapes our relationships and interaction patterns during our early years. As we mature, we begin to shape our identities and view of family in potentially different ways. Whether we view our family as traditional or more modern, the members of our family and the relationships we have with them are important aspects of who we are and how we spend our time.

1. Family Roles

Ask students to form groups of (3-5). Give each student in a group a different family role. Ask the students to develop a skit (3-5 minutes) that reflects the different roles within a specific context.

Give the groups 20-30 minutes to work together. Select groups randomly (or ask for volunteers) to present their skit. Debrief the activity after all groups have finished.

2. Rituals and Stories

Ask students to think about their favorite family ritual. After a few minutes, have the students develop a story to exemplify the family ritual. Then ask for volunteers to share their story with the class. After all students have presented their story, ask them:

· Do you think family rituals and stories are important? Why or why not?

· How will you decide what family stories are important?

· What are some of the ways you might preserve those stories?

3. Conversation and Conformity Orientation

Ask student to consider their family of origin in terms of conversation and conformity. What type is their family?

Then ask students to form groups (3-5 students) and discuss how they decided where to place their family of origin in terms of conversation and conformity. After several minutes, ask the groups to discuss what type of family would develop for their family of orientation.

Family roles (n.d.). Innerchange. Retrieved February 25, 2020, from https://www.innerchange.com/parents-resources/family-roles/

Kellas, J.K. (2014). Narrative theories: Making sense of interpersonal communication. In D.O. Braithwaite & P. Schrodt (Eds.), Engaging theories in interpersonal communication: Multiple perspectives (pp. 253-266). SAGE Publishing.

Koerner, A.F, & Fitzpatrick, M.A. (2002). Toward a theory of family communication. Communication Theory, pp. 70-91. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2885.2002.tb00260.x

Koerner, A.F, & Fitzpatrick, M.A. (2006). Family communication patterns theory: A social cognitive approach. In D. Braithwaite & L.A. Baxter (Eds.)., Engaging theories in family communication: Multiple perspectives (pp. 51-65). Sage Publications

Segrin, C., & Flora, J. (2019). Family communication (3^rd edition). Routledge.

Subject definitions. (2019, August 7). U.S. Census Bureau. Retrieved February 23, 2020, from https://www.census.gov/programs-surveys/cps/technical-documentation/subject-definitions.html#family

Wolff, LO. (1993). Family narrative: How our stories shape us. ERIC. Retrieved February 25, 2020, from https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED368002.pdf

Wolin, S.J., & Bennett, L.A. (1984). Family rituals. Family Process, 23(3), 401-420.

Conversation orientation is the degree to which families create a climate in which all family members are encouraged to participate in unrestrained interactions about a wide array of topics.

Conformity orientation is the degree to which family communication stresses a climate of homogeneity of attitudes, values and beliefs.

Consensual families are high in both conversation and conformity.

Family is a group of two people or more (one of whom is the householder) related by birth, marriage or adoption and residing together.

Family of origin refers to people who are related by blood or legal bonds and may include parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews.

Family of orientation refers to people who share the same home and are connected to each other by blood, legal bond or commitment.

Laissez-faire families are low in both conversation and conformity.

Pluralistic families are high in conversation and low in conformity.

Protective families are low in conversation and high in conformity.

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