Chip on My Shoulder

EMMETT

(spoken) Whoa, Elle? What's up, Doc?

ELLE

Love

EMMETT

(spoken) Excuse me?

ELLE

I put my faith in love

I followed where it led

EMMETT

(spoken) Love led you here?

ELLE

To my personal circle of Hell

It has not worked out well

I wish that I were dead

Cause instead of a wedding in love

I'm flunking out of school

A total laughing stock

Someone he and his friends could just mock

So go on, here's my head

Just hand over the rock!

EMMETT

(spoken) Wait, go back!

(sung) You came out here to follow a man

Harvard law was just part of that plan

Man, what rich romantic planet are you from?

ELLE

(spoken) Malibu?

EMMETT

Instead of lying outside by the pool

You stalk some guy to an ivy league school?

That's the weirdest reason I have--

ELLE

(spoken) Oh, why'd you come?

EMMETT

(spoken) Okay

(sung) I grew up in the Roxbury slums

With my mom and a series of bums

Guys who showed me all the ways a man can fail

I got through law school by busting my ass

Worked two jobs in addition to class

So forgive me for not weeping at your tale

ELLE

(spoken) Well excuse me,

just because you've got some kind of chip on your shoulder . . .

EMMETT

(spoken) You know what? You're right.

(sung) There's a chip on my shoulder

And it's big as a boulder

With the chance I've been given

I'm gonna be driven as hell

I'm so close I can taste it

So I'm not gonna waste it

Yeah, there's a chip on my shoulder

You might wanna get one as well

ELLE

(spoken) I'm sorry, but that sounds highly negative. Wait!

Two jobs PLUS law school?! How do you do it?

EMMETT

Well, I don't go to parties a lot

Not good use of the time that I've got

Can't spend hours doing my hair and staying in shape

ELLE

(spoken) I don't spend hours!

EMMETT

But I know it'll all be worthwhile

When I win my first lucrative trial

And buy my mom that great big house out on the cape!

ELLE

(spoken) Oh, that's so sweet!

EMMETT

No! That's the chip on my shoulder

I hugged my mom and told her

With the chance I've been given

I'm gonna be driven as hell

Though I can't take the day off

I just think of the payoff

You need a chip on your shoulder

Little Miss Woods comma Elle

ELLE

(spoken) I just need to prove to everyone that I'm serious!

EMMETT

(spoken) What you need is to get to work! Where are your law books?

ELLE

(spoken) Ummm . . . Well, I know they're here somewhere . . .

EMMETT

Ya know, this vanity's real picturesque

But it started its life as a desk

Clear it off, and find some room for books instead

ELLE

(spoken) What are you doing?!

EMMETT

Can you live without this?

Can you live without that?

I don't know what this is

ELLE

(spoken) It's for hair!

EMMETT

Wear a hat!

Spend some time improving what's inside your head!

Out, out, put it in storage, sell it on eBay, leave it behind

Out, out, what, are you angry?

Good, so get angry! You may find

The chip on your shoulder

ELLE

(spoken) ARGH!

EMMETT

The room just got colder

ELLE

(spoken) Hey!

EMMETT

But with the chance you've been given

Why are you not driven as hell?!

There's just no way around it

You gotta plow through til you've

ELLE

(spoken) Found it!

EMMETT

Been reading it hard, I can tell . . .

GIRLS

Tis a gift to be simple

Tis a gift to be free

Hmm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm

ELLE

(spoken) Bye, Warner! Have a great Thanksgiving!

Say hi to your mom and dad for me! And Grandma Bootsie!

EMMETT

(spoken) Define malum prohibitum.

ELLE

(spoken) Malum prohibitum is, ummm . . .

EMMETT

(spoken) An act prohibited--

ELLE

(spoken) An act prohibited by law like jaywalking or chewing gum in Singapore.

EMMETT

(spoken) Therefore malum ensae?

ELLE

(spoken) Is an action. That is evil in itself.

Assualt, murder, white shoes after labor day.

EMMETT

(spoken) Good. Where are you going?

ELLE

(spoken) Home, of course! It's Thanksgiving break, remember?

EMMETT

(spoken) Interesting.

ELLE

(spoken) What?

EMMETT

Well, I predict you will probably pass

ELLE

(spoken) Yes!

