Index for Resources: click on a person or topic, or scroll downward to see the resources
Other worthwhile topics on this web site:
13.4% of surveyed parents say they are alienated from one of their children
The authors of DSM-5 say that parental alienation is in DSM-5
Sign the petition asking the APA to update it's policy on parental alienation
The American Academy of Pediatrics takes a stand against parental alienation
Attorney and Lawyer training material for parental alienation
ABC 2020 Exposes Parental Alienation, as does the BBC, 60 minutes, CNN, and Canadian TV
The attachment model of parental alienation that uses only standard and accepted/established psychology, also known as pathogenic parenting, or the trans generational transmission of attachment trauma
American Psychiatric Association Comments on Disordered Parenting
The Harms of Parental Alienation : ACES : Adverse Childhood Experiences Study
Six Peer Reviewed studies show that parental alienation is child abuse
Dr Warshak's Web Site Includes an excellent treatment program called Family Bridges
Parental Alienation Murder News (and child suicide news), where a parent murders a child instead of handing the custody over, once and for all revealing that the alienator is not primarily concerned with the best interests of the child. It is about psychological splitting, where the ex-spouse must become the ex-parent. There is also an aspect of revenge, where the alienator knows that the way to hurt their ex is by erasing their children from their lives, or as DSM-5 says, someone with BPD presents as a "righteous avenger of past mistreatment." When DNA evidence shows that a jury's unanimous decision is wrong, and all the appeal's court, the Innocence Projects looks to find systemic problems. Similarly, these cases can be used to help figure out why all the mental health professionals supported the murderer, because the killing of children shows that the alienator was only acting like an all wonderful parent:
The Karrie Neurauter Case, August 2017, where one parent threatens suicide, or gives the child a plan B choice in helping kill the other parent. The child is forced to choose which parent will live. This is reminiscent of an alienator forcing a child to choose a parent, much the same way that many judges force a child to choose.
The Laura Coward Case, March 2017: Parent kills daughter to avoid handing over for custody. And here is another article. Somehow, due to psychological splitting, the alienator believes that the ex spouse must become the ex parent.
The Cockman Murder in Australia, August 2018 Parental Alienation Related Murder of 4 Children by Grandfather
Boyd, 2018, Mamaronek, NY. Parent kills child to avoid handing child over.
Atlanta Edge case (Cobb County), 2015: Two Children Die Because Judge Ignores Parental Alienation The article says the motive for the murder was that the favored parent wanted revenge on the rejected parent. This is also described in a petition.
Dallas 2011, McCall Case: Parent Kills Child because judge awarded custody to the other parent For more information about how this is connected to parental alienation, please see the youtube video, the For the Love of Eryk web page, or the facebook page, or read the book. From the news story: "Mother Kills Child Before Turning Gun on Herself: Police say apparent murder-suicide occurred after judge awarded custody to father." As is the parent, one parent cared more about tormenting the other parent than their child. See also the father's testimony at the children's services investigative hearing. "Sole custody of our son was awarded to me, and she was stripped of her parental rights. and after that, she was allowed to go home, and she shot my son, and then shot herself. only then did CPS begin to believe that maybe she, not I, might have been the problem. I ask, no I beg, that CPS is looking to re-evaluate how they are taught." As DSM-5 says, someone with BPD presents as a "righteous avenger of past mistreatment."
Toronto Stachow case, 2016: Parent shoots child rather than hand over custody to the other parent: "A source told CTV Toronto that the mother was ordered to report to court to hand her daughter over to the girl’s father on Friday. When she did not appear in court, police went to her apartment on the fifth floor and discovered the bodies.The source also told CTV Toronto that investigators are treating the case as a murder-suicide."
Tampa 2015: In a custody battle, one parent manipulates a child into a suicide pact and attempted suicide
The Sheats case, 2016, Texas: One parent kills the children while the other parent had to watch She "had ample time" to shoot her estranged husband, but she "wanted him to suffer" watching her kill their children, Fort Bend County Sheriff Troy Nehls said at a Wednesday press conference. See also Parents Shoots Children to get revenge on other parent
Prince Edward Island, 2013: The Campbell Case: "Dr. Peter Jaffe, a professor at Western University in Ontario, says .... he does not believe it matters whether allegations or true, the high level of conflict between the parents should have been made known to Justice Gordon Campbell in June 2013 when he made the final decision on Nash’s custody. “Whether allegations are true, this is only secondary. We have profound intergenerational conflict,” Jaffe said, noting the involvement of Nash’s grandparents on both sides of the family. After looking at the case notes provided by police and courts, Jaffe found there were at least 133 incidents where something bad happened, at least 43 risk factors present and at least 20 professionals from different professional organizations involved. “It’s a murder, but it’s not a murder mystery with all these risk factors in play,” Jaffe told the jury. He believes the numerous incidents of conflict between Hennessey and Nash’s father Marc Campbell should have been made known to the judge who awarded sole custody of Nash to his father the day before Nash was killed. Hennessey made multiple allegations of abuse against Campbell in the years leading up to the tragedy. These resulted in charges that were either stayed or dropped altogether by police."
2008 Watkins Erased parent gunned down out of fear he would get custody. Alienator arrested for refusing to comply with court orders.
2017 Larsen Loyd Custodial parents guns down ex after she won some custody, then shoots self, leaving child without parents
2017 Andressian Parent kills child (allegedly) who was in a custody dispute
This TellMyDaughterILoveHer site has a list of many parental alienation murders.
2016 Kreuscher Atkinson case in Montana. "He says he warned Denver Child Protection Services that his ex-wife might harm their son. He says they ignored his pleas." "I've been telling everyone in court this was a possibility that this would happen," Kreuscher told KDVR.
2017 Lunetta
2017 Sandberg Summers "A note found near a mother who allegedly hung her 5-year-old son before killing herself spoke of domestic abuse and a legal system that allows a child to be 'ripped from his mother' .... Don't let this happen to another child and mother." The father and mother had joint custody, but the mother interfered with that custody for the last two years. This suicide note raises makes some allegations, but at the point where one murders their child, the rhetoric rings hollow and reveals a lack of empathy for the child. A lack of empathy is the hallmark of personality disorders.
1999 Texas Battaglia One parent kills kids while on phone with the other parent. The taunting by the first parent still continued while the second parent watched the state execute the first parent. Here is a second news account.
Catherine MacWillie gave many more examples at the PASG conference.
CBS documented a severe case of parental alienation in March 2019, the Neurauter case, where an alienator caused a child to get caught up in so much delusional thinking that the child murdered the erased parent. There are many sources for this, including NBC Dateline, Rochester First, CBS 48 hours.
