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Lesson Two: Making it Happen!
Lesson Two: Making it Happen!
Lesson two will help us to understand how play can be a powerful parenting practice; learn ways to help children develop friendship skills; and link building relationships, using positive comments/encouragement, and play to children’s behavior
Have you been trying to “fill/refill” your child’s relationship tank and to increase the use of positive comments and encouragement? How did your child react? How did it make you feel?
In Activity #4 you were asked to write a note of encouragement to yourself, to give yourself a pat on the back for something you did with your child last week. Some of you might find this activity a bit awkward or uncomfortable since we don’t often write encouraging statements about ourselves, but acknowledging positives in ourselves is important for our mental health.
Today, we are going to continue to focus on ways to build positive connections with your children by talking about the power of play. I know that all of you play with your children, but did you ever realize how “powerful” that time can be for your child? We will talk about ways to play with your child that will engage them and be enjoyable for both of you. If you can increase the positive times you have with your child, you can continue to strengthen your relationship, which will make it easier to teach your child new skills and behaviors.
Write in your journal what you think the benefits and barriers to playing with your children might be.
Some advantages might include (examples): Child enjoys it, makes him happy; Increases creativity; Builds positive relationships; Teaches new skills; Shows child how to use social skills and interact with others; Child learns how to problem solve; Parents enjoy it.
Obstacles might include (examples): Not enough time; More than one child, sibling gets jealous; No space to play; Parent is too tired after work to play; Parent finds child’s play boring; Playtime with their child has been more of a struggle than fun; Don’t know how to play .
Obstacles are very real and many parents feel the same way.
Play can benefit your child in so many ways. Play helps build a positive relationship with your child (another example of “filling/refilling” your child’s relationship tank). Through play, you can help your children learn to solve problems, try new ideas, and explore their creativity. In addition, playtime with adults can build a child’s vocabulary so that children can learn to communicate more effectively, which may reduce challenging behaviors. Children also learn social skills such as turn taking, sharing, and being empathetic.
Slide 3: Follow Your Child's Lead
We want to think about play situations where the child is in control and the adult follows the child’s lead. The adult allows the child to organize the play situation! The adult imitates the child’s play and uses “talk” (or play narration) to facilitate attachment, language, engagement, and fun! Talking or play narration is a little like being a sports announcer. When you watch (or listen to) sports, the announcer usually gives a play-by-play account of what is happening. That is the same thing that you would do when you are playing with your child. You would give a play- by-play account of what your child is doing. This helps your child stay engaged in the play situation, builds vocabulary, and makes your child feel pretty special because you are interested in what he/she is playing! All of this helps to build positive relationships and provides lots of opportunities for positive comments and encouragement!
It would be great if you could find at least 10-15 minutes a day to use this type of play with your child!
Even small moments can impact our relationship with our child. Read the example below and see if you can suggest something different:
Scene: Dad is sitting on the couch watching television. He told Max that he would play with him, but started watching television instead.
Max is sitting in front of him playing with Legos.
Max: Makes a Lego structure and holds it up to his Dad. “Look!”
Dad: Not looking at Max but instead looking around Max to see the television, says, “That’s nice.”
Max: Puts the structure closer in front of Dad’s face. “Dad, you didn’t see it. Look, this part moves fast, see…vroom, vroom.”
Dad: Looking at Max briefly. “I see it; now let Dad finish watching his show. Why don’t you play over by the table?”
Max: Looks sad and moves his things over to the table.
What happened?
Was this a positive play situation? Why or why not?
How do you think Max felt?
What was Dad doing?
Was Max’s creative play reinforced?
Did this situation help build a positive relationship?
What could Dad do differently?
What do you think might have happened if Dad had followed Max’s lead and paid attention to his cues?
Let’s find out as we watch a replay of the play situation with Max and Dad!
Scene: Dad turns off the TV and moves over to Max, joining him on the floor. He watches Max and comments on what he is playing with.
Dad: “Max, that is really cool. What is it going to be?” Dad looks at Max and waits for a response.
Max: “It is a super fast airplane. It can go faster than Superman!”
Dad: “Faster than Superman? I’d say that is pretty fast. I like the colors, too. Blue is my favorite color.”
Max: “Mine too. But I also like red, yellow, and white.”
Dad: “Can I build something, too?”
Max: “Yes. You can build an airport.”
Dad: “An airport! Well, I think I need some help. Where should I put it?”
Max: “Ummm…over there. And you can use these blue blocks.”
Dad: Smiles and says, “Thank you. That is very nice of you to share your blocks with me.”
Discussion Questions:
What happened?
How is this different from the first role play?
Was this a positive play situation? Why or why not?
How do you think Max felt?
What was Dad doing?
Was Max’s creative play reinforced?
Did this situation help build a positive relationship?
What could Dad do differently?
Practice these tips:
Tip 1: Follow your child's lead
Tip 2: Talk about what your child is doing
That means describing, commenting and expanding on what your child is doing. Try to limit the number of questions you ask. When you ask a lot of questions, it often stops the play and then the child loses interest or becomes frustrated.
Tip 3: Encourage your child's creativity
Tip 4: Watch for your child's cues
Tip 5: Avoid power struggles
Tip 6: Have fun together
Sometimes it is really hard to let our children be creative when we are trying to teach them names of animals, colors, sounds, etc. We want them to learn! But it is also important for us to sometimes “go with the flow,” follow our child’s lead, and see where he/she goes with the play situation! There will be other opportunities and times to teach your child labels, colors, and sounds. Remember that this is a time for you to have fun with your child, strengthen your relationship, and use positive comments and encouragement (to “refill” his/her relationship tank). This also helps to avoid power struggles.
Parents can also play with their child using the same parenting tips when they are in the car, at the grocery store, or when they are bathing their child (just to name a few routines). For example, your child may pretend that a washcloth is a fish and make it jump in the water and swim under the water. Soap might be fish food! When we take advantage of playing with our child during daily routines, it makes it easier to find time to play. You don’t need expensive toys, either! Think of play as interactions between your child and something else—you!
When children hear positive comments, it leaves a big impression! It makes them feel competent and confident. It is also a good strategy to use in acknowledging and reinforcing good behavior!
Remember that the focus of this week’s session was “Making It Happen!” Last week’s focus was “Making a Connection!” We have discussed many ways for you to make connections with your children. Through these positive connections, we can help our children feel more competent and confident, learn interaction skills, and develop friendship skills. We need to “teach” our children these skills and provide opportunities for them to practice their new skills. These are all really important skills for your children! When they have these types of skills, they are less likely to use challenging behavior! So…let’s go make it happen!
Homework:
Set a play goal for you and your child
Complete Activity #5
Activity #7: start to think about some behaviors that you would like to see less of and more of and ways you can encourage your child to use those behaviors!
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