EMMETT

In the bottom percent of your class

ELLE

(spoken) What?

EMMETT

If you're going for mediocre, you've done great!

ELLE

(spoken) That's not fair!

EMMETT

Look, they laughed at me like they're laughing at you

We can't win if we don't follow through!

Might I venture your vacation plans can wait?

ELLE

(spoken) Why do you always have to be right?

GIRLS

Glo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ria! (Latin chanting)

ELLE

(spoken) Bye, Warner! Merry Christmas! Enjoy Bayo!

EMMETT

(spoken) Ho-ho-ho!

ELLE

(spoken) Emmett!

EMMETT

(spoken) For you! Not as good as going home for Christmas, but . . .

ELLE

(spoken) You are too sweet.

EMMETT

(spoken) It's a real time saver. Shampoo and conditioner in one!

ELLE

(spoken) Ah! (giggles) Thank you. You are so adorable to think of me.

WARNER

(spoken) Elle, hey!

ELLE

(spoken) Warner!

WARNER

(spoken) Have you seen Vivienne? I've been looking for her everywhere!

ELLE

(spoken) Yeah . . . I-I mean no.

WARNER

(spoken) Great! We're gonna miss our flight!

EMMETT

(spoken)Um, Elle?

(sung)I don't know if you've noticed before

But each time Warner walks in the door

Your IQ goes down to 40, maybe less

ELLE

(spoken) Huh?

EMMETT

Though it's hardly my business to say

Could it be the real thing in your way

Is the very guy you're trying to impress

ELLE

Yes! I've been smiling and sweet and thoroughly beaten blowing my chance

Let's not chase him away

Let's face him and say

"Hey punk, let's dance!"

This chip on my shoulder

Makes me smarter and bolder

No more whining or blaming

I am reclaiming my pride

Grab that book and let's do this

Instead of doodling hearts all through this

Now there's a chip on my shoulder!

Let's see him knock it aside!

GIRLS

Ah-ah-ah-ah Daughter of Delta Nu

Show him that you're no fool

Daughter of Delta Nu

Go back to school with a big chip on your shoulder!

WARNER

(spoken) Mr. Ladimer was clearly within his rights to ask for visitation.

Without his sperm, the child in question wouldn't exist!

CALLAHAN

(spoken) Now you're thinking like a lawyer!

Yes, Miss Woods.

ELLE

(spoken) Mr. Huntington makes an excellent point,

but did the defendant keep a log of every sperm emission made throughout his life?

CALLAHAN

(spoken) Interesting. Why do you ask?

ELLE

(spoken) Well, unless the defendant attempted to contact every sexual encounter

to find out if a child resulted from those unions,

he has no parental claim over this child whatsoever.

Why now? Why this sperm?

CALLAHAN

(spoken) I see your point.

ELLE

(spoken) And by Mr. Huntington's standards,

all masturbatory emissions where the sperm was clearly not seeking an egg would

be called reckless abandonment.

CALLAHAN

(spoken) Miss Woods, you just won your case.

ELLE

Ohmigod . . .

GIRLS

Wait, hold on, we just won the case!

ELLE

Omigod . . .

GIRLS

Elle got all up in Warner's face

ELLE

Omigod . . .

GIRLS

I am starting to like this place! Yes! Omigod!

CALLAHAN

(spoken) Miss Woods, excellent work today.

I assume you're applying for my internship. Do you have a resume?

ELLE

(spoken) I am one step ahead of you.

Here you go, and thanks in advance for your consideration.

CALLAHAN

(spoken) Dear God, it's scented.

Three months ago, I would have recycled this. Make sure to put it on file.

EMMETT

Guess she got a chip on her shoulder

Maybe some wise man told her

With the chance we've been given

We gotta be driven as hell

She was something to see there

I'm just happy I could be there

First big test and she aced it

She's so close she can taste it

She got a chip on her shoulder

Guess you never can te-e-ell . . .

With little Miss Woods comma Elle!

GIRLS

Elle Woods

Woods comma Elle

Chip on her shoulder

Elle Woods

Woods comma Elle

Chip on her shoulder

EMMETT

No you never can tell

GIRLS

Elle Woods

Woods comma Elle

Chip on her shoulder

ALL

With little Miss Woods comma Elle