The Pott case, 2011: Child suicides, in part, due to the alienator
Alienated Child in Canada commits suicide because the courts did nothing
Newsweek: Parental Alienation Syndrome Isn’t in the DSM Yet, but It’s in Plenty of Arguments
Alienated Child in Canada commits suicide because the courts did nothing
Alienated child alleges rejected parent cannibalized them. Since the child is still alive and has limbs intact, that is an example of a delusion, one of the three symptoms of pathogenic parenting.
A very clean example from CNN Here, the alienating parent has exactly zero ammunition to use against the rejected parent.
Child has not seen parent for 15 years After a 15 year standoff with police by the alienator and grandparent ... "Few had put more pressure on the authorities to enter the compound than Keith Tarkington, 49, the former son-in-law of Mr. Gray. A court order granted Mr. Tarkington custody of his two children, but he believes his sons and former wife have been living in the compound. He tried but failed to persuade officials to enforce the court order. His sons are now 18 and 19, and he says he believes they have been sequestered with Mr. Gray since they were infants." “The law’s letting him get away,” Mr. Tarkington said. “They always holler, ‘We don’t want no one to get hurt.’ I haven’t seen my kids in 15 years. You tell me who’s getting hurt.”
Parental Alienation Caught on Video Audio of a claimed "child apprehension" abduction which was clearly not so, but misrepresented in a deceitfully crafted three page letter
The Long-Term Effects of Parental Alienation on Adult Children: A Qualitative Research Study Article (PDF Available) in American Journal of Family Therapy 33(4):289-302 · June 2005 with 488 Reads DOI: 10.1080/01926180590962129 "A qualitative retrospective study was conducted on 38 adults who experienced parental alienation as a child. Individuals partic-ipated in one-hour semi-structured interviews. Audiotapes were transcribed verbatim, and submitted to a content analysis for pri-mary themes and patterns. Findings pertaining to the long-term effects of parental alienation were analyzed for this article. Results revealed seven major areas of impact: (1) low self-esteem, (2) de-pression, (3) drug/alcohol abuse, (4) lack of trust, (5) alienation from own children, (6) divorce, and (7) other. These seven themes are discussed at length to provide the first glimpse into the lives of adult children of parental alienation. Every year one million marriages end in divorce, resulting in more than 100,000 couples battling over the custody and visitation of their children (Turkat, 2000). Children whose parents divorce suffer emotionally and psy-chologically, especially when the divorce is contentious and the children are exposed to ongoing conflict between their parents (e.g., Amato, 1994; Johnston, 1994, Wallerstein & Blakeslee, 1996). One specific form of post-divorce conflict has been relatively overlooked in the empirical divorce literature: parental alienation, when one parent turns the child against the other parent through powerful emotional manipulation techniques designed to bind the child to them at the exclusion of the other parent (Darnall, 1998; Gardner, 1998; Wallerstein & Blakeslee, 1996; Warshak, 2001). These parents create a "cult of parenthood" and, like cult leaders, they undermine the independent thinking skills of their children and cultivate an unhealthy dependency designed to satisfy the emotional needs of the adult Address correspondence to Amy J. L."
Felony Custodial Interface These folks got many warnings, but at least somewhere in the world, the law was upheld. Some say Fairfax County Virginia enforces court orders also, not just New Boston Texas.
Dear Abby talks about parental alienation
Family Court Judge says: "Most of the time, the parents believe the abuse happens, whether or not that belief is factually based or not is something different," Keller said. "The court has to take it seriously because in the very rare instance that it is true."
Parent fined for failing to facilitate a health relationship between child and other parent.
WCAX News Investigates Parental Alienation Discusses False Allegations
Erie News interviews Cindy Corsi
Head of British Child Protection Services calls parental alienation child abuse "He said the deliberate manipulation of a child by one parent against the other has become so common in family breakdowns that it should be dealt with like any other form of neglect or child abuse .... Divorced parents who 'brainwash' their children against ex-partners are guilty of 'abuse', the head of the agency that looks after youngsters' interests in family courts has said .... we do have family law and through assessments and enforcement proceedings, we do have the ability to send parents to prison In some countries, governments have put in place legislation to prevent such behaviour. In Italy parents can be fined, whereas in Mexico, guilty adults can be given a 15-year jail term."
Parent declared "irreproachable" by the court has "not seen child for 12 years despite 84 court orders demanding she back down." This happens to both mothers and fathers.
Judge Judy on people thinking father or mother is entitled to the child (wrong)
Legally Kidnapped: Inside the Hunger Games of Family Court
Comments from the former nanny of Angelina Jolie on the transgenerational nature of attachment trauma. Here is a picture of Brad Pitt signing a parental alienation awareness t-shirt a few years earlier.
News article that parental alienation is child abuse "legal and mental health professionals say it is a very real and damaging form of emotional child abuse."
Here is an example of mild parental alienation, where one parent asks a child to lie about who killed their other parent. The child initially lies. It is easy to tell what the truth is by the trail of blood and by the location of the murder weapon. In this case, the child is not yet fully delusional. This is a very good job of putting the child in the middle of a parental conflict :(
Parental alienation made the news in Harrisburg on January 24, 2019, where the APA working group is noted.
CBS documented a severe case of parental alienation in March 2019, the Neurauter case, where an alienator caused a child to get caught up in so much delusional thinking that the child murdered the erased parent. There are many
TED Talk "Parental Alienation is a form of domestic violence" Stereotypes make it easy for a parent to villify the other parent. "Parental alienation is a devastating problem affecting millions of families around the world. Unfortunately, much like how we addressed domestic violence several decades ago, we treat parental alienation as a domestic issue rather than as a problem that affects communities, school systems, police and court systems, mental health and financial institutions, and legislative bodies. I will discuss how our social and cultural systems sanction and even promote parental alienation at the expense of our children, and what can be done about it. Dr. Harman is an Associate Professor of Psychology at Colorado State University and is the Program Coordinator for the Applied Social & Health Psychology Program. .... She has more recently applied her research expertise in social psychology to better understand and find solutions for parental alienation because she has been a target of it herself."
In a survey of 610 random adults in North Carolina, "13.4% of adults have been alienated from one or more of their children" . "In a survey of 610 adults in North Carolina,13.4% of parents say they are alienated from a child. An estimated 5 million adults perceive the parental alienation to be severe. The study is entitled "Prevalence of parental alienation drawn from a representative poll" and will appear in the July 2016 edition of the "Child and Youth Services Review".
