Lost in the Path 

School is such a central part of growing up. From an early age we are asked what we want to be when we grow up and with the years more pressure is added up to make that tangible. “Where will you go? What will you study? What job will you have?” These are repeated by everyone, from parents to the Uber driver from last week, you can’t escape them. You finally make it to college, apply to a prestigious university, and you get in!

Now what? Everyone is so proud and tells you they believe in you and that you will change this world. The pressure continues… Now you need to figure out an entire new system, community, institution. Emails and mail making their way to you in an intrusive way, they explain to you the programs, scholarships, clubs, classes, departments. You are bombarded with information, not knowing where to turn. You ask for counseling, and they tell you to wait. You go to campus, and you get lost. You finally schedule a zoom meeting with someone but you need to wait two hours in the waiting room. You get fifteen minutes and are directed back to the websites and emails that confused you. 

You get loans. You submit all the documents. You choose your classes with hesitation. 

It’s the first day and you feel you don’t belong. Not only have you been an online student for two years in a very diverse community college and find yourself surrounded by thousands of people your age but you look around and all you see are sororities and churches. You feel a hole in your stomach, “Is this what I’ve been working so hard towards? Was I blinded by the prestige?”

Time goes by and you consider everything, to transfer, to quit, to go part-time. But you know that this is not the first time you have felt this way. You remember what you did last time to make you feel better. You keep advocating for yourself, you make the appointments, you use the resources, you send that email, despite it being strange and intimidating. You get lost every other day, but you grow to enjoy it. Maybe if you keep trying, you’ll start to belong. 

Quiero poder ver atrás a esta etapa de mi vida con una sonrisa. El hecho de que esté aquí es resultado de muchos esfuerzos, míos, de mi familia y de generaciones atrás. Claro que abruma pero también motiva. Estoy aquí y quiero hacer que valga la pena. Aunque a ratos me sienta perdid