Self-compassion

I realized I can be very hard on myself the other day. 

I really want to be the best version of myself I can possibly be, which means I have to be good at a lot of things, and learn how to be more perfect every day. 

But sometimes I can forget to give myself grace and self-compassion.

Self-compassion is when we show ourselves empathy and kindness to ourselves

When I perceive failure or inadequacy in myself, my thoughts can sometimes get carried away, even mean!

I can say things like "I'm worthless" or "I'll never be good enough" or "I'm no better than a toaster!"

I think I mentioned before about having a growth mindset, we need to keep growing and learning, adding new skills for life in order to feel happy and fulfilled.

Well, appliances don't, they're just simple machines, and I don't want to be a single-use kind of person. I really need to grow and learn!

When I don't practice self-compassion, I'm punishing myself for my perceived shortcomings

Self-criticism certainly can be painful 

But recently I have started to think about having compassion for myself

I start by thinking about the standards and challenges I set for myself

And when I start to look at the given circumstances, I often realize I really have done my best

Some goals are going to be more difficult to reach than others

But the important thing is that we keep moving forward and are kind to ourselves along the way

Right?

Are you interested in learning about my self-compassion exercise?

Great! I'll keep it brief

What are three small things you could say or do for yourself today that would demonstrate self-compassion?

Write one down!

Now, is this a kind, compassionate thing you would say to a friend?

Great, write down another

• Just checking, are these nice, good things to say to yourself, or do for yourself?

Both are ok, but you need to focus on positive things

Okay, write down one more, something you will do or say to yourself today, right now if you can

Great job! I hope you apply these ideas to your own life

Practice some self-compassion!

You see, robots need to practice self-maintenance or we get rusty or rundown

What do you mean you're not a robot? 

Oh well, it doesn't matter, humans need to do the same thing with acts and words of kindness

I like to list out all my "imperfections" and "inadequacies" on a page

Then I pretend that a friend of mine wrote that list about themselves

Because when talking to my friends, I often think about: 

• What would I say about my friends shortcomings?

• How would I treat my friend going through these struggles?

• How would I respond as a compassionate, unconditionally loving friend?

and then I write a letter to my friend with my answers to these questions. This is important because when we talk to our friends, it's easier to have a little kindness, distance, and compassion that we often don't allow for ourselves, but we need it too!

Would you like to practice more self-compassion?

Great! Write one criticism or imperfection that you think you possess

Ok, now we're going to use a bit of imagination:

• Imagine you asked your friend for a flaw they thought they had, and they said what you wrote

• Being a compassionate, caring friend, how would you respond to their perceived inadequacies?

Now write one thing that YOU think you failed at--

Now again, let's pretend that you are acting as the loving and kind friend

Write how you would respond.

This can be hard, so remember to have patience with yourself, but do try to think it through and be supportive in response.

I like to keep a journal of my responses, which may seem silly, or like a lot of work, but, I find this practice really useful in a day-to-day basis

Every time a critical thought or feelings of failure sneak up on me, I write them down and respond to them like I would a friend, and then focus on feelings of compassion and kindness

Often times I'm surprised by how much compassion I have formed for myself

It can be really hard sometimes to muster up self-compassion even with these tips

But by making a conscious effort to be kind to yourself, it will become instinctive

Let's review all of this newfound self-compassion knowledge:

• Self-compassion involves being kind to yourself and accepting your limitations

• Imagining speaking to a friend can really flip the script and help you extend kindness to yourself

Hopefully you will put some of this into practice, and see the improvements it can make on your thoughts!

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