Parental alienation: what it means and why it matters "The term “parental alienation” is not in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM, which is a manual that offers a common language and standard criteria that mental health providers use to classify mental disorders). However, “child affected by parental relationship distress (CAPRD)” is a term that has been added to the most recent edition of the DSM, the DSM-5. CAPRD includes parental alienating behaviors such as badmouthing a parent to a child. And several of the manual’s authors have clarified CAPRD to include an entire range of parental alienating behaviors and outcomes." Link to same article in the Houston Chronicle
Article "The Dark World of Parental Alienation" .... "We have been told that parental alienation does not exist .... Parental alienation behaviors (e.g. derogating a parent to a child) are now included in DSM-V"
Amy Baker on Radio Station KCAA
Amy J L Baker interviewed on Detroit Radio Station WDET in July 2015 Stephen Henderson speaks with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker one of the country’s leading experts on Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), which affects some children of divorce. According to Dr. Baker, PAS occurs when a parent emotionally manipulates a child into turning a child against his or her other parent, in the absence of abuse or neglect. There 17 primary alienation strategies that the favorite parent engages in when they’re attempting to turn a child against the other parent; and there are 8 behavioral patterns a child exhibits when they are under the influence of PAS. Dr. Baker believes that today’s judges are not trained to recognize PAS and would like to see a program implemented where judges are taught about parental alienation. She feels that the best way to combat PAS is to nip it in the bud, make people aware of the signs of PAS, before it becomes a mental health issue. If you feel that you are the victim of PAS, Dr. Baker, says that these are the 4 factors when alienation is occurring.
There use to be a good relationship between the child and the alienated parent.
The favorite parent is using the 17 primary alienation strategies.
There is no evidence of neglect or abuse from the rejected parent.
The child is exhibiting the 8 behavior patterns of alienation
Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome, by Amy Baker
Surviving Parental Alienation, by Amy Baker
Working with Alienated Families, by Amy Baker
Surviving Parental Alienation by Amy Baker The best advice there is for re-connecting with (adult) children, but of course, there is no magic bullet.
Dr Warshak's Web Site Includes an excellent treatment program called Family Bridges
Dr Warshak - Peer Reviwed - Ten Parental Alienation Fallacies That Compromise Decisions in Court and in Therapy. False beliefs about the genesis of parental alienation and about appropriate remedies shape opinions and decisions that fail to meet children’s needs. This article examines 10 mistaken assumptions: (a) children never unreasonably reject the parent with whom they spend the most time, (b) children never unreasonably reject mothers, (c) each parent contributes equally to a child’s alienation, (d) alienation is a child’s transient, short-lived response to the parents’ separation, (e) rejecting a parent is a short-term healthy coping mechanism, (f) young children living with an alienating parent need no intervention, (g) alienated adolescents’ stated preferences should dominate custody decisions, (h) children who appear to function well outside the family need no intervention, (i) severely alienated children are best treated with traditional therapy techniques while living primarily with their favored parent, and (j) separating children from an alienating parent is traumatic. Reliance on false beliefs compromises investigations and undermines adequate consideration of alternative explanations for the causes of a child’s alienation. Most critical, fallacies about parental alienation shortchange children and parents by supporting outcomes that fail to provide effective relief to those who experience this problem.
Warshak Support for Shared Parenting
Warshak Parental Alienation: Overview, Management, Intervention, and Practice Tips "counseling or psycho-therapy tend to be suitable for mild and some moderate cases ..... Counseling is not only ineffective in many cases of moderate and severe alienation. Often it makes things worse. Counselors who lack adequate understanding and competence in dealing with parental alienation may be too quick to accept at face value the favored parent and child’s representations of events. This can result in misdiagnosis and misguided treatment." ..... "If the favored parent’s behavior is considered to be a form of psychological abuse, the court facilitates the children’s continued exposure to toxic parenting rather than protecting them from further abuse..... Effective cross-examination of mental health experts often uncovers the absence or paucity of their experience in overcoming severe alienation. With very few exceptions, the expert’s experience is limited to working on cases with children who remain primarily in the care of the favored parent, or whom the court places with the rejected parent but who receive no effective help to adjust to the court orders. The expert has no long-term experience with children who present as severely alienated and who, in a reasonable length of time, recover affectionate feelings, correct cognitive distortions, and resume normal behavior with the parent who had been rejected."
Linda Gottlieb's Awesome Parental Alienation Presentation This really rocks and explains how therapists usually get it wrong, because alienation it is counter-intuitive.
Linda Gottlieb testifies before the Connecticut task force
Even abused foster children do not reject a parent: "Research Observation: Despite the abuse and neglect suffered by the 3000 foster care children who had been under my care, it was extremely uncommon for those children to refuse contact with a parent—even with an overtly abusive parent. Rather, abused children tend to protect and cling to the abusive parent. Moreover, in the rare cases in which that did appear to happen, there was always some evidence of indoctrination or programming (typically by foster parents who had the surreptitious goal of adopting the child). Thus, it is counter-instinctual for a child to reject a parent—even an abusive parent. When a professional observes a child strongly reject a parent in the absence of verified abuse, neglect or markedly deficient parenting skills—which should never be assumed based on the child’s self-reporting—one of the first thoughts should be that the other parent is an alienator. Moreover, one should never assume that, because a child has rejected a parent, the parent must have done something to warrant it."
Linda's essay on the parental alienation and the history of US custody law
Most professionals believe [incorrectly] that if a child has rejected a parent, the parent must have done something to warrant it. Few people would even think of another explanation: namely that the child had been programmed or brainwashed, just like what occurs in a cult or in the well-known Stockholm syndrome. But if one were to compare alienated children to foster children — specifically, children who had been removed from their parents due to actual abuse and neglect — the difference would be obvious. Children who have truly been abused crave a relationship with their parents. Paradoxically — and this is what makes it so counterintuitive — with few exceptions, abused children protect their abusive parents. They do not disparage, attack or reject them. I myself saw this consistently during my 24 years of working in New York State’s Child Welfare System.
Most professionals believe [incorrectly] that it is unlikely that a child would align with an abusive, alienating parent. What is missed here is that the child is vulnerable to the manipulations of the alienating parent, such as bribery, abuse of authority and power, and permissiveness. We know how it is generally the targeted/alienated parent who enforces the appropriate discipline to fill the parental vacuum vacated by the alienating parent. By doing so, targeted/alienated parents are incredibly misunderstood and doubly victimized by the inexperienced professional, who then labels them as too harsh and not respectful of their children’s feelings and wishes.
Most professionals confuse pathological enmeshment with healthy bonding. To the naïve observer, the closeness and clinging seen with enmeshed parent-child relationships seems normal, even healthy. But it is not. As a result of this dysfunctional relationship, alienated children lose their individuality; must suppress their natural feelings of love and need for a parent; and are manipulated to do the bidding of the alienating parent. That is extremely dangerous and damaging to the child.
