Anxiety
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is a normal response from our body when we are faced with something scary or stressful. It is a feeling of worry or fear that we experience as a combination of physical sensations in our body, thoughts and feelings.
Everyone feels worried sometimes and this is perfectly normal. We might feel nervous or scared about meeting new people, taking a test or going back to school after a break. Usually we can manage these worries and nerves until we are calm again.
Sometimes, for a variety of reasons (life events, personal circumstances, prolonged stress or personal resilience), we can become overwhelmed by anxiety so that it becomes a distressing or unmanageable experience. If this continues without support or relief, anxiety can become our brains 'go-to' reaction when faced with stress.
Luckily there are lots of things you can do to help if your child is struggling with anxiety and we have outlined some tips below.
We also have a page on looking after your own wellbeing.
How to help your child with anxiety
Things you can say
Normalise - let children know it's okay and normal to feel anxious and worried. Model this by talking to them about times you have felt worried or scared and what you did to feel better.
Explain anxiety to them - teaching children about anxiety and talking to them can help. Letting them know how common anxiety is can help them feel less alone. Around 1 in 8 children experience anxiety which you can explain to them means every 1 in every 8 pupils in their school! Talking to them about this and about what anxiety feels like in the body can help reassure them. This is a child friendly video explaining a little bit about anxiety.
The Hey Sigmund website has a whole section of videos for children and we have also adapted one of their examples of how to explain anxiety to children below:
Anxiety Explanation Script.pdfTalk about physical signs in their body
It's hard for children to understand what is happening in their body. Even as adults we sometimes do not connect our body aches, pains and sensations with being stressed. We wake up with sore teeth from grinding them at night, or only realise we were clenching our shoulders up past our neck once we relax them? So it does not come automatically to our children either.
If you can model ways you help your body relax, talk about stretches or exercises to loosen up your body from stress this will help your child learn from you. Elsewhere on these pages, and linked below, are some great activities and information about breathing and mindfulness activities which will help and be fun to do together!
Gently ask them if they have a tummy ache if they are worried about anything, and explain if you are ever feeling worried or excited your tummy can twist itself into knots and butterflies. There are lots of apps that use relaxation scripts that you can do together, or if you are doing Joe Wicks daily PE class together, talk about how it makes your body feel afterwards. We've provided a story opposite, and the link to where you can find it online as a way to talk about tummy feelings and worries. But there are other ways your child's body might be showing stress. You know your child best, look for changes in how they are acting and talking and be gentle in normalising how our bodies show us how we are feeling.
What not to say
Try not to dismiss or disapprove of your child's feelings and emotions. This is an easy and common mistake to make. When we see our children upset or in distress, all we want to do is fix things and make it better. We might say seemingly harmless phrases such as 'you're fine', 'calm down' or 'it's okay'. However, when we tell an anxious child 'you're okay' or 'you're fine' when they really don't feel okay or fine, we run the risk of confusing them or making them feel like we don't understand.
Instead have a bank of soothing things to say to your child that lets them know you understand how they are feeling and are there for them, such as the examples given here.
As you work with your child on ways they can help calm or relax themselves, you can redirect them to these strategies as they become distressed.
Please also see our page on Emotion Coaching for tips on what to say to support children experiencing big emotions.
Empower your child, help them find healthy ways to manage their anxiety, through exercise or relaxation. Speak to them about what they think may help, and encourage them to explore ways to help themselves or with you, rather than focusing on what could go wrong.
What you can do
If your child is just slightly worried or anxious about things, the best things you can do are things that are not a direct intervention. Easy everyday things help your child feel more secure and less worried. Have routines that continue even during times of change and loss. So sticking to a set morning and evening routine, is a source of real comfort for your child. It also makes mornings and evenings easier and less stressful for all!
Children become more anxious when they don't know what is going to happen, and when. You might find it helpful to have a planner on the wall. During times of lockdown, or changes, it can help reassure your child that important things are continuing and they can check on it when things are due to happen and who will be around that day. You might find your child is looking for more reassurances from the rest of the family, or is asking more questions, if so try and keep a visible planner for all to access, add to and check-in about.
You know your child the best, so you will likely know the things that matter most to your child, but sometimes they can surprise you with what they've been missing and looking forward to from everyday life. Having time to just check-in with your child is important, make it part of your daily routine. Whether if it's whilst you're outside getting your daily exercise, or indoors at a safe and quiet time together, it will be time you will both come to value and appreciate.
Breathing exercises - Find our pages on helpful breathing here
Mindfulness - Find our pages on how mindfulness can be used here
Scaling or drawing the worry - you don't need a fancy colouring book or activities, just some paper and colouring items. You can draw a line, colour petals on a flower, or your child can freestyle drawing what a worry feels like or looks like to them. But below is a template of bookmarks they can colour in, in a mindful way if that is helpful
Other supports:
Supporting children worried about going back to school
This is a really nice ebook about a boy worried about going back to school which helps to normalise anxiety and support children with how to help the ‘wobbly’ feeling go away.
Everybody worries ebook
This ebook was written by Jon Burgerman to support young children worried about Coronavirus, but it is also suitable for more general worries.
NHS Grampian CAMHS Resource Packs
CAMHS Grampian produced these resource packs last year. Although they were released as a support for pupils with anxiety around Coronavirus, they can actually be used more widely and they include nice anxiety management advice, relaxation ideas and coping cards.
There are packs for children under 12, for teenagers and for parents/carers.
If the anxiety and worries persist, despite trying out the activities and suggestions above, or you are worried about the level of anxiety your child is showing there are places to go for more direct help.
Visit the Grampian Resilience Hub here
Your GP is your first port of call for all health matters, they can advise if a referral to NHS Grampian's CAMHS department would be appropriate, if you don't want to visit the resilience hub above.
You can also speak to your child's Head Teacher or Guidance Teacher to see if there are any in-school supports available that your child can access.