2020-01-25 XRFDH
Participants
*Edwin Rutsch, SF Bay Area XR, CA, XR Empathy Work Group,
*Lou Zweier, North Bay Area, CA, XR Empathy Group Work,
*Karolina Kubiak, XR Poland, XR Empathy Work Group,
*Bill Filler, SF Bay Area, XR Empathy Work Group,
*Sofia Tveddby, Sweden,
*Marta Neto, XR Cork (Ireland) , https://www.facebook.com/groups/XRIrelandRegen/
David Baum, Seattle WA USA, XR Deep Adaptation,
Alcides Barbosa, XR Porto, Degrowth Net Activist Group, Portugal,
Annika, Denmark, Regenerative Culture WG in XR Copenhagen,
Stephen Buckley @transpartisan , #OpenGov rep of U.S. chapter of International Association for Public Participation https://www.iap2usa.org
Empathy Circle #1: Facilitator: Marta Neto
Deep adaptation. Importance of deep listening;
It’s about people's feelings
Conflict resolution and decision making - is very fertile.
Benefits of zoom is we can meet people from all over the world. It has saved my life.
The movement has been expanding. And excited about that.
Want to find other ways to facilitate meetings
Need a process for brainstorming and planning.
Empathy Circles next steps
A next steps DF, Empathic inquiry, there is a plan that comes up.
Good to know your deeper needs, and values, and triggers.
Empathy Circles and other next Step processes
Miki Kashtan - Convergent facilitation (e.g. http://thefearlessheart.org/resources/videos/)
Rosa Zubizarreta - Dynamic Facilitation, Empathic inquiry
Deep adaptation
Brainstorming, Planning, Deliberation
Sarah Peyton - Resonant Self (e.g. empathybrain.com)
Blocks to Empathy Circles
The process takes time and people are impatient. How to communicate.
People may want to see an action part.
Dialogue/feelings/process and action people
People do not come back to the empathy circle.
People use action to avoid their feelings. (to cover their pain. The pain and fear is not faced by going into action.)
The feelings of fear, worry, urgency - I have to do something.
Strategies
Demonstrate empathy circles in public and with politicians. A way to break through the cultural wall?
Make it a cultural norm?
Create the practicalities.: People need the support. Elders, Financial,
How might We questions
HMW - deepen the empathy circle process
HMW - design good topic for these circles? This topic was good last time, but have less attendance.
What I like about the empathy circles.
I don’t have to compete to be heard. I feel more relaxed about speaking.
New people and new energy. I feel enriched. My field or world of experience is expanded and is more
colorful.. I think of new things. Always amazed at everyone's humanity.
Empathy Circle #2: Facilitator: Lou Zweier
Report Back Participants report back to the full group from the individual circles.
Lou
I can not identify a lot of concrete ideas that we came up with there.
The need for listening
There was a lot of expression around the need for listening and listening as an important tool to create understanding and to understand different points of view and to bring people together. I think there was a
lot of expressing that that was important and that tools like the empathy circles seemed to be like a good
tool for doing that.
I thought that doing this work of training and practicing and and having a chance to reflect on that practice over time are important elements of building facilitators with a lot of capacity. So I think that that's a one concrete thing
Participating in an Empathy Circle
One of the things about the first time that you do this, for the first few times that you do this, is that if you
participate in an empathy circle for a short amount of time and it's a new experience people generally experience
frustration with it when they first start because it's much slower than they usually are conversing.
It's also people are not used to reflecting back so they're learning how to do that and maybe they struggle with doing that. Early on in your experience of empathy circles, a lot of people experience just frustration and kind of
like even I'm not sure about this process this seems kind of slow and stupid to me. It isn't until you've
participated in it for a while, like maybe an hour a good hour or two , that you start to feel the positive effects of getting clarity yourself about what is important to you and what you want to say and understanding others at a kind of a deep level. The conversation drops into a deep level. I always fear when people are experiencing it for the first time, and they only get a short amount of time doing it, that they're gonna form the judgment that this process really doesn't work and it's kind of uncomfortable.