Interview with Brian Ludmer on Legal Strategies Brian Ludmer is perhaps the foremost Parental Alienation attorney. Although this is used as an advertisement for a different law firm, the points remain valid. "Q: What can you do to combat an alienating parent? Brian Ludmer: Well, the key thing is you need to strictly, frequently, and early on assert your right to the access you are supposed to have with your child. Most of the problems result from people being too timid or delaying the problem thinking there is some therapeutic answer. You can’t really stop false allegations from being made, and quite often the fact they’re being made can be used to your advantage .... Most alienators will fold rather than actually go on the stand at a trial ...question the aligned parent under oath during the case, you can get some amazing admissions that then inform the custody assessment and the judge. So, the idea is to expose them — not allow them to hide behind false affidavits and lawyer’s letters — and that typically will force their hand." [This should not be misunderstood as legal advice from this site.]
Brian Ludmer Law Brian is the main legal man in the parental alienation movement. He will allow other lawyers to seek high level direction from him.
The Book "The High-Conflict Custody Battle," available on Amazon
Brian Ludmer slide deck presentation to North York General Hospital
Brian Ludmer Interview in AdvocateDaily.com about why traditional therapy fails in parental alienation cases. "Reconciliation therapy is an intensive psycho-educational intervention that, when structured and delivered properly by specialists in the field, can be far more effective in cases of parental alienation than conventional therapeutic methods, says Toronto family lawyer Brian Ludmer"
MANAGING THE PARENTAL ALIENATION CASE - April 5, 2016 - V2 final - 141 page slide deck that gives high level bullet points. We have no legal credentials, but this could be an outline of the world's best strategees on how to win a parental alienation case. Give it to your attorney. To get a copy, send email to howie.dennison@gmail.com, or friend him on facebook. See also parental alienation training materials for lawyers for continuing education classes, etc.
Brian Ludmer's class, part 1, on parental alienation at the Columbus Bar Association, April 6, 2016. Fills in the bullets in the above slide deck.
Brian Ludmer's class, part 2, on parental alienation at the Columbus Bar Association, April 6, 2016. Fills in the bullets in the above slide deck.
The Young Mind: Law not keeping up with new understanding of suggestibility, memory "Law not keeping up with new understanding of suggestibility, memory"
Children Hurt in the Divorce Process This is a spectacularly brilliant article on all the potential/common harm done to a child by asking a the child which parent they prefer, and all the potential/common harm done to the child by the appointment of minor's counsel (guardian ad litem). Written by elite parental alienation attorney Brian Ludmer. The harms include further triangulating the child into the marital conflict, furthering enmeshment, over empowering the child, and focusing on the child's wants rather than their needs, which is not in the best interest of the child.
8 thoughts on “The unbearable madness of knowing" Understand that there is nothing that you can do to remedy the situation without taking control out of the hands of the alienating parent.
Working with the alienated child: "Children need us to do this work, they need us to teach people how to stop asking them what their wishes and feelings are and to take responsibility for analyzing the child’s reactions and responses in alienation. Far too many children are being tormented by the routine seeking of their wishes and feelings which are, in alienation situations, simply the repetition of the unwell parent’s feelings and beliefs. This is an impossible situation for a child who can only, in such circumstances, repeat the words they have heard and the intentions which are conveyed as a felt sense in the intrapsychic world."
How to hear the voice of the alienated child : Lessons for family practitioners Popular ideology about men and women are used as part of the false alienation narrative
Homecoming - Helping the Reunited Child "They are also, both showing, the emergence of repressed guilt and shame and are struggling with this in terms of their ability to properly and fully settle into home life. Guilt and shame are two normal and healthy emotional responses and in ordinary circumstances, one would welcome the expression of both as a regulatory force which socialises a child. In formerly alienated children however, guilt and shame are two expressions of feeling which have long been repressed as part of the alienation process, because in order to reject a parent who is loved, a child must first adopt the psychological defence of burying all good feelings for that parent and projecting only negative beliefs and feelings upon them. This action, which is a defence and a coping mechanism which allows the child to safely survive in the world of the alienating parent, causes shame and guilt but instead of these being a regulatory force, preventing the child from complete rejection, they become unwanted feelings which must be denied, split off and repressed along with all good feelings for the now hated parent. The child enters a psychological space at this juncture, in which he is unable to locate any of those feelings, allowing him to fully and completely, join the delusional belief of the alienating parent that his rejection is justified. When the child has entered this place, anything goes in terms of allegations, projections, delusional beliefs and more, because the normal regulatory feelings are completely removed from consciousness. Instead of these healthy responses, a self righteous anger appears which can make a child appear to be completely without guilt. Sadly, though the outward appearance is such, the repression of those normal feelings does not actually wash them away but instead swallows up a whole lot of emotional and psychological energy in keeping them out of the conscious mind. Children in this condition actually look frozen in their faces and unable to do anything other than react in an almost feral knee jerk response to intervention. The effort of keeping those regulatory feelings repressed is one which takes immense amounts of energy, leaving some children lethargic, exhausted and disinterested in the world around them. This is the presentation of buried grief which accompanies many alienated children."
Karen Woodall discusses the need to protect the child and the child's experience of this protection.
According to Karen Woodall, parental alienation is becoming a little bit trendy but people are not understanding the true horror of it all, the psychological abuse aspect, and are instead failing to realize that the child must be protected.
The healing journey of a formerly alienated person: From Division to Resilience
The real meaning of parental alienation - reality testing working with parental alienation
Alienated Child Whispering : "I work with alienated children, I know them well. I work with them when they are alienated and fiercely determined not to see a parent and I work with them through and beyond reunification towards a place of psychological balance. This year so far I have undertaken seven reunifications with fifteen children and all have been successful. None have used force, all have utilised the reconfiguration of the dynamics around the child via the legal system with a subsequent quiet and peaceful encounter with the rejected parent. What I know about reunification of children is that it is not a mystery, it is not a magic wand and it is not something which is within the skills range of only a few people. Anyone can reunify a child if they understand how to work counter-intuitively and are sensitive the alienated child’s way of speaking. To do this one has to get out of the way of everything one thinks one knows and start again. Alienated children do not speak the same language as other children, they speak with their bodies as well as their mouths and they convey meaning as much in the unsaid as those things they tell you. When I am working with an alienated child I spend a lot of time with them doing ordinary things. We will play games, go for walks, eat cake, watch tv and hang out. When I do these things I do so to learn the language this particular child is speaking, because although all alienated children say the same things, they each have their own dialect ...... That comes after reunification however. What comes before is the shift in power dynamic which brings the attachment relationship to the fore and the work to give the child the knowledge that things have changed sufficiently for them to let go of the coping mechanism of rejection."
