Embedded Files
🥊 FIGHT — the fight response
(Driven by the need for control, justification, dominance, or protection)
What happens in your body when you feel angry or frustrated?
How do you notice that you're going into "fight mode"?
What triggers your need to react or win?
What thoughts do you hear inside yourself at such a moment?
What do you usually want to achieve with your reaction?
What would happen if you didn't react for a moment?
What situations make you extra alert or combative?
What do you feel beneath that anger—pain, fear, shame, powerlessness?
How does your environment react to your fierceness or assertiveness?
When has fighting been effective, and when not?
What is your relationship with control and power?
What does "getting your way" mean emotionally to you?
What happens with your breathing during anger?
What beliefs underlie your urge to defend yourself?
What would happen if you relinquished control a little more?
What would help you maintain strength without fighting?
What does "inner peace" mean to you in a conflict situation?
How can you transform anger into clear boundaries instead of attack?
What do you need to feel and regulate anger safely?
What valuable power lies within your fighting energy that you can use constructively?
🏃 FLIGHT — the flight response
(Driven by a need for safety through avoidance, distraction, or loss of control)
What do you most often flee from—emotions, people, tasks, decisions?
What do you feel just before you want to leave?
How does your body tell you you want to escape?
What makes staying difficult?
What thoughts reinforce your urge to flee?
What are your favorite forms of distraction or “escape”?
How does fleeing help you in the short term?
What are the long-term consequences?
Which situations or people trigger your flight response most?
What would happen if you stayed instead of running away?
What would it feel like to endure discomfort for a few more seconds?
What inner voice tells you you're not safe?
Where did you learn that distance is the best protection?
How can your body learn that it is safe now?
What kind of rest helps you stay present?
What does "safety" mean to you today?
How can you reassure yourself without disappearing?
What would be a small exercise in "staying in the moment"?
Who or what gives you a sense of support when things get tense?
What do you need to stay in your body, instead of escaping?
🧊 FREEZE — the freeze response
(Driven by overwhelm, powerlessness, dissociation)
How do you notice that you're "freezing"?
What's happening in your body at that moment?
What thoughts or emotions are you no longer able to access?
How does your environment react to your silence or withdrawal?
When did you begin to learn that "silence" is safer than reacting?
What has been the function of freezing for you?
How does it feel to talk about it?
How long does it usually take for you to "thaw" again?
What helps you reconnect with your body?
What signals warn you that you're freezing?
What could be the smallest step to move or breathe again?
How can you show gentleness to that frozen part of you?
Which memories or situations trigger this pattern most?
What would it be like not to judge yourself in those moments?
What do you need to feel strong again after freezing?
How can you acknowledge that your body once survived like this?
What does "safety in motion" mean to you?
What helps you slowly release tension?
How can you explain to others what happens when you freeze?
What would it feel like if freezing were no longer necessary?
🫶 FAWN — The Pleaser Response
(Driven by a need for approval, connection, or to avoid rejection)
What makes you tend to please others?
How do you sense the difference between "helping" and "pleasing"?
When do you find it difficult to say no?
What happens in your body when you disappoint someone?
What belief underlies your need for harmony?
What would happen if someone were angry or disappointed in you?
How much space do you allow for your own feelings?
Where did you learn that your boundaries are dangerous or unwanted?
How do you react when someone does respect your boundaries?
What emotions do you suppress to keep the peace?
How honest are you with yourself about what you truly want?
What does it cost you to always be available for others?
What fear lies beneath not daring to reject others?
How much of your identity is built around "being nice"?
What would it feel like to be kind but firm?
What does self-respect mean to you?
Who in your life encourages you to take your place?
How can you practice setting boundaries safely?
What's the difference between empathy and self-sacrifice?
How can you give yourself permission not to always be liked?
😶 FLOP — the crash reaction
(Driven by exhaustion, surrender, "shutdown," a feeling of no longer having any influence)
How do you notice when you're "crashing out" or crashing?
What happens in your thoughts or emotions just beforehand?
How does your body feel during such a moment?
Which situations most quickly put you in that state?
What does your inner voice tell you then?
What are you trying to avoid or stop at that moment?
What have you learned about asking for or receiving help?
How does your environment react when you withdraw or crash?
What helps you slowly rebuild your energy?
How can you recognize signals before you completely crash?
What belief tells you that "you can't do anything anyway"?
How can you be gentle with the part that just needs rest?
What does recovery mean to you — physically, emotionally, mentally?
What could you do to develop more resilience between peaks and troughs?
What would it be like to ask for help before you become exhausted?
Who can be a safe support person in such moments?
What small action feels possible when you have no energy?
What helps to slowly reactivate your nervous system?