I wasn't hearing that from the people in my circle, but I always just want to say it. If you have questions about it, please participate more. Get at least a few hours under your belt before you make a decision about it. I've done conflict resolution and communication for a long time and this process, if you participate in it
for a while, is a very powerful process.
Karolina
I actually came with some kind of
consultation I have that empathy circle
empathic listening and speaking because
I see both those activities empathy
listening and empathic speaking are
integral part of holacracy or sociocracy.
without that holacracy doesn't work
horizontal structure of organization
will not work.
and obviously if we have hierarchical system
it's possible that soom
bosses he'll try to be empathic and try
to hear their personal stuff working for
them but this system that is hierarchical
doesn't require empathy
It requires orders, command when holacracy or sociocracy.
requires this ability to hear each other
that's what I took from this today
Circle for me at least that was my
discovery something quite obvious but
you have to realize that great thanks
Martha
there's various things we spoke of we
spoke of empathy cycles because of its
structure and being so simple it could
be easy
it could easily go viral and and it's a
method that could you know be useful in
so many ways with minimal investment and
then we spoke of the importance of
identifying needs alleys and maybe also
triggers in oneself and you know as part
of going deeper we've discussed very
briefly but what would it take you know
importance of building this network of
facilitators I need that we're going to
need for the future how many people do
we need you know are they going to
handle the load all of that and so we
spoke of map the importance of mapping a
route or routes you know how do we
mapping that and so I'm interested going
forward in finding more people that want
to do that thinking it's yeah and it
might be that it's not just exact maybe
it's across various different groups and
maybe we're just not doing that thinking
together yet so and we spoke of the
practicalities and and also that as
being in these situations we meet hordes
of people and they make us really
evaluate our worthiness like we might
have thought that we know everything and
then we see so many people that know so
much and we go but maybe a bit smaller
and so that a bit if that came up as
well and and a lot is but I'll stop
there
I'll see this
it was the first time I took part this
kind of meeting and for me it was what
the first thing that come to my mind is
that the Topic properly was not
developed did not have time to go
through it we we would need more time
because it was just enough to sort of
know each other and what are our
interests around this issue the topic
but maybe the same group do it more time
than you can develop it deeper the topic
and this is just Lube was trying to say
and I liked very much and I believe it
it can work for me then but for now I
see it really takes time
David
I was impressed most with the insight
that Sophia had about the importance of
needs and values and that beneath the
discussion of strategy and the
contention about alternative paths is
the foundation of needs and values and
triggers Marta also mentioned this led
sort of in the course of our discussion
to the idea that self-knowledge self
connection is an important achievement
of using this method that in order to
make proper decisions on behalf of
yourself and others in order to properly
have relationships with others that are
honest and fruitful you need you need to
know yourself and you need to know the
needs and values from which you are
operating and the triggers that can set
you off and interfere with communication
so the idea that this method can lead to
self-knowledge self connection which
then enables the reaching out to others
is a fairly significant insight from
today I think thank you
Mary
can you hear us Mary yes okay I finally
got it I'm so sorry that I couldn't get
on for the first part a good part of the
beginning so I didn't really know the
topic other than we were supposed to
practice listening and responding
without any judgments just the usual but
I feel that this what I got from this
meeting just further entrenches the idea
that an order for us to evolve as people
it's really essential to practice this
as we go about our days too and the
examples for extinction rebellion that
we can change because if we can't even
do it with so much practice I've had
more practice than some of you it's um
it's exciting to change it's wonderful
to change so I really appreciate it and
I'm sorry that I missed the beginning
Steve
I know things have
shifted so I hope I'm not calling it
twice no I haven't spoken yet okay good
it just seems like it yeah I guess
because the topic was f
acilitator
Network I don't think
we spoke as much along those lines about
what role the facilitator network would
be or what I mean it's kind of implies
that we need people to go out and
improve the quality of discussion around
climate change but I see that almost in
any type of topic not just climate
change although that seems to be the
most practicing or most important of
course but I guess I so I'm pointing out
in in our discussion I didn't hear of
stories and I think the relationship
that we in creating relationships
between all of us storytelling is one
way for us to connect and say tell a
story and you say that happened to me
too and then there's a connection there
so I heard one time that some would be
described democracy as organized
storytelling where people go come
together they tell their stories and
they try to make sense of what to do so
