Közzététel dátuma: Jan 30, 2018 11:37:53 AM
Eközben az erődítési munkálatokon kívül másra is volt gondom. Mindinkább beláttam, hogy milyen sokat köszönhetek kecskenyájamnak, és aggódva gondoltam arra, mihez kezdenék nélkülük, ha, például, valami ragályos betegség kezdene pusztítani közöttük.
Ahhoz, hogy megőrizzem ezt a bőséges táplálékforrásomat, két megoldás kínálkozott: az egyik, hogy találok még egy kényelmes barlangnak való helyet és akollá alakítom azt, ahová minden éjszaka beterelhetem a nyájat. A másik, hogy egymástól távol, lehetőleg rejtett helyen elkerítek két-három karámot, ahol elkülönítek, mondjuk egyenként fél tucat gidát, így ha a nyáj nagy részének baja is esne, viszonylag könnyen pótolhatom a hiányt. Bár tény, hogy ez a megoldás több munkát igényelt, mégis célravezetőbbnek tűnt.
Hozzáláttam, hogy feltárjam a sziget legeldugottabb helyeit, és a legalkalmasabbnak azt az erdős völgyet találtam, ahol egyszer eltévedtem a sziget túlpartjáról hazafelé menet. A félreeső völgyet, amelynek jó nedves talaja volt, olyan sűrűn ölelték körbe a környező erdők, hogy már-már természetes zárt terület jött létre. Így aztán jóval kevesebb munkával célt értem, mint a korábbi legelők elkerítésekor.
(13) Azonnal munkához láttam, és egy hónapon belül elkészültem a sövénykerítéssel. Ezután tíz fiatal nősténykecskét és két kecskebakot hajtottam belé, majd folytattam a kerítés javítgatását, míg éppolyan biztonságos nem lett, mint a másik. Ez már több időmet vette igénybe.
Két teljes év folyt le, mióta azt a bizonyos emberi lábnyomot láttam. Az említett rengeteg fáradozás is mind egyetlen lábnyom miatt történt, hiszen élő ember azóta sem került a szemem elé. Mi tagadás, ez a két év a korábbiaknál sokkal több gondot és aggodalmat okozott nekem. Bármiként küzdöttem is a gondolat ellen, újra meg újra visszatért a fenyegetettség érzete, és még vallásos beállítottságom is jelentős csorbát szenvedett miatta. Ritkán voltam olyan lelkiállapotban, hogy békés alázattal megadjam a Teremtőnek járó tiszteletet. Ha imádkoztam, haláltól rettegő szívvel és elmével tettem azt, és az odaadásnak ez a formája bizony kevésbé üdvös.
Teendőim elvégzésével nem hagytam fel. Miután az egyik új karám elkészült, elindultam, hogy helyet keressek egy másiknak. Eközben eljutottam eddigi kalandozásaim legnyugatibb pontjára, és egyszer csak úgy rémlett, hogy a tenger sima hátán, nagy távolságban, egy ladikot látok. A kapitány hajósládájából származó távcsövem sajnos nem volt nálam. Szabad szemmel pedig addig néztem, míg minden elmosódott a szemem előtt. Úgy döntöttem, hogy nem jövök el többé távcső nélkül otthonról.
Továbbhaladva leereszkedtem a hegyről és elérkeztem a sziget csúcsához, ahol most végre meggyőződhettem róla, hogy az idegen emberi lábnyom a szigeten egyáltalán nem volt szokatlan jelenség. Csak én hittem annak, mert a szigetnek azon az oldalán éltem, ahová a vademberek sosem látogattak el, azon a partszakaszon viszont, ahol most jártam, tudtomon kívül, rendszeresen kikötöttek a szárazföldről kicsit messzebb elkalandozó kenuk. Utasaik, a kannibál bennszülöttek gyakran hozták ide a csatákban ejtett foglyaikat, hogy szörnyű szokásaikhoz híven itt megöljék és megegyék azokat.
Mondom, amikor a hegyről leereszkedve elértem a sziget délnyugati csúcsához, olyan látvány tárult elém, amelytől zavar és döbbenet lett rajtam úrrá. Előttem a földön koponyák, kar, láb és egyéb embercsontok hevertek szanaszét. Jól látható volt a tábortűz helye is, valamint egy a földbe ásott kör alakú mélyedés, amelyet a vadak alighanem embertelen lakomáik lebonyolítására használtak.
Annyira elborzadtam a látványtól, hogy hosszú időre elhagyott még a veszélyérzetem is. Addig csak rémmesékben olvastam efféle pokoli kegyetlenségről, az emberi természet ilyen lealjasodásáról, de szemtől szembe látni mindezt, iszonyú volt. El kellett fordulnom, mert rosszul lettem, és csak azért nem ájultam el, mert a természet hirtelen elemi erővel szabadította fel a gyomromból a feszültséget. A hányást követően kicsit megkönnyebbültem, de egy percig sem bírtam tovább ezen a helyen maradni. Amilyen gyorsan a lábam bírta, elindultam hegynek fel, hazafelé.
Amikor már jó darabon eltávolodtam a parttól, megálltam, hogy megpróbáljam feldolgozni a látottakat. Mire továbbindultam, már újra felbuzgott bennem az Istent dicsérő imádság. Valóban nagyon jóságos volt irántam, hogy különválasztott ezektől az elvetemült fenevadaktól. Számkivetett helyzetemben annyi mindennel ellátott, de a legnagyobb adomány mégis az a tudat volt, amelyet újra és újra megerősített bennem, vagyis hogy számíthatok az áldására.
Hálával telt szívvel érkeztem meg az erődömbe, amelyben most a korábbiaknál sokkal nyugodtabbnak éreztem magam, mert tudtam, hogy ezek a hitvány férgek sosem járják be a szigetet, zsákmány után kutatva. Nyilvánvalóan jártak már a közeli, sűrű erdővel borított területeken, és nem gondolták, hogy azon túl van bármi is, ami a hasznukra lehetne. Tizennyolc évet töltöttem el itt úgy, hogy eggyel sem találkoztam közülük és újabb tizennyolc évet leélhetek ugyanígy, ha nem mutatkozom előttük, amit szándékomban is állt betartani. Csak a kannibáloknál nemesebb lényeknek voltam hajlandó felfedni az ottlétemet, feltéve ha erre vetődnek ilyenek.