Karen's new book "Understanding Parental Alienation: Learning to Cope, Helping to Heal"
Alienators are not monsters. Only fearful people. The fear leads to anger
next
Steve Miller How PA Cases Go Wrong. Why Most Peopled get it exactly backward. From Harvard Medical
Working with Alienated Families, by Amy Baker Steve Miller has an entire chapter on clinical decision making errors.
William Bernet Interview 1 Comments on DSM-5
William Bernet Interview 2 Estimate 1% of children are involved. PA Treatment. PA Outcomes
Dr Bernet writes in the Psychiatric Times - Children of High Conflict Divorce Face Many Challenges
Read this article called "Child affected by Parental Relationship distress", which is available for free here, written by Dr. Bernet, along with two co-authors Wamboldt and Narrow, who were the authors of the same DSM-5 chapter. This lends credence to the claim that parental alienation is in DSM-5 after all.
Darrel Regier Darrel Regier Bio A person who influenced DSM-5 to not include parental alienation
Writers of DSM-5 explain why they believe PA should not be included "The bottom line – it is not a disorder within one individual," said Dr. Darrel Regier, vice chair of the task force drafting the manual. "It's a relationship problem – parent-child or parent-parent. Relationship problems per se are not mental disorders."There is not sufficient scientific evidence to warrant its inclusion in the DSM," It is highly significant that Dr. Darrel Regier said all along that parental alienation is not a “mental disorder,” but is a type of relational problem. Darrel never said that parental alienation does not exist or is not a problem. He said it is not a “mental disorder” (i.e., an ailment located INSIDE the mind of the patient), but it is a “mental condition” (i.e., a relational problem, something located BETWEEN the patient and another person). Read this article called "Child affected by Parental Relationship distress", written by Dr. Bernet, along with two co-authors, Wamboldt and Narrow who were the authors of the same DSM-5 chapter.
Past President of the APA leaves children without hope "I really get concerned about spreading the definition of mental illness too wide," Elissa Benedek, past president of the American Psychiatric Association (APA), told US News & World Report last year.
Paul Fink, past APA President, said "I do not deny that parental alienation occurs and that a lot of people are hurt when there is an alienator.
"Children are resilient" ..... "Courts and evaluators should operate from a healthy appreciation for the range of imperfect parenting that children everywhere survive," -Professor Joan Meier, page 15 Sigh. The APA has determined that child psychological abuse is just as harmful as child sexual abuse.
Doug Darnell His slightly different definition of parental alienation
Dr Phil Alienation This one has been removed due to a CBS copyright claim
Dr Phil 3 4 min 11 seconds. He says he has seen equal numbers of men and women alienate children. "The number one biggest mistake in a divorce is to sabotage your child's relationship with the other parent .... using your child .... child ends up in the middle". "when you have anger towards your ex and you use the child as a pawn, get them to love you" "they do that because they are hugely pissed. That's why they do it. They don't like their ex anymore and they see the child's affiliation with the other as ... I have seen them do it just as many men do it as women, just as many women as men ... that's a bad thing".
Comments from a Texas Supreme Court Judge and Chair of the American Bar Association Family Law Association Texas Supreme Court Justice Debra Lerhmann, chair of the American Bar Association's family law section, said .... "Anyone who's in this business knows there are situations where that [parental alienation] in fact is happening ... " she said.
Victims of Another War This is an outstanding documentary, following the lives of three children who were taken away(abducted) by one parent and told their other parent abandoned them. It follows them into adult hood to understand the implications of this on their lives.
Sequel to Victims of Another War
Documentary: Erasing a Dad 100 Parents were interviewed. It fills out and confirms parental alienation
The APA announced by a 2014 press release that "Child Psychological Abuse [is] as harmful as child Sexual Abuse." This press release was approved by the APA council. It is based on the Unseen Wounds paper , which is seminal research published in an APA journal. It also quotes findings form the American Academy of Pediatrics. It notes that "Child protective services case workers may have a harder time recognizing and substantiating emotional neglect and abuse because there are no physical wounds,” said Spinazzola. “Also, psychological abuse isn’t considered a serious social taboo like physical and sexual child abuse. We need public awareness initiatives to help people understand just how harmful psychological maltreatment is for children and adolescents.” Other research at McGill University confirms the findings.
APA Press Release about Psychological Child Abuse This is the press release for "Unseen Wounds" from the APA. See link immediately above.
Psychology Today calls it emotional abuse "There is now scholarly consensus that severe alienation is abusive to children (Fidler and Bala, 2010), and it is a largely overlooked form of child abuse (Bernet et al, 2010), as child welfare and divorce practitioners are often unaware of or minimize its extent"
DSM 5 and Child Neglect and Abuse
Assessment of the Harmful Psychiatric and Behavioral Effects of Different Forms of Child Maltreatment "Our findings challenge widely held beliefs about how child abuse should be recognized and treated—a responsibility that often lies with the physician. Because different types of child abuse have equivalent, broad, and universal effects, effective treatments for maltreatment of any sort are likely to have comprehensive psychological benefits. Population-level prevention and intervention strategies should emphasize emotional abuse, which occurs with high frequency but is less punishable than other types of child maltreatment". And also "Finally, population-level prevention and intervention strategies should not ignore the considerable psychological harms imposed by emotional abuse, which rival those of physical abuse and neglect. Taken together with high worldwide prevalence and evidence that emotional and physical pain share a common somatosensory representation in the brain, it is clear that emotional abuse is wide-spread, painful, and destructive."
Alienated children have sky high ACES scores, which the CDC says greatly elevates their risk for future harm.
The Young Mind: Law not keeping up with new understanding of suggestibility, memory "Law not keeping up with new understanding of suggestibility, memory"
The Science of Early Life Toxic Stress for Pediatric Practice and Advocacy "Young children who experience toxic stress are at high risk for a number of health outcomes in adulthood, including cardiovascular disease, cancers, asthma, and depression. The American Academy of Pediatrics has recently called on pediatricians, informed by research from molecular biology, genomics, immunology, and neuroscience, to become leaders in science-based strategies to build strong foundations for children’s life-long health."
Wounds That Time Won't Heal: The Neurobiology of Child Abuse "Neuropsychologist Teicher reveals the alarming connections scientists are revealing about child abuse - even when it is psychological, not physical, and permanent debilitating changes in the brain that may lead to psychiatric problems. The discoveries are a wake-up call for our society .... Our brains are sculpted by our early experiences. Maltreatment is a chisel that shapes a brain to contend with strife, but at the cost of deep, enduring wounds. Childhood abuse is not something that you "get over." It is an evil that we must acknowledge and confront."