I would like I would like p.m. or story
more connection to more storytelling and
how facilitators network is envisioned
even if it's just a proposal to put out
on the table and kick around
okay now you done Steve yes I'm sorry go
ahead
that's alright that's fine just want to
make sure you got fully heard okay and
finally well Sally and that finally
Sally
hi um well I have a lot of ideas out
there but I think we have to start with
the essentials I I kind of see some
different things going on and
progressing to a larger arena in working
with these other climate activist
organizations to basically carrying the
torch on with people and our country and
other countries that might be a way to
go as her today I think that I guess
that were president it was you know
maybe something that we missed but
something really gains and I I think we
just you know need to document it and
you know have it in writing and then
kind of build a structure for at least I
don't know would you call it like a
pilot project of sorts where it's um you
know actually implemented
maybe that's where our first business so
I don't know I didn't talk about today
but that's how I look at it okay great
all right uncle I was um I was struck by
the need that people have I think to
work as an effective team as I see I see
the bhoot building of the XR is sort of
a young group and I actually in my job I
worked in a hospital for suicidal
adolescents and also kids in crisis so
it demanded excellent cooperation now we
didn't agree on everything like people
talked about but when it came to what
the task was at hand a list of
priorities I could depend upon them and
they could depend upon me and this is
you know taking into account physical
danger so it's very important to build
that trust especially in that context so
I was again really impressed I can see
the beginning of this team-building I
can feel the need for it and I would as
far as building a facilitators Network I
hope to enable it
Bill so what our topic of by creating a
facilitators network you know we're just
basically sort of tapping into that
those are the Gateway discussion for
this and you know we didn't go too
deeply into it and in our group we
talked about the empathy circle is sort
of a foundational practice and kind of
other directions is it that can other
practices they build on être that you
can go create that pathway of different
democracy building or relationship
building practices I have one of the
other groups someone said well we didn't
go into it really deeply you know and
how to create that facilitators Network
but part of it here was just to get an
experience with the empathy circle and
like Lou says you
hey I find about two hours is a really
good time
in a small group to do an empathy circle
the first hour you're gonna get kind of
familiar with the practice sink into it
and then you have sort of a deeper
experience and and it's really a
lifelong experience the deepen that
listening and empathic speaking let's
see we have if you're interested in
facilitating we have some practices you
can facilitate that through the future
democracy hub you can contact Paul and
some of the others are contact me and
you can actually host your own process
so that's like and then they have good
distribution in terms of getting the
word out because there it's co-hosted
with UK XR UK and XR London and
sometimes with the full network so it's
a good way to get your practices out
there if you have any democracy building
practices we have next Friday we have
another cafe it's going to be about
using the same process using on the
topic of how do we address conflict so
it's one application of the 50 circle
practice so I've been doing that and on
February 12th would be doing another one
of these and I think that's it then for
this I had somebody had its 30 minute
overtime but I was we last time we had
like 32 people we needed that extra time
to you know kind of hear everyone so I
think we can just do the two hours we
don't need that overtime so and I can
stay a little bit here if anybody wants
to kind of hang out and and chat and so
you know thank you everybody for taking
part the videos will be did you do
record ok Luke did that reporting work
so we'll be posting the videos they'll
send you a link to that you can just
spread the word I did some documentation
in this Google Doc if you feel inspired
and go into that Google Doc
and I'll put the link in again and if
you want to be able to connect with
others in the group go into the Google
Doc and you can see their email address
and stuff like that and so you know keep
the connection going you know hope to
see you in future empathy circles and
thank you so much for taking part
everyone you can stop recording yeah
What I Like about Empathy Circles
What I Like about Empathy Circles ― Marta Neto
This method is amazing. One thing that was triggered for myself is, how can I sustain myself to become a facilitator. There seems to be a need for it. ― Marta Neto
What I Like about Empathy Circles ― Sofia Bayo
What I like about the empathy circles? I like a lot! I'm exploring the depths that you can go into in the empathy circles. I think in the beginning, when you start doing them, it's somewhat shallow. I'm rarely nervous when I go into these empathy circles nowadays. I just feel very relaxed and then you can explore deeper layers. I just enjoy everything about the these circles . ― Sofia Bayo
What I Like about Empathy Circles ― Bill Filler
I really like the practice and getting to know people. Especially I am monolingual and so I
just want to express my appreciation for people who have English as a second language and are coming out and reaching out. I feel enriched because you did that.
