This short poem describes my feelings that occurred many times in my life during the COVID-19 pandemic and my transition to UCSD. The first panel has multiple meanings and I use blue to emphasize these isolated and bottled-up feelings. I felt isolated and stressed out. Disappointed that my expectations for an in-person college experience vanished. I had a hard time making friends because everything was online. I felt alone. 

The first panel also represents how I dealt with my Indonesian-American heritage. I moved many times in my life. I was born in Washington State and moved to Orange County when I was four and then my family moved back to Washington when I was seven years old. The big move happened when I was eight years old when my family moved to Jakarta, Indonesia for me to learn about our Indonesian culture and extended family. My family moved to San Diego when I was 15. I always felt I was an outsider and alone, no matter where I lived. For example, I do not feel American enough when I live in the US nor Indonesian enough in Indonesia. This panel also represents how I felt when I transferred to UCSD. I do not feel like I belong at UCSD. I thought it was mere luck or coincidence that I got accepted. I felt that many of my peers in my Studio Art major were more talented and creative than me. Overall, the first panel represents loneliness and dealing with moving around, always feeling like an outsider. I bottled up these feelings because I thought sharing my feelings would make me look weak and vulnerable. 

The second panel conveys that bottling up these feelings was overwhelming, like a weight I could bear to carry, and that led me to feel like I am falling. I used a vertical format for my artwork to convey this falling movement, and it represents how I moved a lot in my life from place to place. I was also inspired by webtoon webcomics and manga or Japanese graphic novels which is the reason why I chose a comic format for my story. The borders around the panels slowly disappear to represent that I allowed myself to open up to others. The third panel represents my close relationship with my mom because she is the first person I talk to when I feel

down. She is my home, stability, and comfort in my life. She also encouraged me to do art by providing me with art supplies and told me to follow my passions before I picked my Studio Art major. She is also the reason why I got into watercolor and digital art. My mom bought me a Sakura Koi Watercolor Travel set when I was 14 which I still use today. She also bought me a Wacom pen tablet for my 18th birthday during the pandemic. I combined watercolors and digital art to portray my two favorite art mediums and my love for my mom. Watercolor was used in the first two panels and the last two panels were digital to represent my transition from loneliness to resilience by opening up and my feelings. 

The third panel shows circles of different skin tones while the fourth panel shows different hands lifting me to represent how my family and friends support and lift me during my hard times and struggles. The fourth panel shows my journey of resilience after I transferred to UCSD. During the pandemic I felt I did not take that many opportunities in high school, I did a lot of research and went to many resources in Miramar college about transferring and taking as many classes as I could to make the two-year free tuition of the Promise Program worth it. I realized being a transfer student helped me be brave to go to different resources and seek help. I later joined the PATH (Preparing Accomplished Transfers to the Humanities) summer academy at UCSD. I found out that many transfer students I made friends with also have similar struggles with imposter syndrome. I am proud that I joined the PATH program and now I am majoring in Studio Arts because I want to do what I am passionate about and hopefully be an illustrator in the future.

My journey with resilience has always been tied down with my relationship with art. The back-and-forth moving in my life made me a shy child in the past. But, I would gravitate towards cartoons, anime, video games, and movies. It inspired me to start drawing from Spongebob, and Pokemon and I learned drawing from a “How to draw manga” book. During elementary school, I always thought drawing was just a hobby to me. I had thoughts that I had no talent for art because other people around me and my friends were more talented than I am. I was jealous and bitter that I gave up on art when I was in 4th and 5th grade. In middle school, I was surprised that my classmates and friends would ask me to draw requests for their favorite characters. I later realized how my art can bring a smile to people’s faces and made me feel satisfied and I grew into liking my art. I later realized that my love for fandoms and drawing made me talk passionately about them and less nervous when I talk to new people. However, I still thought I could not make a career or future in art. Until I was in community college, I realized that art has always been a part of me since my hardest times. Every time there is an obstacle I face, I draw to express my inner feelings and turmoil or even to make me happy again in life. I also use Instagram which is @kirakoart to share my artwork. I also keep many finished sketchbooks that are like my personal diaries of my life. Looking at my artworks in the past made me appreciate my progress and art style. The story of my art journey ties back to my struggles and overcoming these obstacles made me more powerful and confident in the future. For now, I believe that I am still on the journey of dealing with my resilience because I feel life will always give me challenges for me to overcome. 

Therefore, this comic I made represents how I believe there is a life purpose for the people you meet in your life. I believe your resilience is supported and helped by your loved ones. You are the one who can make your path with the support of others.