Grief

They say that cortisol levels spike in blacks and Latinos if they hear something racist. (They theorize it is the same for Asians, but do not have enough studies yet.)

But what is cortisol?

It is

cycles of thoughts

an infinite while loop

of fight or flight.

It is

weariness, a shadow

sucking your energy

as you lay immobilized.

It is

feeling like you can’t

breath - move - speak

a tight ache in your chest.

It is

moaning on the inside

while smiling on the outside

belying your pent-up grief.

I pray it will go away, and I talk to my parents.

I also pray that this racism will end, but more importantly, that people will be saved.

1 Peter 5:7 - “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” (NIV)

The news came in sideways --

A remark in a class Slack on ‘tragic events’ on campus.

Tragic events? A football game loss

Headlined the student news.

It would be laughable to call that ‘tragic’.

Then two articles on police at dorms

Caught my eye.

Click

The truth unfolded in frames:

A student fallen from the heights

Spread-eagled on the ground

A girl dangling from a noose

Thought dead but still alive

A body found dead outside

One month prior

An unreported attempt

To leave breath behind

I still don’t know

If I should be sad.

I never knew those people

But they could have very well been friends

Whom I pray for, and hope

To catch if they fall.

Sometimes, I find myself

On the verge of crying.

Other times, I am upbeat

To the point of insensitivity.

Should it matter to me personally?

I don’t know, but I care.

Students and employees alike

Grope for a way

To send love, to set up

Guardrails on the cliffs.

It warms my heart

But reminds me

Of how so many are lost

With a hole in their hearts

They cannot fill.

So if any of you are on

The edge of the cliff tonight

Please listen to these words:

You. Are. Loved.

You are loved by those around you.

You are loved by me.

And most of all, you are loved by God,

Who sent Jesus, His Son to die

For you.

He fills the void in my heart,

And He can fill yours.

You are worth more

Than you can imagine.

Please seek help, and remember

That

You. Are. Loved.