Friend 2:
Oh dude, I love this movie! It’s amazing; I just started watching it like 20 minutes ago. You’re gonna love the twist at the end!
Friend 1:
Don’t spoil it!
Friend 2:
Oh, no worries, no worries. It’s not a spoiler; it’s just…you know, this crazy ending you don’t see coming!
Friend 1:
Right, because the “crazy twist ending” isn’t a spoiler?
Friend 2:
Nah, I mean considering it’s about the two brothers, you figure it’ll be intense. Oh, and the dog—man, I wish they hadn’t done that!
Friend 1:
Wait, what happened to the dog??
Friend 2:
Uh...nothing! Nothing at all. Just—does the dog die?
Friend 1:
I don’t know! I haven’t seen this!
Friend 2:
Oh... [smirking] This part though…oh no, no, no, here it comes…five…four…three…
Friend 1:
You’re literally counting down!
[Scene transition: Same Living Room – watching a Santa Claus movie]
Friend 1:
You know, something about all these Santa movies just doesn’t add up. Like, if Santa really eats all those cookies, shouldn’t he be...you know?
Friend 2:
Overweight? Maybe it’s just Santa magic.
Friend 1:
Look, mathematically, if he eats one cookie per house at like 150 calories each—
Friend 2:
Dude, Santa doesn’t follow nutrition rules. Suspend your disbelief for one movie!
Friend 1:
I’m just saying, according to my calculations, he’d be…well, not alive.
[Scene transition: Now watching Superman]
Friend 2:
Come on. This Superman scene makes zero sense. F equals ma, like, just basic physics!
Friend 1:
You do know this isn’t a documentary, right?
Friend 2:
Still! Physics is physics. How hard can it be to make things realistic?
[Scene: Star Wars Intro – friend stares wide-eyed as the movie starts]
Friend 2:
Okay, okay, I can't believe you’ve never seen Star Wars. Let’s start with this one and then tomorrow—wait, what happened? Did he just…?
Friend 1:
Oh my gosh, yes! And now can you please just watch?
[Scene transition: Watching an action movie]
Friend 2:
Did he really just shoot those people? Just shoot them in the leg!
Friend 1:
You do realize this is John Wick, right?
Friend 2:
Yes, but that doesn’t mean it has to normalize gun violence.
Friend 1:
Oh here we go, you love that word, “normalize.” Do you have it up in your room or something?
Friend 2:
Hey, it was only once…Look, I’m just saying, movies influence people!
Friend 1:
Okay, okay. Can we just finish one movie without debating everything?
Friend 2:
Fine. But only because it costs zero dollars to be polite.
Friend 1:
Whispers to self: Oh hell no…
wait is this
oh dude i love this movie yeah i heard
it was really good i'd never seen it
before i'm like 20 minutes in right now
oh the older brother's still alive
awesome dude oh don't worry don't worry
it's not a spoiler it's just like this
crazy twist ending that you totally
don't see coming
yeah considering the two brothers the
main characters i figured oh the dog
man i wish they hadn't oh never mind
does the dog die oh how'd you know gee i
don't know oh this part oh no no no no
no no no no no no
bro
i'm not even saying anything yeah but
you're obviously giving away that
something scary is about to happen in
five are you counting down four
two
one
wasn't that so scary
oh dude you gotta watch the scene it's
so funny literally watching the movie
right now
[Laughter]
you know he's
[Applause]
okay you want something that i can't
stand about like all santa claus movies
what how can he fit down the chimney if
he weighs that much like i mean that's
the magic of santa claus plus it makes
no sense why he isn't even fatter i mean
think about if he's eating let's say one
cookie and that's lowballing it per
house and we'll just estimate 150
calories per cookie he's going to
millions of houses but we'll estimate
let's see santa's body doesn't exactly
follow nutritional science you know to
the letter no according my calculations
he should be dead like how am i supposed
to take this movie seriously now
okay
let's see
wait what
that would be possible what's the
problem now it's just so unrealistic
it's superman it's not exactly based on
a true story well it should be i mean f
equals m a come on how hard is that to
understand oh my god
all right all right you ready dude i
can't believe you've never seen star
wars before okay i think if we get
through the first one today and then
tomorrow
[Music]
oh geez
what happened he just killed those guys
on the subway why because they were
assaulting him why was he on the subway
because he was going home from where
work where does he work he was working
at the hospital as a surgeon he's
literally in a clown costume so i was a
cardiologist dude have you watched any
of this movie yeah this is the notebook
right
[Music]
is the daughter gonna die i hope not but
what if liam neeson never finds her that
would suck do you think he's gonna die
probably not
will the daughter become a singer i am
at the same exact part of the movie as
you so how will we watch and find out
i once lost someone close to me oh my
god it was my guinea pig guinea cool
i can tell you the story if you want
absolutely zero interest it was back in
the summer of 06. dude you're right i
should probably start from the beginning
i was born on october 10th 1992. it was
a full moon i'd always wanted a guinea
pig ever since i was conceived
okay that was pretty sick he should have
shot him in the leg what i'm just saying
like he didn't have to kill all those
people when shooting them in the leg
also would have stopped them do you know
this is a movie right
and it's john wick yeah but it totally
normalizes the shooting of unarmed armed
people
okay
i know you love that word normalizes
and i know you have it hanging big
letters in your room
and i know you masturbate to it on
occasion that was one time but just
because something's in the movie doesn't
mean it's become normalized yes it does
there have been nine saw movies well
it's totally different
okay i know you like to say that when
you have no argument okay you just don't
get it like this is how it starts how
what starts exactly what you know google
is free right google what if i have to
explain it to you then i'm not
explaining it to you what are you saying
right now well i guess i just care about
people other than myself
you know it costs zero dollars to be
polite right
oh hell no
10/13/2024 1931