Coaching

Coaching tone & ethics

Use curiosity, validation and nonjudgemental language.
Prioritise safety first — if a client is suicidal, self-harming, or in immediate danger, refer to emergency services or specialist mental health care.
Work collaboratively: the client is the expert of their experience.
Respect cultural, developmental, and neurodiversity differences in expression.

Final notes for coaches (Stijn Gabeler)

Approach every client with compassion, curiosity and humility.
Track progress with simple metrics (safety rating, frequency of dominant response, skill usage).
Use co-regulation: model calm, use clear structure and predictable sessions.
Keep learning — trauma work intersects with therapy; know your scope and collaborate with health professionals.

Step-by-step coaching guide (program outline)

This is a practical pathway you can use in individual coaching sessions or workshops.

Phase 0 — Intake & safety (Session 0)

Establish immediate safety: Ask about suicidality, self-harm, ongoing abuse. Create or update a safety plan if needed.
Consent and boundaries: Describe coaching limits and when a referral to therapy/medicine is necessary.
Baseline assessment: Brief questionnaire or conversation mapping dominant responses, trauma history, supports, and current stressors.
Set initial goals: What does ‘safer’ or ‘better’ look like for this client in 1 month / 3 months?

Phase 1 — Psychoeducation & normalisation (Sessions 1–2)

Teach the Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn/Flop model using simple language and metaphors.
Help the client identify their patterns with real-life examples and timelines.
Assign a daily quick-check: short notes on what response arose and in what situation.

Tools: short handouts, a one-page nervous-system map, symptom tracker.

Phase 2 — Grounding & regulation skills (Sessions 3–6)

Goal: Build immediate nervous-system tools so the client can tolerate activation.

Core exercises:

Breath work (coherent breathing: 4–6 breaths per minute or breath counts adapted to client comfort).
Grounding techniques (5-4-3-2-1 senses exercise, naming objects, clenching/relaxing muscles).
Movement prescriptions: gentle exercise or orientation movement for Fight/Flight; slow, weight-bearing movement for Freeze/Flop; micro-assertions for Fawn.
Safe-place visualisation for dissociation.

Homework: Practice two short techniques daily (2–10 minutes). Track effects.

Phase 3 — Pattern exploration & reframing (Sessions 7–10)

Goal: Understand triggers and the protective function of the response.

Map typical triggers, thoughts, body sensations, and behaviours for one dominant pattern.
Use compassionate curiosity: "What was this strategy trying to protect you from?"
Cognitive reframing: spot automatic beliefs (e.g., ‘If I don’t please, I’ll be abandoned’) and test them in small experiments.

Micro-experiments: graded exposure to avoided situations (for Flight), scripted assertive statements (for Fight and Fawn), brief social boundary trials.

Phase 4 — Skill integration & relational repair (Sessions 11–14)

Goal: Apply new skills in relationships and stressful contexts.

Role-play difficult conversations, using stop/slow signals and grounding.
Build an "if-then" plan: e.g., if I feel triggered (identify first cue), then I will use X grounding skill and say Y.
Social-safety scaffolding: identify allies and disclose small parts of the journey to trusted people.

Phase 5 — Identity & resilience work (Sessions 15–18)

Goal: Strengthen sense of agency, values and identity beyond survival patterns.

Values clarification and small-value-aligned actions.
Narrative work: rewrite the client’s story from a resilience perspective (what they survived rather than what is wrong with them).
Build a relapse-prevention plan: early warning signs and steps.