Olyan undor és szomorúság fogott el az állatias vademberekkel és emberevő szertartásaikkal kapcsolatban, hogy ettől az időtől kezdve csaknem két évig alig hagytam el saját területemet. Saját területemen a három ültetvényemet, az erődömet, vidéki birtokomat és az erdei karámot értem. Viszolyogtam a gondolattól is, hogy megpillanthatom őket vagy szertartásaik képében magát az ördögöt. Mind ez idő alatt egyszer sem látogattam meg csónakomat, de újra fontolóra vettem, hogy másikat készítek. Az előbbivel már úgysem vitorlázhattam volna vissza a lakhelyemre anélkül, hogy kockáztatnám a vademberekkel való találkozást. Akkor viszont elfognának és a többi legyőzött sorsára jutnék. Végül az idő múlása segített beletörődnöm ebbe a helyzetbe is, és teljesen visszatértem a korábbi életvitelhez, azzal a különbséggel, hogy óvatosabb voltam és körültekintőbb, különösen arra vigyáztam, nehogy elsüssem a puskámat barangolásaim közben.
Bölcs dolognak bizonyult, hogy kecskenyájat neveltem és így nem kellett többé vadásznom. Ha mégis el akartam ejteni egyet-egyet, csapdákat és hurkot használtam. Bár a legutóbbi szörnyű élményem óta újabb két év telt el és az alatt egyszer sem sütöttem el a fegyveremet, mégsem feledkeztem meg arról, hogy a puskán kívül még két pisztolyt vegyek magamhoz, ha elmentem hazulról. Ráadásnak egy jókora vadászkést fentem ki, és kard gyanánt, hüvely nélkül a derekamra kötöttem. Meg kell hagyni, elég ijesztő látványt kelthettem így.
Mostani helyzetem, amelyet jelentősen meghatározott a tény, hogy ezek az emberállatok itt táborozhatnak a közelemben, sok korábbi, kényelmem fejlesztésével kapcsolatos tervemre rányomta a bélyegét. Korábban többek között azon is törtem a fejem, hogy felcsapok sörfőzőnek, és az árpából malátát, abból pedig kellemes italt készítek magamnak. Szeszélyes gondolat volt, és bár elsőre nem tűnt bonyolultnak, sok minden hiányzott hozzá: hordó, amiben a sört tarthattam volna és amit évekkel előbb sehogy sem sikerült elkészítenem, továbbá komló, élesztő és üst. Mégis úgy érzem, hogy ha kellő időt fordítok rá, szokott kitartásom végül sikerre vezetett volna. A jelenlegi körülmények között, sajnos, ezt nem volt módom igazolni.
Találékonyságomat most más területen próbáltam kamatoztatni. Néha majd szétrepedt a fejem a sok tervelgetéstől: mindenáron szerettem volna a gazok közül néhányat megölni, lehetőleg akkor, mikor éppen áldozataiknak esnek vadállati dühvel, hogy a szerencsétleneket megszabadíthatnám. Terveim nagyobb szabásúak voltak, mint maga az elvégzendő feladat, de ahhoz, hogy valóban elrémítsem őket vagy végezzek néhányukkal, mindenféle tervtől függetlenül, szembe kellett volna szállnom velük. De mire juthattam egymagam húsz-harminc fenevaddal szemben, akik mérges nyilaikkal vagy dárdáikkal éppolyan biztosan céloznak, mint én a puskámmal?
Bizony, még az is eszembe jutott, hogy azon a helyen, ahova ők lakmározni járnak el, gödröt ások, és néhány kilogramm lőport rejtek el, hogy amikor meggyújtják pogány tábortüzüket, hadd repüljenek mindenestül a levegőbe... Az ám, csakhogy erre a célra legalább két-három kilogramm lőpor kellene, nekem pedig összes maradék készletem kevesebb, mint egy kis hordónyi. Az is lehet, hogy fel sem robban időben, de ha mégis, talán kárt sem tenne a vadakban és még kevésbé biztos, hogy végképp elriasztja őket erről a helyről.
Az újabb tervem ez volt: Lesbe állok valami biztos helyen három kétcsövű puskámmal, három pisztolyommal, meg élesre fent kardommal. Amikor összetömörültek vérengző szertartásukhoz, közéjük lövök, úgy, hogy lövésenként legalább kettőt-hármat leterítsek - s mikor már jól megritkítottam őket, rajtuk ütök pisztollyal, karddal. Meg voltam róla győződve, hogy ha húszan lennének is, minddel végeznék. Ezzel a gondolattal néhány hétre úgy elteltem, hogy néha még álmomban is lerohantam őket.
Olyannyira komolyan vettem az elképzelésemet, hogy több napot szántam egy megfelelő leshely kiválasztására, ahonnan figyelhetem őket. Gyakran ellátogattam az ördögi ünnepségek helyszínére. De bármennyire is fűtött a bosszú és vágytam kardélre hányni közülük húszat-harmincat, a borzadály, amely a helyszínen a kannibál lakomák maradványainak láttán rám tört, elapasztotta vérszomjas kedvemet. Végül találtam egy alkalmas helyet a hegyoldalban, ahol biztonságban figyelhettem, mikor közelednek a csónakjaikon. Ezután, a partraszállásukat megelőzve, elrejtőzhettem a sűrű erdős rész egyik fájának üregében, amely teljesen eltakart. Véres ténykedésüket figyelve innen pontosan célba vehettem őket, úgy, hogy lehetetlen lett volna mellé lőnöm és hármat-négyet biztosan megsebesítek az első lövéssel.
Így akartam tehát végrehajtani a támadást, amelyhez elő is készítettem a két muskétát és a vadászfegyveremet. Előbbieket több apró és néhány nagyobb, pisztolygolyó méretű lövedékkel töltöttem meg, a vadászfegyverbe pedig a legnagyobb méretű sörétet helyeztem. A pisztolyaimat egyenként négy golyóval töltöttem meg, és minden fegyverhez vettem magam mellé tartalék muníciót. Ezzel fel is készültem a vállalkozásomra.
Most, hogy minden rendelkezésemre állt a tervem gyakorlati megvalósításához, reggelente rendszeresen látogatást tettem a sziget csúcsához közeli hegytetőn, amely a váramtól mintegy öt kilométerre volt. Figyeltem, látok-e csónakokat a partnál vagy a sziget felé közeledni. Két-három hónapig tartó éber őrködés után azonban kezdtem belefáradni a sikertelenségbe. Ez idő alatt nem csak a part közelében, de az egész óceánon - vagy ameddig csak a távcsövemmel elláttam - sem tűnt fel semmilyen jármű.
Mialatt rendszeresen eljártam a hegyre, folyton elevenen tartottam magamban a tervet, hogy végzek húsz-harminc bennszülöttel, akiknek a kegyetlensége annyira felbőszített, hogy azóta kétely sem merült fel bennem a tervem jogosságát illetően. Holott jobban belegondolva, nem puszta kedvtelésből folytatták e természetellenes gyakorlatot, hanem sokkal inkább a saját természetes ösztöneiktől hajtva. Istentől elhagyottan, évszázadokon át hódoltak ennek a pokoli hagyománynak.
