"Starve

5.29.22 - 5.31.22

WARNING: IF YOU ARE DISTURBED BY GORE, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS BLOG.

This piece contains suggestive themes of gore. (fake organs, no blood)

Project Proposition:

This month is technically supposed to be a topic of a positive theme of Individuality, but I honestly have not been in the right mood to create an accurate topic. This month has been incredibly stressful and draining for me, so I would like to share a theme that has really been affecting me recently. After the school year ended, I experienced a super strong burnout from the amount of work I did during school. I did not have the motivation or drive to do anything for weeks, and I could not find my passion for working on personal projects like art. I have slowly been recovering, but the first initial weeks of summer break left me empty and braindead. I wanted to feel anything and I desperately wanted to feel like myself, but I was just completely distanced from my thoughts. I felt that I was overconsuming media and my thoughts to give myself any sort of motivation. This feeling is what inspired me to create the composition and the piece, Starved.

The composition of this piece is going to be a white and pale-ish colored figure that has some slight color to the skin. I am changing up the figure's anatomy and make this a more semi-realistic piece, and to combine a bit more masculine parts to my normally more feminine figures. I want to use a lot of texture and brush patterns to create a more rough style, to help get across the rough and harsh theme. I am currently undecided on the background, but I want to include food and dining in some sort of way. I may make this be set on a kitchen floor or some other place, but I want to show that there is no need to "consume" more food, but you still feel starved.

The meaning I am trying to get across in this piece, is the feeling or need of consuming so much media or other material objects in life, to the point of self destruction. I have personally struggled with this feeling of "not being satisfied" with many things in life, that I try to eat and eat as much as I can. If I was present in reality and with my feelings, I would be able to realize that I am full and satisfied. But when you are stuck in the mindset of being starved and not having enough, you just keep eating until you physically can't anymore. During the first few weeks of school break, I felt so starved and hungry for a passion. I could not feel the same driving emotion I used to, and I felt I had nothing to grab onto. I tried consuming a lot of media to help me get motivated and start some projects for myself, but that did not help me. I still was not present with myself, and I was not able to gain motivation that way.

This piece, Starved, is a topic that hit personally with me recently and I felt I had to use this topic in one of my works. I have now been slowly recovering from this passion burnout, and I hope to keep working on what I can. Don't be hard on yourself if you are currently stuck, as that does not do any good. The best thing I can recommend doing is taking a small action of self care for yourself, like getting out of bed for 5 minutes, getting a drink of water, and think to yourself, "What do I really want to do right now?" Try to listen to your self caring thoughts to the best of your ability, and slowly try to take action without thinking too much.

Sketch:

I was satisfied with this sketch and the figure's anatomy! I still did not know what I was going to do for the background, so I decided to sketch a kitchen.

I not personally good with gore and themes like this, so I wanted to not use accurate organs or colors to the human body. This would help me when creating this piece, but still create the strong grotesque feeling I wanted to get across.

I am going to try to paint over the sketch, as I do not like using sketches as a line art, but more as guidance for the composition. I hope to try out some more brushes and to continue experimenting with my style.

Figure:

I forgot to take progression pictures of the painting process, so here is the finished figure :(

I really like how this is looking already, especially the gore and expression! I also liked creating a more realistic body type for the anatomy. The small bits of color in the skin add some more interest and complexity into the piece, especially the greens.

At this point I still don't know exactly what I want to do for the background, but I might try painting a fancy dining place to create a big and void space. I think this will carry across a stronger emotion to the viewer, as well as create more contrast to the figure.

Final Product and Thoughts:

Here is the finished product of Starved! This project was a new challenge for me, as I was wanting to create a different composition and theme for this month.

I really liked how the figure turned out for this piece, as I added a lot of detail and thought into the anatomy. I really enjoyed using some abstract colors to the pale-ish gray base of the figure, as well as adding some unique textures with some new brushes! I also liked the different style I used for the head and facial features. Initially I was wanting to create even more of a mix of masculine vs. feminine features, and I think I added just a bit more masculine details than normal, which is good! I hope to continue pushing myself in this area and to diversify more of my figures used in the future.

There are a couple critiques I have for this piece, but most of my dissatisfaction is with the background. I do like the general composition of the objects, but I just need to add a LOT more detail and contrast in the shading and colors. If I completely painted out the background and made the piece look more coherent, then I would be a lot more satisfied with Starved. I hope to come back to this piece and to finish up the background and to make this piece look properly finished.

Besides my dissatisfaction, I am very proud of this piece and the emotion I am trying to get across. I believe that the current struggle of Individuality that I am experiencing right now is the struggle and need to keep pushing myself. I have been tearing apart myself and constantly been trying to improve myself, whether by seeing others succeeding, or just my own desires that I want to achieve. I personally have not reached out to others about this issue I have been struggling with, and if I did, I would probably be able to find satisfaction with where I am at right now. I plan on changing the piece to show this theme I have felt, of that there IS help available nearby, you just have to reach out to it. Thank you for following the progression of me making Starved.

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