Blood in the Water

CALLAHAN

Now when you choose a law career

The moment you embark

There is that joke you're bound hear

A lawyer is a shark

Ignore that, it's simplistic and it's dumb

Only some of you will turn out sharks, just some

The rest are chum

Our topic is blood in the water

Kids, it's time you faced

Law school is a waste

Oh yes, unless you acquire a taste for

Blood in the water

Dark and red and raw

You're nothing until the thrill of the kill

Becomes your only law

(spoken) Mr. . . . Shultz , hypothetical question.

Would you be willing to defend the following banker accused of fraud?

(sung) A kind old grandma took her savings and she sent it

Off to your client, all she saved since she was born

Well he promised to invest it, but he spent it

On prostitutes and heroine and porn

STUDENT

(spoken) No, I would not want to take that case!

CALLAHAN

Wrong! This one is a win unless you're lazy

Grandma's broke; she'll have some hack from legal aid!

Put her on the stand and call her old and crazy

Your guy goes free and he can get you high and laid

Look for the blood in the water

Read your Thomas Hobbs

Only spineless snobs

Will quarrel with the morally dubious jobs

Yes, blood in the water

Your scruples are a flaw

(spoken) Ms. . . . Hupes, hypothetical question.

Would you be the right lawyer for the following client?

(sung) Say they offer you a bundle for defending

A famous hit man for the mafia elite

Seems he missed his chosen prey

Killed a nun and drove away

Running over three cute puppies in the street

STUDENT

(spoken) What, you think I wouldn't defend him just because he's a typical man?

CALLAHAN

(spoken) Oh, you lesbians think you're so tough

STUDENT

(spoken) But--

CALLAHAN

Oh dear, I fear my comment has offended

Hard to argue, though, when you're too mad to speak

Your employment will be very quickly ended

When they see how your emotions make you weak

So what's my point? I run a billion dollar law firm!

And I hire four new interns every year

From this class I will select four young sharks whom I respect

And those four will have a guaranteed career

Do you follow me?

So I wanna see . . . What?

STUDENTS

Blood in the water

CALLAHAN

Exactly, let the games begin

STUDENTS

Hm-mm-mm-mm

CALLAHAN

Four of you will win

STUDENTS

Hm-mm-mm-mm-ooh-ooh-ooh

CALLAHAN

But just those four with the dorsal fin

Yes, blood in the water

So fight and scratch and claw

(spoken) Yes, Miss, uh

ELLE

(spoken) Woods, Elle Woods

CALLAHAN

(spoken) Someone's had their morning coffee.

Would you summarize the case of State of Indiana v. Hurn in your reading?

ELLE

(spoken) Oh, I wanted to answer the puppy question?

CALLAHAN

(spoken) But I'm asking you about the assigned reading.

ELLE

(spoken) Okay, who assigns reading for the first day of class?

CALLAHAN

(spoken) You have guts, Ms. Woods. Ms. . . . Kenzington

(sung) Let's say you teach a class at Harvard Law School

A position that you're justly proud about

But a girl on whom you call hasn't read the case at all

Should you let it go or--

VIVIENNE

(spoken) No! I'd throw her out!

CALLAHAN

All right, then.

You have heard your classmate

You have just been killed

She cut your throat, so grab your coat

Yes, you've got guts but

ALL

Now there's spilled your

Blood in the water

CALLAHAN

So would you please withdraw

And if you return

Be ready to learn

Or is it unfair?

Oh, wait I don't care!

That's just how I rule

In life and in school

With fear and shock and gall

CALLAHAN

You're nothing until

STUDENTS

Blood in the water

CALLAHAN

The thrill of the kill

STUDENTS

Blood in the water

CALLAHAN

Becomes your only law

STUDENTS

Blood in the water

CALLAHAN

Your only law

STUDENTS

Blood in the water

CALLAHAN

Your only law

STUDENTS

Blood in the water

BLOOD IN THE WATER!