I like the format I love the format I think it's effective but I also like what each individual brings to the format that makes it unique. ― Bill Filler
What I Like about Empathy Circles ― David Baum
I really enjoyed learning a new procedure. I think the specificity of how it runs is an advantage. This is the first time I've ever experienced it so I look forward to learning more and it's great to meet new folks. ― David Baum
What I Like about Empathy Circles ― Edwin Rutsch
One thing in the empathy circle that I like is that I don't have to compete to be heard. That relaxes me. I know I'm gonna have my time to speak. In groups, I'm really bad in finding the space, or the gap to speak into a group. Here, I know I have my time to be heard and that feels good.
I also enjoy the feeling of enrichment. I feel like my world is expanded and enriched, especially when there are new people in the circle. I get this deeper sort of expanded field of feelings and thoughts. It expands my world. So I really appreciate that. ― Edwin Rutsch
What I Like about Empathy Circles ― Karolina Kubiak
I like the moments when somebody surprises me with new ideas that never came to me, to my mind. I love that moment. It's kind of an aha moment. An aha moment triggered by other people. I like this moment.
I like to meet people from all over the globe and suddenly to get familiar with them. We know each other for a very short time, but I know something about them and they know something about me. This is a warm feeling. ― Karolina Kubiak
What I Like about Empathy Circles ― Lou Zweier
I always enjoy meeting new people and I met several new people in this circle. By meeting them I don't mean
just superficially but when people are taking time to talk about things that are important to them, what matters to
them, you get to know them at a deeper level or you begin to do that. We didn't have enough rounds in our circle to get really deep, but I did begin to really understand people and like what was important to them and that feels connecting to me. I enjoy connecting with people that way. ― Lou Zweier
What I Like about Empathy Circles ― Alcides Barbosa
I like very much this sort of rigid rule, it lets everybody speak very easily. The turns go from one person to another. It's something that is difficult when you do not have this clear rules. There is sort of disputes for the word. I like this, it makes it easy for the people who are more shy. ― Alcides Barbosa
What I Like about Empathy Circles ― Stephen Buckley
It sounds like we all appreciate a structure, a protocol, rather than the kitchen table, where everybody's talking at the same time, that we're all used to, or at least we were brought up in many cases that way. Everybody talking and nobody listening and how to get out of that. So the idea of empathic listening, active listening is a step in the right direction. If we can explain it to other people in an easy facilitated way, then that would be a good thing. ― Stephen Buckley
What I Like about Empathy Circles ― Mary
I very much enjoy practicing, because it's not familiar to listen. In our Santa Fe group, everyone has ideas. Many, many ideas. But to listen, is a skill that's essential in our future and now. So I appreciate practicing with all of you! ― Mary
I very much enjoy practicing, because it's not familiar to listen. In our Santa Fe group, everyone
has ideas. Many, many ideas. But to listen, is a skill that's essential in our future and now. So I appreciate practicing with all of you!
― Mary
What I Like about Empathy Circles ― Sally
This has been a great learning experience, even though I participated in this before. I think that the method and
its structure allows listening at a higher capability.
This has been a great learning experience, even though I participated in this before. I think that the method and its structure allows listening at a higher capability.
― Sally
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