2020-02-26 EDA

Empathy Cafe: How might XR design Empathic Direct Actions (EDA)?

Facebook Event

OVERVIEW: XR LISTENS!This is an Empathy Cafe that will use the Empathy Circle process to inquire, brainstorm and dialogue about designing and implementing XR Direct Actions based on Empathy. Unlike Non-Violent Direct Action (NVDA) - Empathic Direct Action (EDA) is specifically designed for;

  • * Offering listening to the public and fellow activists.

  • * Offering constructive dialogue with the public

  • * Offering Empathy Circles to the public and fellow activists.

  • * Demanding that those in power (politicians, CEO, etc) take part in empathic dialogue around the issue of climate change, etc.

  • * Overcoming polarization and supporting constructive dialogue and action between all people so they can constructively work together to address the climate crisis.

  • * Spreading a regenerative and empathic way of being.

  • * etc.

To begin with, this is a more abstract discussion to think about :

  • * What is the feasibility of it?

  • * What are the principles behind such an action?

  • * What would an action look like?

  • * How it might be implemented?

  • * Who might take part?

  • * Where could it be held?

  • etc

Participants

Empathy Circle #1: Facilitator: Bill

Notes by James Green

Michael: (to Bill) One of the things I’ve been thinking about empathy lately, and how difficult it is to generate and hold on to, is that we’re very numb as a society. It feels difficult to hold all the information we’re bombarded with. I’ve been going to different authentic relating events. Difficult and challenging. If we could have events were people are in touch with their body, or in someone’s presence, that could help people trust each other to work together on large constructive projects.

I think I’m going to try every day to be a little more empathic. An interaction with a stranger on the street, at work, with family and friends. I hope it builds and gives me more skill and capacity and leads to me being of service. Working towards a similar vision, of a better more inhabitable world and society. I also want to join with groups to do this work. My final thought is in the Chicago area we are sheltered from what’s going on around the world, with an illusion of stability.

Slower pace of trying to get large scale change. Strategizing for myself how to make change in my own life, not self destructive acts or burdens that are insurmountable. That’s what I hoped for calling in.

Bill: (to Rowan)

It was interesting. I’ve been thinking about holocracy and hierarchy, and how that gets sorted out in terms of XR. In XR they try to promote a holocracy instead of a hierarchy. Also called a flat pack. How do we organize without the usual territorial disputes, for lack of a better word. It’s more of a rhetorical philosophical question in the background. I have an idea. It’s very fleshed out. As I came to this call, if I say that, do people interpret that as the way it has to be. I don’t feel that way. But maybe they are not as well baked as I think. Yeah, I see this, know this, feeling creating.

On the other hand that can be overbearing. In my mind I’m always collaborating. I think that’s the sort of self deprecating humor I’d like to see. We’re all flawed. We’re all facing a huge challenge and will all need to improve. That goes to the blaming/shaming of XR, I’m not a big fan of that, because I’m too flawed. That’s why I agree with the principle of no blaming and shaming plank that exists within XR. If I could declare a world wide holiday it would be for the cutting of the slack.

Rowan

Interested in how to incorporate empathic listening into our actions.

My XR branch has an event prayer and mediation for the health of the planet.

Maybe add a listening session after the prayer-in.

People had not heard of it and saw the video of the EC and are open to taking part.

Feeling excited of getting some by in. I am hopefully sharing it with my XR compatriotes.

James

Edwin (to Karolina)

James’ process is that one person speaks and an assertive person responds. That is something I noticed. If you are a quiet person you might not jump in and respond. It’s neutral but could happen within that process. If a person is shy or quiet it’s more difficult for them to participate in James’ method. What we’re doing here is more inclusive because everyone gets selected. You don’t have to insert yourself. I find that introverts love this process because they don’t have to insert themselves.

Every process has it’s different dynamics, advantages and disadvantages. It might be a really good process with different advantages. The other thing is that it’s the same thing with direct action. Here in the Bay Area a group has been going to Chase Bank. I’d like to see us invite the president of the bank into an empathy circle, from the local bank. I’m imagining it for Berkely too for the mayor and the city council. We want to have a recorded empathic dialogue, to spread that through the culture. I see that here where I live, then to Richmond, San Jose, San Fran, a kind of pilgrimage doing the same thing in many places to spread the idea of empathic direct action.

