Boundaries

Boundaries in relationships

Ask yourself what you can and cannot deal with. Take notice of your own feelings.

Establish what you can cope with and are willing to accept from a relationship.

Set your boundaries/ rules for the relationship. This will inevitably involve:

* Backlash from the other person

* You feeling guilty

Seek out support. Make sure you pass on any feelings of responsibility, guilt, sadness etc.

Be confident in your decisions and take time to look after yourself.

Acknowledge what you are feeling

If interacting with a family member or friend and you begin to anxious or uncomfortable with how they're treating you or with what they're asking of you, make a note of it. Why is it that you feel uneasy around this person but calm and happy around your other friends?

Decide how you want to handle the situation

Once you've recognised the behaviour, take action. If its someone you don't see often or are required to interact with, try distancing yourself. If it's someone you care about and want to keep in your life, try talking to them. The first step is letting the other person know that their behaviour is no longer acceptable. In extreme cases, you can cut this person out of your life. Maybe they did something truly horrible to you, or perhaps you feel too anxious being around them anymore.

Choose your next course of action

Recognise that you are in control of what happens next, but you also need to know that this person may disagree with you. If it's a friend or family member, give yourself some time apart from them or let them know you wan't be in contact with them anymore. If they respond to your concerns positively, work out a solution that enables you both to move forward.

Stay firm in your conviction

When a situation arises that makes you uncomfortable, take a step back. Take a big breath and remind yourself that your emotional and mental well-being is important. Remind the person you're interacting with that they're making you uncomfortable or propose a new topic of conversation.

Learning How to Say “No”

Many people stretch themselves thin because they don’t allow themselves to say “No”. However, if people are making you sacrifice your mental health, your education or your other priorities for them, then they aren’t valuing your independence. Saying “No” to things is okay, and is a powerful skill to have.

Here's how you can effectively say no:

Say it. Don't beat around the bush or offer weak excuses.
Be assertive and courteous.
Understand peoples' tactics.
Set boundaries.
Put the question back on the person asking.
Be firm.
Be selfish.

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