Most, hogy lassan elcsigázott az eredménytelen várakozás, magáról a jelenségről alkotott véleményem is változni kezdett. Higgadtabban kezdtem mérlegelni, hogy miért is acsarkodnék én a kannibálok ellen, milyen hatalom jelölt ki, hogy végrehajtója legyek egy büntetésnek, olyan tettért, amit eddig Isten is büntetlenül hagyott. Azt nem tudhattam, mit ítél Isten erről a dologról, de kezdtem úgy érezni, hogy nem lenne jogos beleavatkoznom egy ilyen, rajtam kívül álló eseménybe. Kétségetlen, hogy ezek az emberek nem bűnként élik meg, amit elkövetnek, mint ahogy azt sem tudják, hogy tettükkel isteni igazságszolgáltatást vonnak magukra. Hiszen ők úgy ölik és falják fel az embert, ahogy a művelt európai is leöli az ürüt és megeszi a húsát. Amikor jobban belegondoltam, rájöttem, hogy ezek az emberek semmivel sem vétkesebbek, mint mondjuk azok a keresztény gyilkosok, akik gyakran kivégzik a csatában ejtett hadifoglyokat.
A következő ellenérvem a megtámadásukkal kapcsolatban az volt, hogy bármilyen kegyetlenek is egymással szemben, nekem még sosem ártottak. Ha másként történt volna, mondjuk fenyeget engem a jelenlétük, akkor lenne értelme rájuk rontanom, de mivel jelenleg nem tudtak rólam, nem is árthattak nekem. Ilyen körülmények között megtámadni őket, hasonlítana azokhoz a rémtettekhez, amiket a spanyolok vittek végbe Amerikában, kiirtva emberek millióit.
Ezen megfontolások alapján lassanként kezdtem belátni, hogy helytelen volt a bennszülöttek megtámadása mellett dönteni, mert az önvédelmen kívül erre más okom nem nagyon lehetne. De védekeznem csak akkor kell, ha felfedem magam előttük, például úgy, hogy rájuk támadok. Ilyen szempontból a támadással leginkább a magam pusztulását segíteném elő. Mindegyiküket úgysem irthatnám ki, s ha csak egyetlenegy is megszabadul közülük: bizony a nyakamra hoz egy egész törzset, és végül a kannibálok bosszújának áldozatául esem.
A végső megállapítás részemről tehát az volt, hogy nem lenne bölcs eljárás beleártanom magam ebbe az ügybe. Inkább megpróbálok továbbra is rejtve maradni, és azon igyekszem, hogy egyetlen árulkodó jellel se fedjem fel az ottlétemet. Vallásos gondolkodásom is e megfontolt következtetést támogatta, és elvetette a velem szemben vétlen emberek legyilkolását. Az egymással szemben elkövetett bűneikért majd Isten előtt kell számot adniuk. Nagy megelégedéssel vettem tudomásul, hogy már nem vágyom elkövetni azt a tettet, amely egyenlő lett volna a szándékos gyilkossággal. Térdre borulva mondtam hálát az Úrnak, amiért nem hagyta, hogy ilyen bűnbe essek, és védelmét kértem a barbárokkal szemben.
(14) Felismerésemnek megfelelően éltem a következő egy év során. Nem hozott kísértésbe semmiféle kínálkozó alkalom, hogy a kannibálokra leskelődjem. Nem kívántam, hogy kiújuljanak velük kapcsolatos gondolataim vagy a tetteik látványától újra bosszúszomjassá váljak. Az egyetlen dolgom, ami a szigetnek azon a részén maradt, hogy elhozom a ladikomat onnan, ahol addig rejtve állt és ahol esetleg a partra szálló vadaknak a szemébe ötölhetne. Ezt meg is tettem, és a sziget keleti csúcsánál rejtettem el. Volt ott a meredek sziklapartnak egy jól védett kis öble, ahova kenu az áramlatok miatt el nem juthatott. A csónakból magamhoz vettem mindazt, ami hozzá tarozott és árulkodó jel lehetett volna, így az árbocot, a vitorlát és a horgonyt, vagy helyesebben a vasat, amit horgonyként használtam.
Az eddiginél is visszahúzódóbb életet éltem, ritkán hagytam el az otthonomat és csakis olyankor, ha elengedhetetlen dolgom akadt, például meg kellett fejnem a kecskéimet vagy gondoskodnom az erdő közepén tartott kisebb nyájamról, mely a szigetnek azon az oldalán helyezkedett el, ahol semmilyen veszély nem fenyegetett. Abban biztos voltam, hogy az ideérkező vadembereknek nem áll szándékában felderíteni a szigetet, és így nem barangolnak messzire a parttól. Meggyőződésem volt az is, hogy mióta tudomást szereztem a látogatásaikról, szintén számos alkalommal jöttek el ide, és még utólag is rémület fogott el, ha arra gondoltam, mi lett volna a sorsom, ha akkor futok a karjaikba, amikor még egyetlen apró sörétes fegyveremmel gyanútlanul jártam a vidéket, igyekezvén feltárni annak rejtett adottságait. Mekkora meglepetésben lett volna részem, ha egyetlen emberi lábnyom helyett tizenöt-húsz fürge lábú bennszülöttel találom szemben magam, akik elől hiába is próbálok menekülni.
Miközben azon töprengtem, mit is tehettem volna akkoriban ellenük, néha a mély csüggedtség állapotába kerültem, annak ellenére is, hogy tudtam, mostanra már sokkal felkészültebb vagyok a korábbiaknál. Ezeknek a melankólia jellemezte időszakoknak azonban mindig a gondviselés iránti hálaérzet gondolata vetett végett. Hiszen ezáltal olyan veszedelmek elől szabadulhattam meg, amelyeket egyedül megoldani nem lett volna erőm és amelyek létezéséről fogalmam sem volt.
Ez a fajta emelkedettebb szemléletmód nem volt idegen tőlem, azóta lett sajátom, mióta a mennybéliek kegyelmét először felismertem. Csodálatos, hogy néha úgy menekülünk meg az élet veszélyei elől, hogy közben nem is sejtjük, miszerint ki voltunk téve nekik. Válaszúton, időnként akár szándékunk és kötelességünk ellenére is, inkább egy furcsa, ismeretlen eredetű sugallatnak engedelmeskedünk, és csak később derül ki, hogy ha nem így tettünk volna, a vesztünkbe rohanunk. Ezek a megtapasztalások sarkalltak arra, hogy ha bármikor is hasonló megmagyarázhatatlan késztetést éreztem, mindig engedelmeskedtem ennek. Életem során számos alkalommal sikert hozott ez a szemlélet, de különösen a szigeten töltött magányos éveim során látszott beigazolódni. Bölcsességre szert tenni sosem késő, ezért tanácsolom mindenkinek, aki felelős életet él, amelyet rendkívüli események tarkítanak, hogy hagyja magát e láthatatlan tudás által vezérelni.
