This may be hard if you have a lot of friends but do choose wisely. The person who you choose should be organised, responsible and, above all, reliable. Choosing your oldest friend is a good idea and if you have a best friend it is a no-brainer. My husband chose two best men. I chose a maid of honour and a best man. Two of my best friends. The best man did not do anything as he is very busy and I did not want to put any pressure on him but my maid of honour, Paloma, was a godsend. https://wfphoto.biz/wichita-falls-wedding-photography/ My husband chose well with this best men. The main one was Tom as George was out of the country at the time. Tom, like Paloma, was a godsend. He was incredibly helpful and always gave his honest opinion. We both really appreciated his help and advice. He also had some great ideas that we loved.
You could also choose more than one maid of honour or best man if you really cannot decide. However, many people will just be delighted to be chosen as a bridesmaid or usher as it is a fun role without the same amount of pressure. Being a maid of honour or best man can be very stressful and hard work. Some people will be glad of the lesser role. Your wedding day is your day. So make sure divas and difficult people who are just going to upset you are not part of your wedding entourage. For the true friends in your life, honour them by giving them something important to do: a speech, being a witness or giving a reading.
If your female friend who you choose to honour is married then she is the matron of honour, if not she is the maid of honour or chief bridesmaid. Not many woman like being called ‘matron’ however so just ask for a preference.
The Maid of Honour’s duty is to be the bride’s wing woman. She is a sounding board, can be there when the dress is bought, keeps the other bridesmaids in line, helps out on the day. She is a therapist and a saint basically. She also plans the hen night. Will help the bride get into her wedding dress on the day and makes sure her makeup and hair look good all day. It can be quite the job and is not always fun. My maid of honour (who actually got engaged on the exact same day my fiancé and I did) was the best maid of honour EVER. She also made an amazing speech and I recommend all brides get their maid of honour to make a speech, otherwise all of the men get to have all of the fun and it is a little bit sexist. I have an interview with my amazing maid of honour, Paloma Kubiak, below.
I remember sitting in a Champagne and hot dog bar with Catherine having a catch-up and talking about the wedding which was set for the following summer. After lots of giggles and bubbles, I came home thinking Catherine may ask me to be her bridesmaid when we next meet up at a weird or wonderful location in London. But as she was slightly nervous, Catherine text me and asked whether I would be Maid of Honour. When I read the text, I was honoured, emotional and my obvious answer was ‘yes’. I’ve been a bridesmaid twice; once for my cousin and once for one of my other best friends, so it was a real privilege to be the stand-out, right-hand lady for the bride. Catherine had already bought her dress but my only thought was to make her hen-do and Wedding Day extra special.
I wouldn’t say being Maid of Honour was stressful – at times it was challenging as it seemed time was running out to plan the hen do and Catherine was trying to keep everyone happy above her own ideals of the wedding. I could tell at times she was stressed with it all and I tried to suggest the best ways to deal with conflicting family suggestions about flowers or seating arrangements etc. But on the day, it did all come together.
I’d say the hardest part about being Maid of Honour is knowing my place. Obviously I was Catherine’s ‘main gal’ as the make-up/hairdresser put is so aptly, but I was also conscious that Catherine and James’ family who I hadn’t met before would also play a significant part in the day. It might sound silly but when Catherine’s dress needed to be adjusted in the photos or her tiara needed to be pinned down so it wouldn’t slip, I didn’t know whether to dive in and do this or whether blood relatives would mind or want to do this themselves. Maybe it’s just me being ultra self-conscious, but these thoughts did cross my mind. You’ll be pleased to know that I did help out when not prompted by Catherine – I wanted her photos to be perfect and if that meant tucking in or adjusting clothing or the tiara, then it was my job to do this.
The easiest part about it all was that Catherine was the most undemanding bride ever. Previously I’d been chauffeur to visit wedding venues with my other friend, sampled wedding breakfasts, visited wedding fairs and been to textile altering shops many times with the bride. Catherine never once pouted if I couldn’t make an event, fitting or run through. She seemed to have everything in control and so being Maid of Honour was a real pleasure.
I’ve never had to organise a hen-do before and I really felt the pressure with this as I can’t even seem to organise my own birthday or a catch-up with the girls!
The first thing I did was to get the email addresses of the girls Catherine wanted to celebrate with. The next thing was to pinpoint a date when we could all make it or at least the majority. The next thing I did was to write down all the things Catherine liked and was interested in. I knew for a fact it needed to be a classy, intimate and special occasion; Catherine wouldn’t be smothered in ‘L’ plates or a stripper grinding on her lap.
Originally I had an idea of organising the hen do over the course of a weekend so the ladies could choose to attend any events that took their fancy and we could all spend a bit of time with the bride. So far we’d discussed clay-pigeon shooting, a casino and cocktail night, Champagne afternoon tea in London and even a trip to the cat café (Catherine’s a real tea and cat person!). But budgets, transport and family commitments made these initial plans a little too complicated. Catherine shares a travel dream of mine – we both want to go to Las Vegas so I wanted to go back to basics and organise just one amazing night and bring Las Vegas to London. This was a real hit with the other hens and so I booked the Palm Beach Casino in Mayfair which offered a learn to play session so we’d be taught some of the tricks of the trade before hitting the decks with the big spenders. As it was such a special occasion, the Casino offered us a complementary glass of Champagne too which was a nice personal touch.