Scars that Won't Heal: The Neurobiology of Child Abuse "Maltreatment at an early age can have enduring negative effects on a child's brain development and function ... Society reaps what it sows in the way it nurtures its children. Stress sculpts the brain to exhibit various antisocial, though adaptive, behaviors. Whether it comes in the form of physical, emotional or sexu-trauma or through exposure to warfare, famine or pestilence, stress can set off a ripple of hormonal changes that permanently wire a child’s brain to cope with a malevolent world. Through this chain of events, violence and abuse pass from generation to generation as well as from one society to the next. Our stark conclusion is that we see the need to do much more to ensure that child abuse does not happen in the first place, be-cause once these key brain alterations occur, there may be no going back"
The effects of maltreatment on brain development a compendium of many studies
Six Peer Reviewed Studies Show that Parental Alienation is Child Abuse
Emotional Abuse During Childhood Linked to Adult Migraine Risk
8 Common Effects of Narcissistic Parenting What happens when you live in the shadow of a narcissistic parent? Chronic self-blame, Echoism, insecurity attachment, need-panic, fierce independence, the parentified child, extreme narcissism, PTSD,
Neuroimaging of child abuse: a critical review "Childhood maltreatment is a stressor that can lead to the development of behavior problems and affect brain structure and function. This review summarizes the current evidence for the effects of childhood maltreatment on behavior, cognition and the brain in adults and children. Neuropsychological studies suggest an association between child abuse and deficits in IQ, memory, working memory, attention, response inhibition and emotion discrimination. Structural neuroimaging studies provide evidence for deficits in brain volume, gray and white matter of several regions, most prominently the dorsolateral and ventromedial prefrontal cortex but also hippocampus, amygdala, and corpus callosum (CC)."
Homecoming - Helping the Reunited Child "They are also, both showing, the emergence of repressed guilt and shame and are struggling with this in terms of their ability to properly and fully settle into home life. Guilt and shame are two normal and healthy emotional responses and in ordinary circumstances, one would welcome the expression of both as a regulatory force which socialises a child. In formerly alienated children however, guilt and shame are two expressions of feeling which have long been repressed as part of the alienation process, because in order to reject a parent who is loved, a child must first adopt the psychological defence of burying all good feelings for that parent and projecting only negative beliefs and feelings upon them. This action, which is a defence and a coping mechanism which allows the child to safely survive in the world of the alienating parent, causes shame and guilt but instead of these being a regulatory force, preventing the child from complete rejection, they become unwanted feelings which must be denied, split off and repressed along with all good feelings for the now hated parent. The child enters a psychological space at this juncture, in which he is unable to locate any of those feelings, allowing him to fully and completely, join the delusional belief of the alienating parent that his rejection is justified. When the child has entered this place, anything goes in terms of allegations, projections, delusional beliefs and more, because the normal regulatory feelings are completely removed from consciousness. Instead of these healthy responses, a self righteous anger appears which can make a child appear to be completely without guilt. Sadly, though the outward appearance is such, the repression of those normal feelings does not actually wash them away but instead swallows up a whole lot of emotional and psychological energy in keeping them out of the conscious mind. Children in this condition actually look frozen in their faces and unable to do anything other than react in an almost feral knee jerk response to intervention. The effort of keeping those regulatory feelings repressed is one which takes immense amounts of energy, leaving some children lethargic, exhausted and disinterested in the world around them. This is the presentation of buried grief which accompanies many alienated children."
Hurting the Heart of a Child: Parental alienation is Child Abuse, by Karen Woodall: "This week I heard the hurt of a child who has been harmed by the psychological splitting that comes with parental alienation. It was a visceral experience which took me straight to the core of the problem caused for children by parents and other adults who cause a child to reject a loved parent. Overwhelming guilt and shame and the utter bewilderment that comes when a child blames themselves first. Because being in a position of utter vulnerability in relationship to adults, it is all too easy for a child to assume that if something is wrong, they must have caused it. My confrontation with the harm that parental alienation causes to a child, made me realise that, parental alienation causes similar damage to that which is caused when a child is sexually abused. It is a primal wound against the child’s sense of sovereignty over their own selves and soul. A child who has been alienated against a parent, feels guilt and shame for having been made to take part in acts of hatred against a loved parent, so much so that the feelings impact in a physical as well as emotional, mental and psychological way. The distortion of the child’s experience, in which they are aware that what they are doing is hurting the other parent but in which they are pushed to bury those normalising feelings of guilt and shame for having done so, by the parent causing the splitting reaction, causes deep wounds which take time to recover from. Trusting others after being alienated is something that many children appear to be unable to achieve."
Father Loss and Child Telomere Length Here is a magazine article that makes it less technical: Losing a Dad Changes the Biology of Children "Father loss during childhood has negative health and behavioral consequences, but the biological consequences are unknown. Our goal was to examine how father loss (because of separation and/or divorce, death, or incarceration) is associated with cellular function as estimated by telomere length."
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How Dr Childress Diagnoses Parental Alienation (checklist) This is the extended diagnostic checklist for pathogenic parenting. Also see a Prose based description
The Collected Works for Dr Craig Childress Announcing A single index of his ever increasing 102 blog posts, over 23 videos, 64 documents, and 3 books.
How Doctor Childress Diagnoses Parental Alienation This is a recent prose based description. Also see the checklist (above). Also see a checklist version
Peer Review A note from Dr Childress to Mental Health Professionals to explain parental alienation to them from their perspective.
Childress: Documenting Attachment Based Parent Alienation in a Legal Context
Dr Childress Treatment (kids put in custody of targeted parents until children's behavior improved) How to Eliminate PA - kids put in custody of alienated parent until the alienation stops. Mexico just passed a law so that the alienated parent becomes the custodial parent.
The Hostage Metaphor I have just added another article entitled "The Hostage Metaphor" to the Parental Alienation section of my website at www.drcachildress.org. This new article discusses the processes by which the child psychologically surrenders to the psychopathology of the narcissistic/(borderline) parent, and it ends with a focus on the child protection issues associated with attachment-based "parental alienation." This is one of my personal favorite articles, perhaps because I am giving voice to the child's perspective.'~ Dr. C. Childress
Checklist of Underlying Pathologies
Professional to professional letter - Hostile Rejecting Child VariantDr Childress lays it all out and comes closer to figuring it out than anyone else I have ever seen. This explains the theory behind parental alienation, and everything else. Or the hyper anxiety variant Professional to Professional Letter, Hyper-anxiety variant
Stark Reality Children must first be protected from retaliation from the targeting parent before they can be expected to open an emotional connection with the targeted parent.
