Customer - Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter - Shush sir, or they'll all want one.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter - Looks like the breast-stroke to me, sir.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! There's a dead fly in my soup.
Waiter - What do you expect for £1 - a live one?
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! There's a dead fly in my soup!
Waiter - Yes, sir, it's the hot water that kills them.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! There's a flea in my soup!
Waiter - Don't worry sir, I'll tell him to hop it.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! There's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter - Yes sir, they're not very good swimmers.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! What's this in my soup?
Waiter - I'm not sure, sir, I can't tell one bug from another.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! My plate's wet!
Waiter - It's not wet, sir - that's the soup!
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! Send the chef here. I wish to complain about this disgusting meal.
Waiter - I'm afraid you'll have to wait, sir. He just popped out for dinner.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! Do you call this a three-course meal?
Waiter - That's right, sir. Two chips and a pea.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! This soup tastes funny.
Waiter - So why aren't you laughing?Waiter -
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! There's a bird in my soup.
Waiter - That's right, sir. It's bird's nest soup.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!
Waiter - I'm not surprised, sir, it was ground only a few minutes ago.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! This coffee tastes like soap.
Waiter - Then that must be tea, sir. The coffee tastes like glue.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! This coffee is way too strong!
Waiter - Don't complain, sir. You may be old and weak yourself one day.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! Your tie is in my soup!
Waiter - That's all right, sir, it's washable.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! Your thumb's in my soup!
Waiter - Waiter - That's all right, sir, it's not hot.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! Do you serve crabs?
Waiter - Yes sir, take a seat. We'll serve anyone.
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! Have you got asparagus?
Waiter - We don't serve sparrows and my name is not Gus!
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Customer - Waiter! Waiter! There's a twig in my soup.
Waiter - Yes, sir, we've got branches everywhere.