Természetes dolog, hogy az állandó veszély közepette óvatosságom még inkább fokozódott. Nem törtem magam, hogy természet adta találékonyságomat újabb kényelmi célok szolgálatába állítsam. Most még a táplálékomnál is komolyabban foglalkoztatott a biztonságom. Ha csak egy-egy fát kellett is levágnom, előbb körülnéztem s a fejszecsapás zajára megriadtam a gondolattól, vajon nem hallja-e valaki más. Még a szögek beverése miatt is aggódtam. A fegyveremet semmi szín alatt nem sütöttem volna el, és még ennél is óvatosabb voltam a tűzgyújtást illetően, mert a füst messziről elárulhatott. Felkerestem a legsűrűbb erdőt, s ott égettem a konyhámra szükséges szenet új lakrészem közelében, amelyre véletlenül tettem szert.
Amint egy nap gallyakat tördeltem a sziklák tövében, egy vastag törzsű fa tövénél, nagy meglepetésemre egy barlang szájára bukkantam. Olyan sötét és mély volt, hogy alighanem egyetlen vadember sem merészkedett volna be oda, csak olyasvalaki, aki biztonságos, nyugalmas helyre vágyik, mint én. A bejárat kissé szűk volt, de kíváncsi természetem számára ez nem jelenthetett akadályt. Odabent nagy térre bukkantam, a barlang magassága talán kétszer meghaladta az én testmagasságomat. Bevallom azonban, nem töltöttem túl sok időt a szemrevételezésével. Egyszer csak a vaksötétből egy villogó szempár szegeződött rám. Nem tudtam, hogy emberé vagy ördögé lehet-e. Kihátráltam a barlangból. Odakint kis idő elteltével dorgálni kezdtem magam. Aki képes húsz évig egyedül elélni egy szigeten, gondoltam, az miért ijedne meg akár az ördögtől is? Aligha lehet a barlangban bármi, ami külsőre nálam rémisztőbb lenne.
A kezembe vettem egy parázsló ágat, és visszatértem a barlang belsejébe. De alig léptem odabenn hármat, amikor újra rémülten kellett megállnom, mert kínos nyöszörgő hang hallatszott bentről, mintha egy ember vívódna nagy betegségben. Aztán még egyszer ugyanaz. A homlokom verejtékezni kezdett, és ha lett volna rajtam fejfedő, a hajszálaim most biztosan megemelik azt. De biztatni kezdtem magam, hogy Isten mindenütt jelen van és megvéd, ha szükségem lesz rá, majd fáklyámat megcsóválva előbbre léptem. A parázsló ág fényénél megpillantottam egy ijesztő méretű vad bakkecskét, a legnagyobbat, amit eddig a szigeten láttam. Az öreg állat a végkimerüléssel küzdött és élete utolsó perceit élte.
Megérintettem a lábammal, mert gondoltam, megpróbálom kivezetni, de az állatnak nem volt immár jártányi ereje sem. Belenyugodtam hát, hogy holtában is ott fog maradni. Ha engem megijesztett, legalább a betolakodó vadembereket is elrémisztheti. Most, hogy a meglepetésem elmúlt, körülnézegettem a barlangban. Nem volt annak a legalább négy méter hosszú sziklaüregnek semmi formája. A túlsó végén egy szűk járat vezetett tovább, nem tudni, hová. Csak négykézláb kúszhattam volna be oda, és mivel a nálam lévő fahasáb már alig parázslott, úgy döntöttem, elhalasztom az újabb kalandot. Úgy terveztem, másnap jobban felszerelkezve megint eljövök.
Így is történt. A magam készítette tűzszerszámmal és hat nagy gyertyával tértem vissza a helyszínre. A gyújtószerszámot régi puskalakatból módoltam ki, a gyertyákat pedig kecskezsírból készítettem, és kötélmaradékokat használtam gyertyabélnek. Odabenn a szűk járatnál térdre ereszkedtem, és négykézláb kúsztam több mint három méteren át. Közben eszembe jutott, hogy elég vakmerő vállalkozásba fogtam, mert nem tudhattam, milyen messzire vezet ez a járat, és mi vár rám azon túl. De hirtelen egy jókora barlangba értem, melynek a magassága úgy hét méter lehetett. A legszebb látvány tárult elém, amiben eddig a szigeten részem volt. A barlang falai és boltozata szikrázva verték vissza gyertyám fényét, mintha csupa aranyból és drágakőből lettek volna, hogy valójában mi volt ez, nem tudtam.
A barlang teljesen sötét volt ugyan, mégis kellemesebb hely, mint amire számíthattam. A padlózatát fövenyszőnyeg borította, mely száraz volt és egyenletes. Mérges csúszómászóknak nyoma sem volt benne, és a falai vagy a mennyezete sem volt nedves. A bejárati nyílás kissé kényelmetlen ugyan, de biztonság szempontjából annál jobb. Nagyon örültem a felfedezésemnek. Már tudtam is, hogy mire használom fel: kincseskamrám lesz ez a barlang, ide hordom ingóságom minden tartalék eszközét. Két vadászpuskát a háromból, és a nyolc muskétám közül is hármat, a maradék öt otthon, erődöm lőréseinél állt ellenséges támadás esetére tüzelésre készen.
Összes lőporkészletemet is ide szállítottam át. Úgy esett, hogy hosszú évek múltán kinyitottam azt a puskaporos hordót, amely átázott a tengerben, és meg kellett állapítanom, hogy a víz csak a hordó falaihoz közel lévő lőport járta át öt-tíz centiméter vastagon. Ez megkeményedett, és így belül épen őrizte meg a por nagy részét. Örömteli felfedezés volt ez a számomra, hiszen a hordó közepén úgy harminc kilogramm ép lőporra leltem. A barlang felfedezése után, biztonsági okokból, otthon sosem tartottam egy-másfél kilónál több puskaport. De a barlangba szállítottam át a golyókészítésre alkalmas maradék ólmomat is.
Kedvem szottyant magamat olyan fajta óriásnak tartani, kik barlangokban tanyáztak s kikről hősi mondák jártak hajdanában szájról szájra. Meggyőződésem volt, hogy most már, ha ötszáz bennszülött hajszolna is, akkor sem bukkanhatnának rám. Vagy ha mégis, képtelenek lennének hatékony támadást indítani ellenem.
A Cave Retreat
While this was doing, I was not altogether careless of my other affairs; for I had a great concern upon me for my little herd of goats: they were not only a ready supply to me on every occasion, and began to be sufficient for me, without the expense of powder and shot, but also without the fatigue of hunting after the wild ones; and I was loath to lose the advantage of them, and to have them all to nurse up over again.
