UNBEARABLE

UNBEARABLE Excerpt - written by Gordon Blitz

Tagline: A spoiled and cantankerous Goldilocks moves into the Three Bears' house because it is just right, and they must find a way to deal with her.

MAMA BEAR (mid‑40's, nervous and jittery) is at the stove stirring porridge for breakfast. She stops. She reaches into her pocket, pulls out a small bottle, unscrews the top, smells it, smiles and pours the ingredients into the porridge.

GOLDY (teenage chubby girl with long golden hair wearing pajama bottoms and a frilly blouse) enters the kitchen. Mama quickly screws the top back on the bottle and slips it into her pocket.

GOLDY

I'm starving. That porridge better not be too cold or too hot!

MAMA

(speaking softly)

You're making me nervous. I'm trying to make it just right.

GOLDY

You better!  I had a rotten night's sleep. That bed is too high.

MAMA

And you complained that the other bed was too low. Why don't you make up your mind. Just sit down while I finish cooking.

GOLDY sighs like she's doing MAMA a favor. She plops into a wooden chair. GOLDY pops back up like she sat on a tack.

GOLDY

It's too hard.

MAMA

       It felt soft to me when I sat on it.

GOLDY

You've got so much padding. This chair just won't do!

GOLDY picks up the chair and smashes it against the wall. MAMA shakes and starts crying.

MAMA

There goes the great therapy session I had today.

GOLDY

I'm sick of figuring out which Bear I'm talking to.

MAMA

My therapist said that you're the problem.

GOLDY

What?

MAMA

         You have infantile anger and you don't treat me or Papa or Baby  with respect.

GOLDY

How can I? You're a threesome in one. I bet you're faking it. Trying to make me think I'm going crazy.

GOLDY reaches out and tugs MAMA’s beard hard. Then she jabs at MAMA's stomach.

MAMA BEAR’s posture changes instantly to shoulders back, chin up, voice dropping. She becomes PAPA BEAR. Deep voice, swagger, proud.

PAPA

Hey there! You think this is fake? I'm the real thing! I'll have you know that I attract all kinds of other types of bears.

GOLDY

Give me a break! It's a fetish. The longer the beard and the bigger the stomach; that's all they care about.

PAPA

  You're just jealous because you can't find a mate. You're fat!

GOLDY

You should talk. I see the way you stuff yourself all summer long and then sleep all winter.

PAPA

                           Yeah, but it looks good on me. You're just a blimp.

PAPA punches GOLDY in the stomach and tugs at her blouse.

GOLDY

  (slapping PAPA BEAR away)

  You're so mean!

 PAPA

  But it's true. You can't even fit into your clothes.

GOLDY

                           It's genetic.

PAPA

  That's bullshit!  You're just a spoiled brat!

GOLDY

  What did your therapist really say?