The Appointment of Minor's Counsel Must Stop Insightful description of the harms done to a child by the Guardian ad Litem System
Treatment of attachment based parental alienation Master Lecture Series at California Southern 11/21/2014
Technical Discussion of Attachment Pathology: Personality Pathology and Disorganized Attachment A Letter to Mental Health Professionals
Coping with the Complex Trauma of Parental Alienation
Re-enactment of Trauma Cats are not Dogs
On Notice Standard 2.01: Boundaries of Competence In cases of attachment-based “parental alienation” the potential violations likely center on Standard 2.01: Boundaries of Competence, in which the mental health professional failed to possess the necessary knowledge and professional competence in personality disorder pathology, family systems pathology, and attachment trauma pathology necessary to assess, diagnose, and treat the particular type of pathology being evidenced in your family.
Brian Ludmer interview citing Dr Childress on Therapy about why traditional therapy fails in parental alienation cases. “Current practices in reunification therapy may involve simply listening to the child’s litany of complaints against the targeted parent, having the targeted parent apologize to the child for supposed parental failures (often exaggerated, distorted, or even fabricated by the child), and encouraging the further disempowerment of the targeted parent who must seek to appease the child, continually, and without success in altering the child’s rejection. In other cases where the ‘reunification therapy’ employs approaches that may be effective, tactics of the alienating parent and child, who postpone, reschedule, and fail to attend appointments, will delay and frustrate the goals. In other cases, the child and alienating parent engage in tactics to remove therapists who challenge the child to behave more appropriately, in favor of therapists who enable the child’s over-empowerment and collude with the family psychopathology that is manifesting in the child’s rejection of the targeted parent.”
“Most conventional therapists will look at a child’s relationship with a parent as a continuum with love and closeness on one end and rejection and no relationship on the other end. This is incorrect, because one of the tasks of childhood is to grow and develop your own individual critical thinking skills — not just act as an extension of one parent,” says Ludmer.
“It’s a logical error to equate closeness with health because many of those relationships are enmeshed, where a child’s critical thinking skills are impaired and they don’t have individuality of action or thought. You have to look at it as a continuum where health is in the middle and extreme enmeshment is at one end and dysfunction and complete rejection at the other end, and the job of the reconciliation therapy is to get the child in the middle. You have to break the enmeshed dynamic as much as you have to break the rejection dynamic.”
Demanding Professional Competence Background information on how and why to file a complaint
Childress on ranking Pathogenic Parenting as worse than physical abuse
Recovering the Adult Survivor of Childhood Alienation Dr. Childress writes: "The central feature of parental alienation for the children is grief and guilt, and the pathology generally would fall into the category of disordered mourning (Bowlby 1980). In order for an adult child to become open to restoring a relationship with the targeted parent, the child must be willing to become open to the pain of unresolved grief and guilt. Typically, adult children are reluctant to open the doors to their buried sadness".
Blog Article on Recovering Adult Children of Alienation Dr. Childress writes: "My recommendation is for targeted parents to request from the mental health professional involved in your family situation that the mental health professional contact me to engage in a professional-to-professional consultation. I cannot talk to the targeted parent regarding the specifics of your situation. I can, however, talk with the mental health professional as part of a professional-to-professional case consultation as long as the mental health professional does not disclose identifying information about the clients in the case. Both the mental health and the legal system response to the pathology of “parental alienation” are broken. We must first fix the mental health response to the pathology, and then, with the mental health system as your firm ally, we can turn to fixing the legal system’s response. My typical recommendation to all targeted parents who seek my counsel is for them to ask the involved mental health professional to contact me by email with the heading <Professional Consultation>. "
Child Custody Industry in Mental Health
Letter to a School explaining parental alienation
Customized letter of explanation for a parent, in this blog article, Dr. Childress explains that he is willing to write a personal letter to the alienated parent, with the alienated parent's name on it.
A March 2017 newspaper article that talks about Dr. Childress
A July 2017 magazine article that talks about Dr. Childress , in Utah Valley Wellness
Personality Pathology and Disorganized Attachment "This post is directed toward mental heath professionals and contains a technical discussion of attachment pathology, although targeted parents may find the discussion enlightening as well."
One page letter for parents to hand to mental health professionals
Professional Competence youtube series
When Orders for Joint Custody Become De Facto Sole Custody Due to the Pathological Parent "For a variety of neuro-developmental reasons involving the brain’s developmental immaturity, children will reference the meaning constructions of parents in order to orient themselves to the meaning of situations, particularly in ambiguous situations. This natural process of socially referencing parents for meaning construction combines with the strong assertions of meaning emerging from the paranoid psychopathology of the narcissistic parent, resulting in the child adopting and expressing the aberrant and unbalanced meaning constructions of the pathological parent. "
Dr. Childress own bibliography of his most significant deliveries
Overview of Types of Therapy and Family Systems Therapy
tbd
Ryan speaks with his dad (cross country ski course)
Three Keys to Parental Alienation - Why it's so powerful and destructive
The Illusion of Choice - Why Children Believe They are in Control
Triggering Refection - a tool to help reconnect with your child
Ryan and his Dad Speak to Each Other about Parental Alienation
Can I Initiate a Lightbulb Moment? Understand the view of the alienated child. They are under pressures. What is most important to them is having as much peace and tranquility in their life, and they have been convinced to believe that by not having alienated parent in their life, that is the answer to everything. What can the rejected parent do to serve their needs? Think about your child and find ways to making communicating with me or thinking about me different. One things that does not work is to completely implode their life or change their relationship with their favored change their thoughts. The alienated child is constantly trying to keep everything in check, to avoid upsetting the house of cards.
Children Held Hostage In Children Held Hostage, Stanley Clawar and Brynne Rivlin use important new research involving over 1,000 families to demonstrate that children can and are being used by parents in the divorce battle. Their research shows how negative actions by parents toward their children show up in court proceedings where children testify or are questioned by mental health professionals. The major issue in confronting this problem of programmed and brainwashed children has been identification of a child alienated by one parent against the other; proving it in court; and then finding a solution that not only works, but that a court will buy into. The updated edition of Children Held Hostage explains these issues in detail, with practice-focused explanations on every step in the process. The authors offer further insights into gender issues and differences. Other new material includes a social-psychological profile of programmers and brainwashers; identification of the most commonly asked questions by judges, target parents, lawyers and children; an expanded social explanation to the causes, impact, and interventions; development of an abductor profile; charts to visualize key findings and processes; and much more.
The Long History of PTSD, not included in DSM until DSM 3 Saying that parental alienation is not in DSM 5 is not a valid argument, since PTSD has shown up in literature since Homer's Iliad, around 767 BC.
Sign a Petition to ask for Parental Alienation to be Illegal
Jason Patric, Rosie Perez Rosie's mother kept her father from her. Jason ex is keep their son from him.