For this purpose, after long consideration, I could think of but two ways to preserve them: one was, to find another convenient place to dig a cave underground, and to drive them into it every night; and the other was to enclose two or three little bits of land, remote from one another, and as much concealed as I could, where I might keep about half-a-dozen young goats in each place; so that if any disaster happened to the flock in general, I might be able to raise them again with little trouble and time: and this though it would require a good deal of time and labour, I thought was the most rational design.
Accordingly, I spent some time to find out the most retired parts of the island; and I pitched upon one, which was as private, indeed, as my heart could wish: it was a little damp piece of ground in the middle of the hollow and thick woods, where, as is observed, I almost lost myself once before, endeavouring to come back that way from the eastern part of the island. Here I found a clear piece of land, near three acres, so surrounded with woods that it was almost an enclosure by nature; at least, it did not want near so much labour to make it so as the other piece of ground I had worked so hard at.
[13] I immediately went to work with this piece of ground; and in less than a month’s time I had so fenced it round that my flock, or herd, call it which you please, which were not so wild now as at first they might be supposed to be, were well enough secured in it: so, without any further delay, I removed ten young she-goats and two he-goats to this piece, and when they were there I continued to perfect the fence till I had made it as secure as the other; which, however, I did at more leisure, and it took me up more time by a great deal. All this labour I was at the expense of, purely from my apprehensions on account of the print of a man’s foot; for as yet I had never seen any human creature come near the island; and I had now lived two years under this uneasiness, which, indeed, made my life much less comfortable than it was before, as may be well imagined by any who know what it is to live in the constant snare of the fear of man. And this I must observe, with grief, too, that the discomposure of my mind had great impression also upon the religious part of my thoughts; for the dread and terror of falling into the hands of savages and cannibals lay so upon my spirits, that I seldom found myself in a due temper for application to my Maker; at least, not with the sedate calmness and resignation of soul which I was wont to do: I rather prayed to God as under great affliction and pressure of mind, surrounded with danger, and in expectation every night of being murdered and devoured before morning; and I must testify, from my experience, that a temper of peace, thankfulness, love, and affection, is much the more proper frame for prayer than that of terror and discomposure: and that under the dread of mischief impending, a man is no more fit for a comforting performance of the duty of praying to God than he is for a repentance on a sick-bed; for these discomposures affect the mind, as the others do the body; and the discomposure of the mind must necessarily be as great a disability as that of the body, and much greater; praying to God being properly an act of the mind, not of the body.
But to go on. After I had thus secured one part of my little living stock, I went about the whole island, searching for another private place to make such another deposit; when, wandering more to the west point of the island than I had ever done yet, and looking out to sea, I thought I saw a boat upon the sea, at a great distance. I had found a perspective glass or two in one of the seamen’s chests, which I saved out of our ship, but I had it not about me; and this was so remote that I could not tell what to make of it, though I looked at it till my eyes were not able to hold to look any longer; whether it was a boat or not I do not know, but as I descended from the hill I could see no more of it, so I gave it over; only I resolved to go no more out without a perspective glass in my pocket. When I was come down the hill to the end of the island, where, indeed, I had never been before, I was presently convinced that the seeing the print of a man’s foot was not such a strange thing in the island as I imagined: and but that it was a special providence that I was cast upon the side of the island where the savages never came, I should easily have known that nothing was more frequent than for the canoes from the main, when they happened to be a little too far out at sea, to shoot over to that side of the island for harbour: likewise, as they often met and fought in their canoes, the victors, having taken any prisoners, would bring them over to this shore, where, according to their dreadful customs, being all cannibals, they would kill and eat them; of which hereafter.
When I was come down the hill to the shore, as I said above, being the SW. point of the island, I was perfectly confounded and amazed; nor is it possible for me to express the horror of my mind at seeing the shore spread with skulls, hands, feet, and other bones of human bodies; and particularly I observed a place where there had been a fire made, and a circle dug in the earth, like a cockpit, where I supposed the savage wretches had sat down to their human feastings upon the bodies of their fellow-creatures.
I was so astonished with the sight of these things, that I entertained no notions of any danger to myself from it for a long while: all my apprehensions were buried in the thoughts of such a pitch of inhuman, hellish brutality, and the horror of the degeneracy of human nature, which, though I had heard of it often, yet I never had so near a view of before; in short, I turned away my face from the horrid spectacle; my stomach grew sick, and I was just at the point of fainting, when nature discharged the disorder from my stomach; and having vomited with uncommon violence, I was a little relieved, but could not bear to stay in the place a moment; so I got up the hill again with all the speed I could, and walked on towards my own habitation.
When I came a little out of that part of the island I stood still awhile, as amazed, and then, recovering myself, I looked up with the utmost affection of my soul, and, with a flood of tears in my eyes, gave God thanks, that had cast my first lot in a part of the world where I was distinguished from such dreadful creatures as these; and that, though I had esteemed my present condition very miserable, had yet given me so many comforts in it that I had still more to give thanks for than to complain of: and this, above all, that I had, even in this miserable condition, been comforted with the knowledge of Himself, and the hope of His blessing: which was a felicity more than sufficiently equivalent to all the misery which I had suffered, or could suffer.
In this frame of thankfulness I went home to my castle, and began to be much easier now, as to the safety of my circumstances, than ever I was before: for I observed that these wretches never came to this island in search of what they could get; perhaps not seeking, not wanting, or not expecting anything here; and having often, no doubt, been up the covered, woody part of it without finding anything to their purpose. I knew I had been here now almost eighteen years, and never saw the least footsteps of human creature there before; and I might be eighteen years more as entirely concealed as I was now, if I did not discover myself to them, which I had no manner of occasion to do; it being my only business to keep myself entirely concealed where I was, unless I found a better sort of creatures than cannibals to make myself known to. Yet I entertained such an abhorrence of the savage wretches that I have been speaking of, and of the wretched, inhuman custom of their devouring and eating one another up, that I continued pensive and sad, and kept close within my own circle for almost two years after this: when I say my own circle, I mean by it my three plantations—viz. my castle, my country seat (which I called my bower), and my enclosure in the woods: nor did I look after this for any other use than an enclosure for my goats; for the aversion which nature gave me to these hellish wretches was such, that I was as fearful of seeing them as of seeing the devil himself. I did not so much as go to look after my boat all this time, but began rather to think of making another; for I could not think of ever making any more attempts to bring the other boat round the island to me, lest I should meet with some of these creatures at sea; in which case, if I had happened to have fallen into their hands, I knew what would have been my lot.