Karolina (to Michael)

Probably I should react to James’ fragment talking about the problem he faced. I would prefer to talk about it in the facilitators meeting, because I don’t want to waste time for this issue here. Maybe its not inappropriate because we can speak about whatever we want. Well actually the method,

Edwin explained very well what I meant by alpha male personalities, promoting, that’s exactly what I meant. He explained it for me. But what I think this method is very good for forces everyone to be an active listener all the time. During out circles we might lose focus because we’re not active listening.

I like to observe this ability to be focused on someone or not. In James’ method, everyone has to be focused if the person wants to speak. I didn’t enjoy the demonstration but I appreciate the method. I see one of the advantages and I wanted to admit that. And I don’t know how much time I have. I’ll stop there and wait for the next round to speak about something else.

Michael (to Edwin)

Thanks so much again everyone and for accommodating my situation at work. I think that it’s always difficult with folks you don’t know, over vast distances, technology, to have rapport, the more I try it myself the more I’ll get into a rhythm of being good or competent. I’ve been going to school for sustainable design. One of the school assignments was to go to meetups around the city to understand our relationships around sustainability.

Different temperaments, not always compatible with my own. Been really informative about how much distance there is between us because of all the systems we live under. Lots of opportunity to be outside of our comfort zones. I think which place should I eventually land in and what should my contribution be, and what ultimately is a goal I could achieve with my limited agency, because XR and other organizations have very expansive system wide changes whose goals can feel very overwhelming.

But to sit down at this empathic circle, that’s something I can achieve. What goals for myself could be small and accomplishable over time. Trying to understand the boundaries of empathy and participation, trying to make big impacts with a manageable amount of resources and energy. I notice in managing my own life, it’s easy to feel burnt out, lost, uncertain.

Edwin (to Rowan)

Yeah, wow, I’m thinking about the actions. I had difficulty connecting with San Fran XR, so I started going to meetings building relationships with them and I’m feeling excited about that. The big turn around was that there was one person who set up a series of welcoming events. You come in and there’s an hour long presentation intro to XR on Zoom. Then he does a 30 min personal call one on one. It’s really made a difference. Just started. Brilliant. And then it’s setting up on key base, all the little details, an online handbook to see where the different affinity groups are, openess, clarity, transparency, knowing there was a meeting just down the street for me, something I didn’t know for months.

I think his attitude is very empathic, trying to empathize with the needs of people coming in, making their experience easy and accessible. Good promotion of an empathic mindset. At the meeting they seemed to be interested in empathy circles, local connection that I felt good about. I proposed it and they were open to it. You can say something and they won’t try to shut you down right away. Open to inviting Roger Halem. Setting up in downtown Berkeley. Excited about doing more actions there and beyond.

Rowan (to Bill)

The other thing I did other than XR meeting and pray in was a talk I gave at the peace and justice center called Belonging at a time of Othering. Make people aware of the brain science of othering to belonging. At Berkeley there used to be something called the Hoss Institute, now the Othering and Belonging Institute <https://belonging.berkeley.edu>. This years conference is in London to bring the othering and belonging concept to Europe. We do belong circles to make people feel that they belong. The brain science is more about othering than belonging.

The subconscious works more quickly than the conscious mind. When you see another human being a part of the brain lights up. You don’t see them as fully human. You discount people before giving them a chance. The Dalai Llama asks, what kind of vegetables do you think they like? What mechanisms can we create in our consciousness to see their humanity. Like when you did the empathy circle with fascists (laughter). I see it as connected with the work you’re doing. Running together and not pulling you apart. Maybe there are mechanisms that we can put in our training to not other the people who want to talk to us. To be aware of when we are othering people.

Bill

This in just my vision. It is not set in stone.

This is authentically mine.

This is my vision that I want to lay on you.

I see trees, sunlight, birds sounds

In the center, a listening booth, tent. People come in for listening.

There is an array of small groups that people can join and take on topics relevant to XR.

In back, people can have a People's Assembly. You can go deeper into the XR.

We need artists. Theater games.. Improv games. Empathic communications without words.

Music circles. Contact improv. It’s a big fair. Improv writing. Poetry. Creative writing. Good food.

(+we need a week long occupation)

James

Starting with self connection.. This vision that Bill is presented.

I’ve lived it at occupy.

I really connect to this beautiful vision and want to support it.

Many parts of the vision didn’t exist at the occupy.. Poetry, empathy exchange, etc.

