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Life_in_a_hive_1

Living in a hive-city can be either awful, or awesome (if you're the type that enjoys having several thousand people in your vicinity 24/7). As one might have guessed, I'm not one of the latter category, so if you're feeling down or generally miserable, this series is here to show you the many exquisite ways it can get much worse. Disclaimer: this is not meant to promote depression, rather counter it (in a kinda sick, hiver-mentality way).

On the topic of mentality, living in a place that way too many people call home comes with a variety of side effects. One of them is certainly morbidness, which shows in they name things around here. Alright, I doubt everything listed below was actually devised and named in this glorious city; but it just happens to be the capital of a country, where people not only find these names appropriate, but actually went as far as accepting them as genericized brands.

Anyway, to the point.

What would you call a type of tear gas? Mace, pepper spray, hellfire, ah-heck-its-dissolving-my-eyeballs? Nah, not around a hive you don't! "Bird cherry". I didn't quite understand what they meant by that, until I ended up living next to a whole bunch of them - hell, during bloom they stink, sting and do a variety of other nasty things to anyone even slightly allergic.

Next question - what's a good name for a whole series of mass-produced chainsaws? If "Friendship" was your answer, then why are you reading this? You're evidently from the same country as I am, or one its former territories. Go do something better with your life, you've got plenty on your plate as is.

Now on to the final grand prize question! What's an appropriate guess for handcuffs? I mean, the sturdy cold hard metal ones the police slap on delinquents, not cutesy pink things for foreplay. They're called... "Tenderness". A friendly reminder about that showed up in the news several days ago, 'cos the state declared they're out to purchase another 30 000 of them before new year. Seeing that this hive-city alone has daytime population at around 15 000 000 people, they're probably stocking up to cuff a few ornery employees.

On that, I'll cut the crap for today. That's enough for the first taste of life in a hive.