Time, however, and the satisfaction I had that I was in no danger of being discovered by these people, began to wear off my uneasiness about them; and I began to live just in the same composed manner as before, only with this difference, that I used more caution, and kept my eyes more about me than I did before, lest I should happen to be seen by any of them; and particularly, I was more cautious of firing my gun, lest any of them, being on the island, should happen to hear it. It was, therefore, a very good providence to me that I had furnished myself with a tame breed of goats, and that I had no need to hunt any more about the woods, or shoot at them; and if I did catch any of them after this, it was by traps and snares, as I had done before; so that for two years after this I believe I never fired my gun once off, though I never went out without it; and what was more, as I had saved three pistols out of the ship, I always carried them out with me, or at least two of them, sticking them in my goat-skin belt. I also furbished up one of the great cutlasses that I had out of the ship, and made me a belt to hang it on also; so that I was now a most formidable fellow to look at when I went abroad, if you add to the former description of myself the particular of two pistols, and a broadsword hanging at my side in a belt, but without a scabbard.
Things going on thus, as I have said, for some time, I seemed, excepting these cautions, to be reduced to my former calm, sedate way of living. All these things tended to show me more and more how far my condition was from being miserable, compared to some others; nay, to many other particulars of life which it might have pleased God to have made my lot. It put me upon reflecting how little repining there would be among mankind at any condition of life if people would rather compare their condition with those that were worse, in order to be thankful, than be always comparing them with those which are better, to assist their murmurings and complainings.
As in my present condition there were not really many things which I wanted, so indeed I thought that the frights I had been in about these savage wretches, and the concern I had been in for my own preservation, had taken off the edge of my invention, for my own conveniences; and I had dropped a good design, which I had once bent my thoughts upon, and that was to try if I could not make some of my barley into malt, and then try to brew myself some beer. This was really a whimsical thought, and I reproved myself often for the simplicity of it: for I presently saw there would be the want of several things necessary to the making my beer that it would be impossible for me to supply; as, first, casks to preserve it in, which was a thing that, as I have observed already, I could never compass: no, though I spent not only many days, but weeks, nay months, in attempting it, but to no purpose. In the next place, I had no hops to make it keep, no yeast to make it work, no copper or kettle to make it boil; and yet with all these things wanting, I verily believe, had not the frights and terrors I was in about the savages intervened, I had undertaken it, and perhaps brought it to pass too; for I seldom gave anything over without accomplishing it, when once I had it in my head to began it. But my invention now ran quite another way; for night and day I could think of nothing but how I might destroy some of the monsters in their cruel, bloody entertainment, and if possible save the victim they should bring hither to destroy. It would take up a larger volume than this whole work is intended to be to set down all the contrivances I hatched, or rather brooded upon, in my thoughts, for the destroying these creatures, or at least frightening them so as to prevent their coming hither any more: but all this was abortive; nothing could be possible to take effect, unless I was to be there to do it myself: and what could one man do among them, when perhaps there might be twenty or thirty of them together with their darts, or their bows and arrows, with which they could shoot as true to a mark as I could with my gun?
Sometimes I thought if digging a hole under the place where they made their fire, and putting in five or six pounds of gunpowder, which, when they kindled their fire, would consequently take fire, and blow up all that was near it: but as, in the first place, I should be unwilling to waste so much powder upon them, my store being now within the quantity of one barrel, so neither could I be sure of its going off at any certain time, when it might surprise them; and, at best, that it would do little more than just blow the fire about their ears and fright them, but not sufficient to make them forsake the place: so I laid it aside; and then proposed that I would place myself in ambush in some convenient place, with my three guns all double-loaded, and in the middle of their bloody ceremony let fly at them, when I should be sure to kill or wound perhaps two or three at every shot; and then falling in upon them with my three pistols and my sword, I made no doubt but that, if there were twenty, I should kill them all. This fancy pleased my thoughts for some weeks, and I was so full of it that I often dreamed of it, and, sometimes, that I was just going to let fly at them in my sleep. I went so far with it in my imagination that I employed myself several days to find out proper places to put myself in ambuscade, as I said, to watch for them, and I went frequently to the place itself, which was now grown more familiar to me; but while my mind was thus filled with thoughts of revenge and a bloody putting twenty or thirty of them to the sword, as I may call it, the horror I had at the place, and at the signals of the barbarous wretches devouring one another, abetted my malice. Well, at length I found a place in the side of the hill where I was satisfied I might securely wait till I saw any of their boats coming; and might then, even before they would be ready to come on shore, convey myself unseen into some thickets of trees, in one of which there was a hollow large enough to conceal me entirely; and there I might sit and observe all their bloody doings, and take my full aim at their heads, when they were so close together as that it would be next to impossible that I should miss my shot, or that I could fail wounding three or four of them at the first shot. In this place, then, I resolved to fulfil my design; and accordingly I prepared two muskets and my ordinary fowling-piece. The two muskets I loaded with a brace of slugs each, and four or five smaller bullets, about the size of pistol bullets; and the fowling-piece I loaded with near a handful of swan-shot of the largest size; I also loaded my pistols with about four bullets each; and, in this posture, well provided with ammunition for a second and third charge, I prepared myself for my expedition.
After I had thus laid the scheme of my design, and in my imagination put it in practice, I continually made my tour every morning to the top of the hill, which was from my castle, as I called it, about three miles or more, to see if I could observe any boats upon the sea, coming near the island, or standing over towards it; but I began to tire of this hard duty, after I had for two or three months constantly kept my watch, but came always back without any discovery; there having not, in all that time, been the least appearance, not only on or near the shore, but on the whole ocean, so far as my eye or glass could reach every way.
As long as I kept my daily tour to the hill, to look out, so long also I kept up the vigour of my design, and my spirits seemed to be all the while in a suitable frame for so outrageous an execution as the killing twenty or thirty naked savages, for an offence which I had not at all entered into any discussion of in my thoughts, any farther than my passions were at first fired by the horror I conceived at the unnatural custom of the people of that country, who, it seems, had been suffered by Providence, in His wise disposition of the world, to have no other guide than that of their own abominable and vitiated passions; and consequently were left, and perhaps had been so for some ages, to act such horrid things, and receive such dreadful customs, as nothing but nature, entirely abandoned by Heaven, and actuated by some hellish degeneracy, could have run them into. But now, when, as I have said, I began to be weary of the fruitless excursion which I had made so long and so far every morning in vain, so my opinion of the action itself began to alter; and I began, with cooler and calmer thoughts, to consider what I was going to engage in; what authority or call I had to pretend to be judge and executioner upon these men as criminals, whom Heaven had thought fit for so many ages to suffer unpunished to go on, and to be as it were the executioners of His judgments one upon another; how far these people were offenders against me, and what right I had to engage in the quarrel of that blood which they shed promiscuously upon one another. I debated this very often with myself thus: “How do I know what God Himself judges in this particular case? It is certain these people do not commit this as a crime; it is not against their own consciences reproving, or their light reproaching them; they do not know it to be an offence, and then commit it in defiance of divine justice, as we do in almost all the sins we commit. They think it no more a crime to kill a captive taken in war than we do to kill an ox; or to eat human flesh than we do to eat mutton.”