To take another step.. I resonate with the work you are doing Rowan.. About belonging and othering.. I study the work around groups, and scapegoating.. There are ways to do what you Rowan are doing. To bring in an awareness about how we are thinking when we are othering or polarizing thinking.

I know how painful othering and scapegoating others. I see how I can take part in it because it’s part of the culture.. It is about increasing an awareness about how our patterns of thinking work.. Studying the science about small group activities.

Rowan

Need to be aware for potentials for bad interactions (especially around touching like contact improv) within the different avenues for bringing people together.. As a diasbled person I felt othered by some elements of the visiont. Do see how music and other activities are important. Do feel ambiguous about it.

Going to be a red rebel with another using wheelchairs. Feel excited about this idea.

Wanted to be a red rebel.. That’s what I want to be. I’m excited about how to be a red rebel as a wheely.

Karolina

Bills vision.. A large festival

Was thinking of an empathic direct action of many different actions. During rebellion week.

There is already a lot going on.

How to host a single event with the rebels.

Need to start right now to do this action. Need to prepare and train people.

Bill (to Edwin)

I’m jazzed, happy participating in what Karoline, I or you have talked about. Whatever the ideas of ours we did. I’m having fun with it. And appreciated Rowan’s comments. For music you can use your voice. I’d love to collaborate with Rowan so that I’m sensitive of those things. That strengthens the idea. It’s more inclusive. We’re all going to need to improve and develop skills. Great challenges coming. I’m this or I’m that...if we limit ourselves to stereotypes we’re going to lose. We need to see ourselves as growing individuals. I may not surmount the challenge today, but I might be able to tomorrow.

I like Karolina’s vision, although I’m not so clear on the vision and tactics. You’d have to have enough of a mass of people so that others would notice it. I love the energy. Empathic designated listener. Put on a t-shirt and that person is the go to person. Going around offering to listen to anyone. I want to end on having a good time and listening to everyone and building the ideas.

Edwin (to James)

He realized he wasn’t talking to him because they are the main note takers. LOL He is interested in an action in downtown Berkeley near the BART where he feels an empathic direct action would be good. 16,000 people a day go through there. And there is already tables and chairs for a cafe that could perhaps be repurposed. It is also near City Hall and a Chase Bank so it might be good for the upcoming actions. The only problem is construction noise from a nearby hotel.

Jack hammers and empathy cafes don’t go together. If you occupied it for several days even more could be done at that location. He is in conversation with local XR about doing an action there. He worries about mass actions and the coronavirus becoming a pandemic. He sees a momentum building as the number of circles grows.

James (to Karolina)

What are the consequences of different agreements?

I do a different type of circle that focuses on feelings.

We explore feelings but don’t act on them.

Empathy work is about exploring feelings..

This topic seems to fly in the face of that.

It is an important distinction between exploring feelings and not acting on them.

What is an example? I have plans to go to dinner and I had a fight with her, if I acted on the feeling I would cancel the plans.

Just noticing feelings but not taking action based on them.

We are impacted by feelings but we don’t have to act on them.

When I don’t connect to my feelings, I do actions and don’t know why.

Karolina (to Michael)

I’m thinking about… well, about what James said, acting on feelings, I have to think about it more. It was interesting. I’m curious how, sorry we didn’t get to the point where we could talk about circles and how it refers to empathic circles. But coming back to empathic direct action, thinking about different visions, if we meet somewhere around the globe, in one place, trying all the ideas we have, we can continue our festival, some actions on one day, other actions on another day, mixing those ideas and visions together. It might work really great. We might be an island of empathy among rebellion week.

Michael (to Edwin)

It was exciting for me to have all these ideas and visions of what empathy could look like, small and large scale, generative for my imagination. There were some really good points brought up about the dangers of an empathy circle or event if you don’t take in all the vast experiences people have. Things could go wrong if you don’t properly prepare. Thinking of people’s needs and ways to keep them safe and confident in setting their own boundaries so they are the authors of their own experiences.

So many events you go to in larger society are planned for you and you are the audience. But you could have it where people could participate or not as you like, which would be different. I think about the visions in the forest or park in nature, or street space, interrupting the automated flow of a city and what both of those could feed people. A good vibe of energy. Passerbys could be gifted a good energetic feeling.

Give people an alternative way of looking at interaction. A lot of our interactions with people in a large city where I am are strained. Competing for space. I heard a quote, the only timing you have to worry about is how much time you have to put into relating to other people. Worrying about a bill or piece of legislation, what matters is the time you spend building relationships with your community.