Lesson Six in English

Lesson Six: Facing the Challenge (Part 2)

Please Sign-In Here 

Welcome back to the Solution for Families series. 

Before we begin, let’s talk about how things are going at home. What strategies have you begun to use, and how are they working? Did you try to use Logical Consequences? How did that go? Have these strategies and strategies from previous session helped you achieve some of your goals from Session 1? 

Challenging Behavior Works! 

Remember that children engage in challenging behavior because it works for them. When children engage in challenging behavior, it is to get something or someone, or to get out of something. We don’t like that they use challenging behavior to express themselves, and often we don’t like the message. For example, if your child has a tantrum in the grocery store because she wants to buy a toy and you said, “No,” we can recognize that the behavior is saying, “I want a toy,” even if we don’t like the message.

Remember to Be a Detective—Try to figure out the meaning of the behavior. 

Examine the Situation

Sometimes it takes a little detective work to figure out what the behavior is about. You have to step back and examine the situation. The clues for discovering the meaning of behavior can be found in 3 things: 

1. What happened before the behavior 

2. What the child did 

3. What happened after the behavior 

Behavior Can Mean Many Things! 

Remember, we may not like the message, but we can identify and understand it. 

Developing a Plan 

Once you can identify the meaning of the challenging behavior, you can identify a plan to change it. For example, if you know the soup is too bland, you can add some spice. If all you know is that it’s “not right,” there is not much you can do about it. We are going to talk about what goes in the plan with a goal of reducing your child’s problem behavior and teaching him or her new skills to use. 

The 3 Essential Parts of the Plan. You should always have 3 parts in your plan.

1) Use prevention strategies to try to keep problem behavior from happening. 

2) Teach your child new ways to communicate or new skills for participating in routines or expectations. 

3) Make sure that your child’s problem behavior won’t work for him or her. 

Prevention 

Here are just a few ideas about what you might use as prevention strategies. Our goal here is to minimize the possibility that your child will use challenging behavior. For example, if your child uses challenging behavior when you say, “Time for bed,” you might give him/her a warning that helps him/her get ready for the final direction of “bedtime.” You might say, “10 minutes to bedtime,” and then 5 minutes later, “5 minutes to bedtime”; and then state the direction, “Bedtime”. It may also help to include choices: “It’s bedtime now; you can choose to read two books or listen to some music while you fall asleep.” It may sound like I am recommending that you are accommodating your child when he is misbehaving. And in some sense, I am. I am recommending that you change the conditions of the task to minimize the likelihood that your child will use challenging behavior. When you do that, your child will be calmer and better able to learn the routine, new skills, or your expectations for behavior. 

Here are some examples of other prevention strategies. 

1. Simplify the task—If you have asked your child to make his/her bed, maybe you could change your expectations and only ask him/her to pull the spread up after you have done the rest. 

2. Explain what will come—If your child has a difficult time at the doctor’s office, you might try to explain through a storybook or with pictures what will happen in the doctor’s office before you get there. 

3. Make your child comfortable—If your child cries when being buckled in the hot car seat, think of some strategies to cool it down before putting your child in it. 

4. Use a job chart—Sometimes getting a string of verbal directions from an adult can set off challenging behavior. A job chart can display what you want your child to do, and you can put stickers on the chart to celebrate the completion of each task. 

5. Show a picture—You will be surprised at how a picture can explain what is coming up next or be used to give a direction to your child. You might use a “sit” picture to remind your child to sit down or a photo of your child doing a routine to let your child know it is time to do that activity. 6. Reduce distractions—Sometimes there is too much going on, and your child can’t pay attention to you or your instructions. For example, you might first turn off the TV, get on your child’s eye level, and then give the instruction. 

7. Offer help—When your child is doing a task that might be hard; for example, getting dressed, offer your help before the whining begins, or remind your child that he/she can always ask for your help. 

8. Prepare the activity ahead of time—Children don’t wait well. Actually, most adults don’t like to wait, either. Prepare activities ahead of time, and minimize your child’s wait time. For example, don’t call your child to the dinner table if he/she is likely to be resistant until everything is ready. 

9. Make the activity fun—Children will do better in activities if it is fun for them. For example, if your child resists bath time, think about making up a silly song, or use a washcloth puppet to help him/her get undressed and in the tub. 

New skills

We are going to use prevention strategies to make the routine easier for the child to do without using challenging behavior, but we are not going to stop there. We can’t just make everything OK or better for children; we also must have expectations for them. Our first effort at teaching new skills is to teach a replacement skill for the challenging behavior. For example, if your child is having a tantrum to communicate “I want a toy,” wouldn’t it be better if he/she just said with words that he/she wanted the toy? 

When We Can’t Honor the Meaning of the Behavior. 

This can be a difficult part of this approach! Your child may want to communicate messages you don’t want to hear. For example, if your child says, “I don’t want to!” when you want him/her to brush his teeth, should we teach him/her to say that? No, we will teach him/her the new skills of following a schedule or using a job chart. But if your child says, “All done!” when sitting at the dinner table, that is better than having a tantrum to get down from the table. You can then say, “One more bite, then all done”. 

New Responses 

When you begin to implement your plan, your child will still have some challenging behavior. It’s not going to change just because you developed a plan. It’s sort of like one of us joining a gym. It’s a good first step, but you won’t lose weight just because you made a commitment to begin exercising! So, you need to make sure that your plan includes new ways for you to respond to challenging behavior when it occurs. The most common strategy you can use is to say to your child (very calmly), “You can use your words; tell me ____ or show me ___.” And then give your child what he/she wants. The goal here is to have your child use the new skills to get his or her needs met. Sometimes we can’t let children have what they want. For example, you must sit in your car seat, you must take medication, you must get dressed, you must take a bath, and you must stay in your own bed. On these occasions, tell the child you know what he/she is feeling or wanting, and then restate the rule. You can follow that with a choice: “You must sit in your car seat, but you can hold your bear or hold your blankie.” 

Brendan 

Below is a video of Brendan at the public library with his mother. The parents indicated that the library was the most difficult public place for them to visit due to their son’s behavior. In fact, every time they visited the library they were asked to leave. Then listen to his parents talk about what their life was like before PBS. You will then have the opportunity to watch Brendan go back to the library after they taught him what the expectations were through a scripted story using photographs taken in the library and mapping out the steps and expectations into a story book. They also created cue cards to cue him to whisper, walk, and hold hands in the parking lot. This is their first trip back to the library after the “pre” video. Then his parents will talk about how their life is “with” PBS. (video en ingles)

Using the Family Routine Guide

You can use this guide for ideas about how to help your child. Tell me the routine or activity where your child has challenging behavior? Now, look at the reasons why a child might have challenging behavior in that routine. Do any of these fit your child? What do you think your child is telling you with his/her challenging behavior? Now let’s look at strategies you can use. 

This completes the Solution for Families: Positive Parenting. We hope you have learned a lot of new ways to help your child understand your expectations and express her/his emotions. If you try to implement all of the things that we have discussed and your child still has challenging behavior, try the approach we have discussed in this session. We all encounter children who have difficulty and need to team with other people to help fully meet their needs. If your child still has issues, please ask for help. You can call me, contact your child’s teacher, or call to speak to someone who can tell you about services in the community that can help you. And don’t forget to give yourself positive comments and encouragement for the great job you are doing!