When I considered this a little, it followed necessarily that I was certainly in the wrong; that these people were not murderers, in the sense that I had before condemned them in my thoughts, any more than those Christians were murderers who often put to death the prisoners taken in battle; or more frequently, upon many occasions, put whole troops of men to the sword, without giving quarter, though they threw down their arms and submitted. In the next place, it occurred to me that although the usage they gave one another was thus brutish and inhuman, yet it was really nothing to me: these people had done me no injury: that if they attempted, or I saw it necessary, for my immediate preservation, to fall upon them, something might be said for it: but that I was yet out of their power, and they really had no knowledge of me, and consequently no design upon me; and therefore it could not be just for me to fall upon them; that this would justify the conduct of the Spaniards in all their barbarities practised in America, where they destroyed millions of these people; who, however they were idolators and barbarians, and had several bloody and barbarous rites in their customs, such as sacrificing human bodies to their idols, were yet, as to the Spaniards, very innocent people; and that the rooting them out of the country is spoken of with the utmost abhorrence and detestation by even the Spaniards themselves at this time, and by all other Christian nations of Europe, as a mere butchery, a bloody and unnatural piece of cruelty, unjustifiable either to God or man; and for which the very name of a Spaniard is reckoned to be frightful and terrible, to all people of humanity or of Christian compassion; as if the kingdom of Spain were particularly eminent for the produce of a race of men who were without principles of tenderness, or the common bowels of pity to the miserable, which is reckoned to be a mark of generous temper in the mind.
These considerations really put me to a pause, and to a kind of a full stop; and I began by little and little to be off my design, and to conclude I had taken wrong measures in my resolution to attack the savages; and that it was not my business to meddle with them, unless they first attacked me; and this it was my business, if possible, to prevent: but that, if I were discovered and attacked by them, I knew my duty. On the other hand, I argued with myself that this really was the way not to deliver myself, but entirely to ruin and destroy myself; for unless I was sure to kill every one that not only should be on shore at that time, but that should ever come on shore afterwards, if but one of them escaped to tell their country-people what had happened, they would come over again by thousands to revenge the death of their fellows, and I should only bring upon myself a certain destruction, which, at present, I had no manner of occasion for. Upon the whole, I concluded that I ought, neither in principle nor in policy, one way or other, to concern myself in this affair: that my business was, by all possible means to conceal myself from them, and not to leave the least sign for them to guess by that there were any living creatures upon the island—I mean of human shape. Religion joined in with this prudential resolution; and I was convinced now, many ways, that I was perfectly out of my duty when I was laying all my bloody schemes for the destruction of innocent creatures—I mean innocent as to me. As to the crimes they were guilty of towards one another, I had nothing to do with them; they were national, and I ought to leave them to the justice of God, who is the Governor of nations, and knows how, by national punishments, to make a just retribution for national offences, and to bring public judgments upon those who offend in a public manner, by such ways as best please Him. This appeared so clear to me now, that nothing was a greater satisfaction to me than that I had not been suffered to do a thing which I now saw so much reason to believe would have been no less a sin than that of wilful murder if I had committed it; and I gave most humble thanks on my knees to God, that He had thus delivered me from blood-guiltiness; beseeching Him to grant me the protection of His providence, that I might not fall into the hands of the barbarians, or that I might not lay my hands upon them, unless I had a more clear call from Heaven to do it, in defence of my own life.
In this disposition I continued for near a year after this; and so far was I from desiring an occasion for falling upon these wretches, that in all that time I never once went up the hill to see whether there were any of them in sight, or to know whether any of them had been on shore there or not, that I might not be tempted to renew any of my contrivances against them, or be provoked by any advantage that might present itself to fall upon them; only this I did: I went and removed my boat, which I had on the other side of the island, and carried it down to the east end of the whole island, where I ran it into a little cove, which I found under some high rocks, and where I knew, by reason of the currents, the savages durst not, at least would not, come with their boats upon any account whatever. With my boat I carried away everything that I had left there belonging to her, though not necessary for the bare going thither—viz. a mast and sail which I had made for her, and a thing like an anchor, but which, indeed, could not be called either anchor or grapnel; however, it was the best I could make of its kind: all these I removed, that there might not be the least shadow for discovery, or appearance of any boat, or of any human habitation upon the island. Besides this, I kept myself, as I said, more retired than ever, and seldom went from my cell except upon my constant employment, to milk my she-goats, and manage my little flock in the wood, which, as it was quite on the other part of the island, was out of danger; for certain, it is that these savage people, who sometimes haunted this island, never came with any thoughts of finding anything here, and consequently never wandered off from the coast, and I doubt not but they might have been several times on shore after my apprehensions of them had made me cautious, as well as before. Indeed, I looked back with some horror upon the thoughts of what my condition would have been if I had chopped upon them and been discovered before that; when, naked and unarmed, except with one gun, and that loaded often only with small shot, I walked everywhere, peeping and peering about the island, to see what I could get; what a surprise should I have been in if, when I discovered the print of a man’s foot, I had, instead of that, seen fifteen or twenty savages, and found them pursuing me, and by the swiftness of their running no possibility of my escaping them! The thoughts of this sometimes sank my very soul within me, and distressed my mind so much that I could not soon recover it, to think what I should have done, and how I should not only have been unable to resist them, but even should not have had presence of mind enough to do what I might have done; much less what now, after so much consideration and preparation, I might be able to do. Indeed, after serious thinking of these things, I would be melancholy, and sometimes it would last a great while; but I resolved it all at last into thankfulness to that Providence which had delivered me from so many unseen dangers, and had kept me from those mischiefs which I could have no way been the agent in delivering myself from, because I had not the least notion of any such thing depending, or the least supposition of its being possible. This renewed a contemplation which often had come into my thoughts in former times, when first I began to see the merciful dispositions of Heaven, in the dangers we run through in this life; how wonderfully we are delivered when we know nothing of it; how, when we are in a quandary as we call it, a doubt or hesitation whether to go this way or that way, a secret hint shall direct us this way, when we intended to go that way: nay, when sense, our own inclination, and perhaps business has called us to go the other way, yet a strange impression upon the mind, from we know not what springs, and by we know not what power, shall overrule us to go this way; and it shall afterwards appear that had we gone that way, which we should have gone, and even to our imagination ought to have gone, we should have been ruined and lost. Upon these and many like reflections I afterwards made it a certain rule with me, that whenever I found those secret hints or pressings of mind to doing or not doing anything that presented, or going this way or that way, I never failed to obey the secret dictate; though I knew no other reason for it than such a pressure or such a hint hung upon my mind. I could give many examples of the success of this conduct in the course of my life, but more especially in the latter part of my inhabiting this unhappy island; besides many occasions which it is very likely I might have taken notice of, if I had seen with the same eyes then that I see with now. But it is never too late to be wise; and I cannot but advise all considering men, whose lives are attended with such extraordinary incidents as mine, or even though not so extraordinary, not to slight such secret intimations of Providence, let them come from what invisible intelligence they will. That I shall not discuss, and perhaps cannot account for; but certainly they are a proof of the converse of spirits, and a secret communication between those embodied and those unembodied, and such a proof as can never be withstood; of which I shall have occasion to give some remarkable instances in the remainder of my solitary residence in this dismal place.