How can you better listen to your body's signals of overload?
What do you need to believe that resting isn't failure, but recovery?
100 Questions for a Therapist, Coach, or Psychologist
Focus: — From Basic to Deeper
Situation, Feelings, Thoughts, Repetitive Behavior, Willpower, and Self-Control
Below are 100 questions, organized from simple and exploratory to in-depth and analytical.
They are intended to help someone reflect on:
the situation, feelings, thoughts,
and repetitive behaviors,
and to gain insight into personality traits,
willpower, and self-control
— and how these can be developed.
What brings you here today?
How would you briefly describe the situation that is bothering you?
What are you feeling right now as you talk about it?
Where in your body do you notice these feelings most?
When did you first start noticing this?
How often does this happen, approximately?
What usually happens just before the problem occurs?
What are you usually doing when it happens?
How long does such an episode last on average?
How much does it bother you on a scale of 0-10?
What thoughts run through your mind when this happens?
What words do you use in your inner dialogue?
What do you hope will change if this improves?
What have you already tried to improve it?
What worked somewhat and what didn't?
Who around you knows about this, and what do they say?
How does your environment usually react to your behavior?
What impact does this behavior have on your daily life?
What activities do you avoid because of this problem?
What do you miss by avoiding it?
What values are important to you in life?
To what extent does your current behavior align with those values?
What would you do if you were in control?
What's stopping you from doing that now?
What small step would be realistic today?
When do you usually feel most powerful?
When do you feel most vulnerable?
Which emotions most often resurface in this situation?
How do you usually deal with those emotions?
What role does stress play in this?
What are the thoughts that perpetuate the problem?
Are there beliefs about yourself that reinforce this? (e.g., "I can't do it")
How certain are you of these beliefs?
What is the evidence for and against these thoughts?
What alternative interpretations are possible?
What advice would you give a good friend in your situation?
How would you talk about yourself if you were more gentle?
What triggers can you recognize in your environment?
How does sleep/eating/alcohol influence your behavior in this regard?
What patterns do you see from your past?
What kinds of rewards are you seeking with this behavior?
What gives you a temporary sense of relief or control?
What are the hidden costs of that reward?
How does your body react physically when you give in to the impulse?
How quickly do you start to feel guilty or regretful afterward?
Have you ever tried to form a new habit? What helped?
What makes it difficult to persevere with new habits?
What will success look like in three months?
What small, measurable signals would indicate progress?
How would you reward yourself for a small improvement?
What role does self-criticism play in your behavior?
How hard are you on yourself for mistakes?
What happens psychologically when you fail—do you give up or try again?
What methods do you use to calm yourself down?
How easily can you resist temptation on a busy/stressful day?
What situations make it impossible to resist?
What skills would you like to learn for more self-control?
Do you have examples of people who handle temptation well? What do they do differently?
What helps your memory and planning—lists, reminders, routines?
To what extent do you consciously plan your days or do you live primarily intuitively?
How would you rate your impulsiveness on a scale (low to high)?
How important is immediate reward in your decisions?
Are you more sensitive to punishments or rewards?
How do you deal with uncertainty and waiting for results?
What role does motivation (intrinsic vs. extrinsic) play in your choices?
How much control do you feel over your emotions?
Which personality traits do you think influence your behavior? (e.g., perfectionism, people-pleaser, anxious)
Which of these traits do you want to maintain, and which do you want to change?
In what situations do you most lose self-control?
What early warning signs signal that you're on the way to repeating the behavior?
How do you respond to setbacks—do you recover quickly or do you linger?
What is your typical coping style: avoidance, problem-solving, worrying?
How high is your tolerance for frustration?
What role does impulsivity play in your relationships?
How does perfectionism influence your will to start or persevere?
How much energy does it take to resist habits?
What beliefs about success/failure have you inherited from home or childhood?
How do those beliefs influence your self-control now?
What automatic behavioral rules do you have (e.g., "if X happens, then Y")?
How could you rewrite such automatic rules?
What are potential pitfalls as you make progress
(e.g., overconfidence, stress-related setbacks)?
How will you handle relapses if they occur?
Which core needs does this behavior attempt to fulfill? (safety, connection, control, pleasure)
What alternative, healthier actions could fulfill that same need?
Which personality traits do you want to develop to increase resilience and self-control?
What specific exercise would you like to do this week to practice your willpower?
How will you record successes and learning points? (journal, app, conversation)
What small rewards or rituals can you use to persevere?
How patient are you with behavioral change—what is a realistic pace?
Which belief about yourself, if changed, would most enhance your willpower?
Looking back five years from now: what do you wish you had started now?
What is the first concrete step you will take now—and when exactly?
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