The Harvard Variations

EMMETT

(spoken) Hello. I'm Emmett Forrest.

Welcome to the hallowed halls of Harvard Law.

Uh, let's go around and share a bit about yourselves.

AARON

(spoken) Aaron Sholtz.

(sung) I won a Fulbright and a Rhodes

I write financial software codes

But that's a challenge I've outgrown

How many yachts can one man own?

Some say that I'm a pompous creep

Somehow I don't lose that much sleep

Why bother with false modesty?

Harvard's the perfect place for me

STUDENTS

Pretty impressive, good to know

Welcome to Harvard

What's up?

Yo!

SUNDY

(spoken) Sundy Pagrowell Pommadon, but you may call me "your majesty."

(sung) In my country

My word was law

But then I flee

Because of stupid "coup d'etat"

But here I learn

I make new friends

And soon return

In bullet-proof Mercedes Benz

STUDENTS

Pretty impressive, good to know

Welcome to Har--

ENID

(spoken) ENID HUPES!

(sung) I did the peace corps overseas

Inoculating refugees

In family clinics that I built myself

From mud and trees

I fought to clean up their lagoons

And save their rare endangered loons

And led a protest march against insensitive cartoons

STUDENTS

Pretty impressive, good--

ENID

But now I'm on the legal track

Because this country's out of whack

And only women have the guts to go and take it back

We'll make the government come clean

And get more people voting green

And really stick it to the phallocentric war machine

ELLE

(spoken) I love your top! It is so fatigue chic!

Anyone know where I can find Criminal Law 101 with Professor Callahan and

Warner Huntington the Third?

EMMETT

(spoken) It's in Houser. Over there, second building on the left.

ELLE

(spoken) Thanks!

AARON

I won a Fulbright and a Rhodes

I write financial software codes

Harvard's the perfect place for me

SUNDY

In my country

My word was law

Harvard's the perfect place for me

ENID

I did the peace corps overseas

Inoculating refugees

Harvard's the perfect place for me

STUDENTS

Harvard's the perfect place for--

ELLE

Warner!

STUDENTS

Ha-a-a-a-a

ELLE

(spoken) Scuse me!

STUDENTS

Ha-a-a-a-a

ELLE

(spoken) Pardon me!

STUDENTS

Ha-a-a-a-a

ELLE

(spoken) Comin' through!

STUDENTS

Harvard's the perfect place for me!

Pretty impressive, good to know

Welcome to Harvard

WARNER

(spoken) Elle?

ELLE

(spoken) Omigod, Warner? I totally forgot you go here!