Emotion Coaching is an approach for talking to children about the emotions they are experiencing in a way that supports their self-regulation. It involves listening to the child and talking with them about the emotions they are feeling rather than simply trying to distract or dismiss them. Children are still learning how to label and manage the big emotions that they are experiencing, and this can be confusing and scary. Emotion Coaching is an approach to help children name and understand their emotions, as well as teach them ways to handle these emotions in a positive way. Emotion Coaching conversations help children learn how emotions work and how to react to feelings in healthy ways. These discussions will strengthen your relationship with your child and help them be more prepared for life’s challenges.

Research shows that children who understand their feelings and learn about their emotions have these advantages:

· They form stronger friendships with other children.

· They calm themselves down more quickly when they get upset.

· They do better in school.

· They handle their moods better and have fewer negative emotions.

· They get sick less often.

Emotion Coaching involves following 4 steps when talking to children about their emotions. By following these 4 steps, children will learn to understand their emotions and deal with them in more healthy ways.

A closer look at the steps

STEP 1: Acknowledge the child’s feelings and empathise – tune in to your child’s feelings and your own.

· Have an awareness of your own feelings – parents/carers who understand their own emotions are better able to relate to their child’s feelings.

· Understand that emotions are a natural and valuable part of life.

· Recognise feelings and encourage your child to talk about his or her emotions.

· Pay close attention to a child’s emotions and try not to dismiss or avoid them.

· Avoid judging or criticizing your child’s emotions.

· Try and genuinely empathise with the child and see things from their point of view/take their perspective.

· Show your child that you understand what he or she is feeling.

STEP 2: Validate the child’s feelings and label them – use emotional moments as opportunities to connect.

· Talk about different emotions and when people feel them, this helps to normalise emotions for children.

· Set a good example by naming your own emotions and talking about them.

· Help the child to label their emotion and help them build a vocabulary for different feelings.

· Naming emotions helps soothe a child.

· Identify the emotions your child is experiencing instead of telling your child how he or she should feel.

STEP 3: Set limits on behaviour (if required)

· If possible, provide guidance before emotions escalate into misbehaviour.

· If a child’s behaviour has been inappropriate explain why ensuring that you label the behaviour as inappropriate not the emotion.

· When children misbehave, help them to identify their feelings and explain why their behaviour was inappropriate.

· Encourage emotional expression but set clear limits on behaviour.

· Redirect misbehaving children for what they do, not what they feel.

STEP 4: Supportive problem solving – explore solutions to problems together.

· Help children think through possible solutions.

· If something has gone wrong, have a discussion about what your child could try differently next time.

· Don’t expect too much too soon.

· Be aware of tempting settings and be prepared to help your child through them.

· Create situations where your child can explore without hearing lots of "don'ts."

· Catch your child doing lots of things right and praise him or her.

Talking with Children about Feelings and Emotions

Being able to talk with children about the world of emotions is key to Emotion Coaching. It's important not to shy away from open and honest discussions about feelings, including some we may perceive as negative, like sadness or anger. Here are some useful guides to talking with children about different emotions :