We also organised the Champagne tea at Catherine’s flat in Putney. I had to ask James, the groom, to leave the flat for a few hours while we started celebrations there. James - ever the gent - naturally obliged. The original plan was for James to take Catherine out the flat for an hour, leaving the keys for me to find so I could decorate the flat. But as a journalist, Catherine was far too inquisitive and it just wasn’t possible to get her out for that length of time on her hen do without her getting suspicious! So plan B, the not so glamorous option, was for Catherine to stay in her bedroom as I decorated the flat. Armed with cakes, bubbly, tea, confetti and sandwiches, the flat gave the Ritz a run for its money. The other hens started to arrive and we put the finishing touches in and when Catherine came out of her room, she was shocked and surprised. It was lovely to see her so touched and happy.
The theme was black tie glam and every single lady looked stunning. We did have a few silly things planned too for the night so it wasn’t all too serious. We wrote down truth or dares on paper then put them inside balloons to pop. Whatever fell out of your balloon, you’d have to do that night. Also, don’t under-estimate the humour involved in ‘pegging’ people. In such a posh area, it was funny to witness men in their expensive suits walking around with a peg we’d manage to attach to them!
All in all, we all had an amazing, unforgettable night and it was nice to see the special ladies in her life surrounding the bride as she smiled despite losing all her casino chips!
I probably dedicated at least a couple of hours each week to plan the hen do over a three-month period. From asking friends for recommendations, to researching venues, ideas, checking food and drink menus, transport options and keeping in touch with all the hens via email. As James naturally wouldn’t be there, I still wanted him to play a part in the hen do. I wanted to do a ‘Mr and Mrs’ style questionnaire where I’d ask James some questions and then Catherine had to guess what he answered. This took a bit of planning as I had to think of some great questions, and strike the right balance between sweet and funny. As with any event you organise, you want everyone to get on and have fun, so I was naturally nervous as some of the girls hadn’t met before and I just wanted Catherine to have a good send off.
I look back and I still can’t believe how composed Catherine seemed on her wedding day which was full of emotion, anxiety and stress, more so than the average wedding jitters. After months of planning, nothing can prepare you for when your husband-to-be has spent the best part of the night before his wedding day in A&E and he wakes up to say ‘I want to marry you but I don’t know if I can’. When Catherine text me from the hospital, at first I thought it was a joke but the seriousness of the situation soon became clear. It was a gorgeous, sunny day, perfect for the wedding and Catherine had told me to be round for 10am. But I approached the flat after midday as I didn’t want to get in the way and thought the couple could both do with a few extra hours sleep. As I walked up the steps towards Catherine, I had no idea what to expect and when I saw her, she looked unusually calm. It was only in the last 30 minutes or so before the bridal party left that she was shaking uncontrollably.
The wedding itself was beautiful. I, along with a few others, couldn’t help but get emotional. James was doing his best to get through the ceremony and have the strength to stand during the vows. Despite being so ill, everyone caught the tender glimpses and smiles between the couple – we could all tell they were very much in love. We also all knew that this would be unlike any other wedding as the bride and groom may go off to hospital at any moment. But Mr and Mrs Yardley posed for photos with family and friends and even sat for the wedding breakfast. James, barely able to eat anything had to go for a lie down while everyone ate the three course, Italian inspired cuisine. Soon after, James and Catherine left to go back to the hospital and her parting words were for everyone to enjoy the rest of the evening. Without the couple, there were no twinkling stars, but everyone shuffled their feet on the dance floor, toasted each other for the health of James and watched as the sun slowly set across the Thames.
One of my top tips for being Maid of Honour is to be decisive – set a date, time and venue and stick with it. While choice can be good and provide flexibility to accommodate people, at other times it’s more of a problem as they can’t make up their minds or may take time to get back to you. By telling guests exactly when and where you want them, you’re in control, something you need to have as the bride’s right hand woman.
Saying that, don’t be afraid to ask others for help. I may have known Catherine for six years but I’ve never worked with her on the stage or in photo shoots, so different people may be able to provide different ideas about what the bride would like to do on her hen do, for instance.
Being Maid of Honour isn’t just about helping the bride pick her dress or choose the flowers for the big day. You do have a little extra responsibility and some of that is simply being there when she needs to chat and knowing when to say the right things. I’m a rubbish liar, but on the wedding day when Catherine was panicking about being late as she thought of James standing the altar in so much pain, I had to tell her that everything was going to be okay. The wedding would still go ahead; it’s the bride’s prerogative to be late, though I was conscious that we needed to get to the venue as soon as possible so James didn’t have to suffer in-front of the awaiting guests.
My other tip is to always have a ‘plan B’. When it became apparent that the hen do weekend wasn’t possible, I had to think on my feet and come up with alternative plans.
I would definitely plan the hen do again and I’d love to be Maid of Honour again for Catherine. Despite the panic of changing plans and venues and at first not being able to co-ordinate all the ladies and the fact that James was so ill, they did get married and it was a remarkable day. It was a pleasure witnessing Catherine become Mrs Yardley and we all have wonderful memories from both the hen do and the actual wedding day itself.
Thank you Paloma.
The best man does everything the maid of honour does, only for the groom. He buys the outfit with the groom, is his wingman and arranges the stag do.
Bridesmaids. Look pretty, walk down the aisle with the bride. They are basically maids for the bride but in a girlfriend kind of way rather than a servant kind of way. My bridesmaids were Paloma, my friend Holly, cousin-in-law Flora and sister-in-law Alexandra. They were all amazing and looked gorgeous on the day.
Flower girl: an adorable young child who is old enough to walk to the end of the aisle by herself, throwing petals along the way.
Ushers. Like maids to the groom and the wedding in general. Ushers keep a wedding running smoothly but you don’t need to have them. We didn’t have any. If you have a small wedding they will probably not be needed. Ushers help guests know where they are going to sit, give directions to the other venue or anywhere else that is needed. One usher per fifty guests is the general rule. Like all members of the bridal party they are ambassadors for the bride and groom. There to be courteous, polite and endlessly helpful. Make sure you get them all a little gift afterwards. Or a big one.