Sunday Family Humour 27th January Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Best Senior Joke Ever

Thanks to Captain Bob

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says,

"Please come over here and help me.

I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver-haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says,

"Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

Romantic Sleigh Ride

(Great Bud advert)

Thanks to David Meyer

Horse meat jokes

Thanks to Ray O'.

Tesco burgers, low in fat, high in Shergar.

Tesco burgers give you the trots.

Will Tescos now be saddled with a bad reputation?

Shergar bum is an anagram of hamburgers.

It gets worse....the French have found traces of Tesco Value burgers in their horsemeat

Tesco, tracing your meat from stable to table...

I was wondering whose burgers are best, Tesco or Sainsburys?

Turns out that Tesco burgers win by a nose.

They're on the shelves but not furlong.

Tesco are being taken to court over this.

The CEO has promised to tell the hoof, the whole hoof and nothing but the hoof.

I had a Tesco burger last night, woke up this morning with a bit between my teeth.

Tesco: So hungry you could eat a horse? We've got you covered.

What kind cheese do Tesco use in their cheese burgers.....mascapony.

To be fair, I've eaten these burgers and they're o.k if you add a little salad-dressage.

From now on, I will only eat burgers that are the real AP McCoy.

So you CAN make money flogging a dead horse.

Just had a burger in Tesco's, lady said 'Do you want anything on it?'

I said, 'A fiver each way'

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State-of-the-art Parking

Thanks to Tony H.

Two Feet of Snow Outside

Thanks to Brian

Things we have to put up with

Thanks to Cindy

A mother passing by her daughters bedroom was astonished 2 see the bed was nicely made & everything was picked up.

Then she saw an envelope propped up on the center of the bed.

It was addressed, "Mom".

With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope with trembling hands:

"Dear Mum, it is with great regret & sorrow that im writing 2 u,

i had 2 elope with my new boyfriend because i wanted 2 avoid a scene with u & Dad.

Ive been finding real passion with him & he is so nice,

even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard & motorcycle clothes.

But its not just the passion Mum, im pregnant & he said that we will be very happy.

He already owns a trailor in the woods & has a stack of firewood 4 the whole winter.

He wants 2 have many more children with me & that is now one of my dreams 2.

He taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone & we'll b growing it 4 us & trading it with his friends 4 all the cocaine & ecstasy we want. In the meantime we'll pray that science finds a cure 4 AIDS so he can get better, he sure deserves it!

Don't worry Mum, im 15yrs old now & i know how 2 take care of myself.

Someday im sure we'll b back 2 visit so u can get 2 know yr grandchildren.

Yr daughter, Sophie...

P.S. Mum, none of the above is true.

I'm over at the neighbors house.

I just wanted 2 remind u that there r worse things in life than my report card

thats in my desk top drawer.

I love u!

Call me when it is safe 2 come home.."

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