I believe the reader of this will not think it strange if I confess that these anxieties, these constant dangers I lived in, and the concern that was now upon me, put an end to all invention, and to all the contrivances that I had laid for my future accommodations and conveniences. I had the care of my safety more now upon my hands than that of my food. I cared not to drive a nail, or chop a stick of wood now, for fear the noise I might make should be heard: much less would I fire a gun for the same reason: and above all I was intolerably uneasy at making any fire, lest the smoke, which is visible at a great distance in the day, should betray me. For this reason, I removed that part of my business which required fire, such as burning of pots and pipes, &c., into my new apartment in the woods; where, after I had been some time, I found, to my unspeakable consolation, a mere natural cave in the earth, which went in a vast way, and where, I daresay, no savage, had he been at the mouth of it, would be so hardy as to venture in; nor, indeed, would any man else, but one who, like me, wanted nothing so much as a safe retreat.
The mouth of this hollow was at the bottom of a great rock, where, by mere accident (I would say, if I did not see abundant reason to ascribe all such things now to Providence), I was cutting down some thick branches of trees to make charcoal; and before I go on I must observe the reason of my making this charcoal, which was this—I was afraid of making a smoke about my habitation, as I said before; and yet I could not live there without baking my bread, cooking my meat, &c.; so I contrived to burn some wood here, as I had seen done in England, under turf, till it became chark or dry coal: and then putting the fire out, I preserved the coal to carry home, and perform the other services for which fire was wanting, without danger of smoke. But this is by-the-bye. While I was cutting down some wood here, I perceived that, behind a very thick branch of low brushwood or underwood, there was a kind of hollow place: I was curious to look in it; and getting with difficulty into the mouth of it, I found it was pretty large, that is to say, sufficient for me to stand upright in it, and perhaps another with me: but I must confess to you that I made more haste out than I did in, when looking farther into the place, and which was perfectly dark, I saw two broad shining eyes of some creature, whether devil or man I knew not, which twinkled like two stars; the dim light from the cave’s mouth shining directly in, and making the reflection. However, after some pause I recovered myself, and began to call myself a thousand fools, and to think that he that was afraid to see the devil was not fit to live twenty years in an island all alone; and that I might well think there was nothing in this cave that was more frightful than myself. Upon this, plucking up my courage, I took up a firebrand, and in I rushed again, with the stick flaming in my hand: I had not gone three steps in before I was almost as frightened as before; for I heard a very loud sigh, like that of a man in some pain, and it was followed by a broken noise, as of words half expressed, and then a deep sigh again. I stepped back, and was indeed struck with such a surprise that it put me into a cold sweat, and if I had had a hat on my head, I will not answer for it that my hair might not have lifted it off. But still plucking up my spirits as well as I could, and encouraging myself a little with considering that the power and presence of God was everywhere, and was able to protect me, I stepped forward again, and by the light of the firebrand, holding it up a little over my head, I saw lying on the ground a monstrous, frightful old he-goat, just making his will, as we say, and gasping for life, and, dying, indeed, of mere old age. I stirred him a little to see if I could get him out, and he essayed to get up, but was not able to raise himself; and I thought with myself he might even lie there—for if he had frightened me, so he would certainly fright any of the savages, if any of them should be so hardy as to come in there while he had any life in him.
I was now recovered from my surprise, and began to look round me, when I found the cave was but very small—that is to say, it might be about twelve feet over, but in no manner of shape, neither round nor square, no hands having ever been employed in making it but those of mere Nature. I observed also that there was a place at the farther side of it that went in further, but was so low that it required me to creep upon my hands and knees to go into it, and whither it went I knew not; so, having no candle, I gave it over for that time, but resolved to go again the next day provided with candles and a tinder-box, which I had made of the lock of one of the muskets, with some wildfire in the pan.
Accordingly, the next day I came provided with six large candles of my own making (for I made very good candles now of goat’s tallow, but was hard set for candle-wick, using sometimes rags or rope-yarn, and sometimes the dried rind of a weed like nettles); and going into this low place I was obliged to creep upon all-fours as I have said, almost ten yards—which, by the way, I thought was a venture bold enough, considering that I knew not how far it might go, nor what was beyond it. When I had got through the strait, I found the roof rose higher up, I believe near twenty feet; but never was such a glorious sight seen in the island, I daresay, as it was to look round the sides and roof of this vault or cave—the wall reflected a hundred thousand lights to me from my two candles. What it was in the rock—whether diamonds or any other precious stones, or gold which I rather supposed it to be—I knew not. The place I was in was a most delightful cavity, or grotto, though perfectly dark; the floor was dry and level, and had a sort of a small loose gravel upon it, so that there was no nauseous or venomous creature to be seen, neither was there any damp or wet on the sides or roof. The only difficulty in it was the entrance—which, however, as it was a place of security, and such a retreat as I wanted; I thought was a convenience; so that I was really rejoiced at the discovery, and resolved, without any delay, to bring some of those things which I was most anxious about to this place: particularly, I resolved to bring hither my magazine of powder, and all my spare arms—viz. two fowling-pieces—for I had three in all—and three muskets—for of them I had eight in all; so I kept in my castle only five, which stood ready mounted like pieces of cannon on my outmost fence, and were ready also to take out upon any expedition. Upon this occasion of removing my ammunition I happened to open the barrel of powder which I took up out of the sea, and which had been wet, and I found that the water had penetrated about three or four inches into the powder on every side, which caking and growing hard, had preserved the inside like a kernel in the shell, so that I had near sixty pounds of very good powder in the centre of the cask. This was a very agreeable discovery to me at that time; so I carried all away thither, never keeping above two or three pounds of powder with me in my castle, for fear of a surprise of any kind; I also carried thither all the lead I had left for bullets.
I fancied myself now like one of the ancient giants who were said to live in caves and holes in the rocks, where none could come at them; for I persuaded myself, while I was here, that if five hundred savages were to hunt me, they could never find me out—or if they did, they would not venture to attack me here. The old goat whom I found expiring died in the mouth of the cave the next day after I made this discovery; and I found it much easier to dig a great hole there, and throw him in and cover him with earth, than to drag him out; so I interred him there, to prevent offence to my nose.