Hey, It’s me again. It’s a funny feeling to revisit the same theme of identity and resilience after a year. Looking back at what I submitted last year, I realized how much I have changed and how much things have changed.

Thinking back to the state when I wrote my previous essay, I was struggling to hold onto the light at the end of the tunnel. My resilience and optimism were supported by reasons I came up with to convince myself that things weren’t as bad as they seemed. That way of being resilient definitely pushed me through the hard times, but along the journey I realized, demonstrating resilience in that way was mentally exhausting.

Convincing myself of a good future that is uncertain was exhausting. Then, I realized, perhaps finding optimism at the moment is a better way of demonstrating resilience. So, I went to school on a typical day. On this day, I took an effort to take note of the minute things that made me even a little happier.

I decided to put on my best outfit that day to make my day a little more special. I happened to sit on the right side of the train. On the journey to school, I had such a beautiful view. On my way home from school, I spontaneously dropped by La Jolla Pier to watch the

sunset. Without going out of my way, I felt really happy that day. From then on, I carried on my daily activities with the task to find the little joys in my routine.

In short, I found a new way to show resilience. With this new perspective, I’ve grown as a person. I started prioritizing myself, which also means being selfish sometimes. I stopped saying yes to everyone who reached out to me for help. As a result, I lost some friends. I did, however, have more time to explore my interests. I also became more extroverted. I began to take the initiative to ask a friend out, to discover social events. I learned that it’s okay to not find a friend whom I could click with on a social outing. We have different personalities, and it’s okay to be incompatible.

We all win some and lose some. I learned to be at peace with the things I lost and to look forward to things that are coming. Meanwhile, I continue to be grateful for the joyous little things that lift my mood on a gloomy day. I think my identity is not only defined by my physical attributes, my sexuality, or my societal roles, but also by how I perceive, interpret, and handle the world. Hence, identity, for me, is dynamic as I continuously discover new ways to navigate life.

If you were to ask me about my identity today, I might say, “for the most part, my identity does not require me to battle against societal constructs, and for that I’m privileged. However, my identity involves battling against myself to find ways where I could eventually perceive the world in the best light. Thus, in that process, parts of my belief and personality are bound to change simultaneously.” Thus, if I were to revisit this theme next year, I might arrive at a different conclusion regarding my identity. That said, I hope you manage to find an identity that best represents you!