Lessons in English

Lesson One: Making Connections 

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Did you write a list of benefits and barriers to quality time with your child?  If yes, look at your list, do you think the benefits seem to outweigh the barriers? Why? 

The benefits to our children are things that would help build positive relationships, support their social and emotional development, and help them feel loved, competent, and confident! 

One way to think about your relationship with your child is as a “tank” that needs to be filled and refilled on a regular basis. We can all relate to filling up our car’s gas tank! We always need to refill the tank! It is the same way with our children— their “tanks” always need refilling! One can consider times when we are negative, harsh, or critical, or when we nag our children as draining the “gas” from their tanks. Think about times when someone was harsh or negative to you. How did it make you feel? 

When we actively build positive relationships with hugs, smiles, encouraging statements, listening, and playing (just a few ideas), it is as if we are filling/refilling our child’s “gas tank”. When we “fill/refill” our child’s tank, we are strengthening our relationships and building their competence and confidence! The more we “fill/refill” their tanks, the more confidence they will have in developing relationships with others. Try the ideas from Activity #2 over the next few weeks, write some notes about how your child reacted and how it made you feel.

Building on the “filling/refilling” tank idea, I would like to share a powerful tool that you can use to support your child’s competence and confidence, as well as change his/her behavior. That tool is using positive comments and encouragement! You can do this by catching your child doing the behaviors that you would like to see and encouraging him/her to continue those behaviors!  

Using encouragement can help increase desired behaviors and decrease unwanted behaviors. That’s a good thing! A lack of encouragement can lead to increased amounts of inappropriate behavior and less and less positive behaviors and interactions. Encouragement takes very little time and is a very effective way to promote positive behaviors. And the good news is… encouragement doesn’t cost anything!

 Try to find at least five times in the next week when they can give their child positive comments and encouragement.   Positive comments and encouragement can be done anywhere—at the grocery store, in the car, or during bath time!