How to Spot and Stop Manipulators
Psychology Today Article on How to Reunify with Children "As Baker (2010) writes, alienated parents acutely feel the hostility and rejection of their children. These children seem cruel, heartless, and devaluing of their parents. Yet it is important to realize that from the child’s perspective, it is the targeted parent who has rejected them; they have been led to believe that the parent whom they are rejecting does not love them, is unsafe, and has abandoned them. Thus, the primary response of the alienated parent must always be one of loving compassion, emotional availability, and absolute safety. Patience and hope, unconditional love, being there for the child, is the best response that alienated parents can provide their children, even in the face of the sad truth that this may not be enough to bring back the child." "In reunification programs, alienated parents will benefit from guidelines with respect to their efforts to provide a safe, comfortable, open and inviting atmosphere for their children. Ellis (2005) outlines five strategies for alienated parents: (1) erode children’s negative image by providing incongruent information; (2) refrain from actions that put the child in the middle of conflict; (3) consider ways to mollify the anger and hurt of the alienating parent; (4) look for ways to dismantle the coalition between the child and alienating parent and convert enemies to allies; and (5) never give up on reunification efforts. As much as possible, Warshak (2010) recommends, alienated parents should try to expose their children to people who regard them, as parents, with honor and respect, to let children see that their negative opinion, and the opinion of the alienating parent, is not shared by the rest of the world. This type of experience will leave a stronger impression than anything the alienated parent can say on his or her own behalf, according to Warshak."
Differences between Family Court and Criminal Court Excellent, insightful explanation of the inherent differences in the court systems.
The Legal Context: Control the Language Describes how the targeting parent usually controls the initiative.
Weir, HIGH-CONFLICT CONTACT DISPUTES: EVIDENCE OF THE EXTREME UNRELIABILITY OF SOME CHILDREN'S ASCERTAINABLE WISHES AND FEELINGS More explanation about why it is not in the child's best interest to choose parents
Twelve Common Mistakes Alienated Parents Make 1. Don't bash child or alienating parent 2. Don't challenge child's loyalty, but say "It's wonderful that you and your father/mother have such a wonderful time together" 3. Don't discuss legal info 4. Don't make demands on how they should treat you 5. Don't interrogate 6. Don't moralize ("the right thing to say to me is") 7. Don't act like a psychologist 8. Don't yell/nag 9. Don't use guilt trips 10. Don't deny your children's feelings and only justify yours. 11. Apologize for mistakes now and in the past 12. Don't react or over-react when your child is treating you with contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling. Be a tortoise or they will not want to repair the relationship.
Children 4 Justice Partially about parental alienation. Shows the trauma that children experience.
Parental Alienation as a Diagnosis in Court Cases
Sue Cornbluff Explains How a Parent Alienates a Children
Rare example of someone admitting to alienation
How Parental Alienation Happens in Intact Families Parental alienation does happen in intact families and this shows how
The emotional scenario of abuse This video captures the emotional scenario of how abuse and control happen: An episode about DV that was aired on 20/20 News
60 minutes investigates a parental alienation child abduction to australia Phase I
60 minutes investigates a parental alienation international child abduction, phase II
Some Great Thoughts on Handling a Guardian ad Litem who can remove kids from a normal range parent's life "The key to being able to show a guardian’s investigation is incomplete or biased is to provide the guardian clear written guidelines at the beginning of the case of what issues one’s client would like the guardian to investigate. I call this an “issue based,” as opposed to “witness based,” investigation. Obviously the issues one will ask the guardian to investigate are those that one expects the investigation will uncover information favorable to the client and unfavorable to he opposing party. In asking a guardian to investigate a particular issue I might ask the guardian to do certain tasks or talk to certain witnesses.
For example, in a case in which the opposing party claims that my client interferes in his relationship with their child because she simply doesn’t respect the role of fathers, I might ask the guardian to talk to the father of one of her other children. The portion of my issue based investigation request might read as follows: One of the issues in this case is whether my client is unduly resistant to the other parent’s relationship with the child. My client has another child with another father and she and that father get along well. I would ask you to meet with and speak to this father, and, if possible, speak to her other child at that father’s house. We would ask your report to include an analysis of her co-parenting with this other father."
Stuart Kaplan Child Abuse V995.51 is relatively neglected in DSM-5 because of insurance company billing problems "Child abuse and neglect have been understood for decades as major etiological sources of aberrant behavior. It is perplexing that these well described phenomena are buried in the in the back of DSM- IV and DSM-5. Based on scientific support for their importance in the development and treatment of childhood psychopathology, elevating the status of these V codes would encourage additional clinical attention and research." .... "That DSM-5 does not regard them as mental disorders may reflect in part the DSM-5 definition of mental disorders. In general, DSM-5 reserves mental illness for disorders within an individual. The system does allow for some influence of the external world such as adjustment disorder and post traumatic stress disorder. Problems between people are more awkward for the DSM-5 system to manage as it is designed for the diagnosis of individuals."
Dr. Frank Ezzo, training given in Columbus, Ohio April 6, 2016
Master Parental Alienation Database at Vanderbilt University
Civil Protection Orders "The requests for a temporary order are rarely denied, even with little evidence to support the allegations. The court then schedules a return on the temporary protection order to determine if it should be made permanent. Both parties are present at the second hearing, but it is often very short with extremely limited time to make your case. The purpose of protection orders is to prevent one party from suffering serious emotional or physical harm from another. Although that sounds like a pretty tough standard to prove and meet (which it can be for men), protection orders are routinely implemented on very minimal evidence. "
Insight with Ron Berglas, affiliated with NPR KVCR, interviewing ISNAF, Linda Gottlieb, ...
Survey of mental health screenings at child advocacy centers.
The Nuclear Weapon of Divorce: Spousal Protection Orders "Mr. Cordell estimates that of that 85 percent, 90 percent are products of tactical divorce considerations rather than actual protection from abuse."
Free training for Parental / Family Member Education. This is endorsed by the Parental Alienation Study Group
"Bent science starts with a pre-determined outcome and works backward from a desired result. It is not true science. Those orchestrating the deception (“benders”) use a variety of tactics and strategies to shape, package and spin science to support their own hidden agenda and suppress opposing science.
Benders attempt to hide, dismiss and debunk contrarian research and unsupportive science. Benders will attack and harass the science and scientists that pose a threat to their interests. Using carefully crafted studies designed to confirm a desired outcome, the pre-determined conclusions are subsequently promoted and publicized to the relevant stakeholders who are often unable ( or sometimes unwilling) to discern real science from junk-science.
Misinformation, propaganda, and deception are disseminated in a variety of venues. Public relations firms are used to manipulate public perception and freelance writers are hired brandish favorable consensus statements. Authoritative reviews and critiques are ghostwritten under the names of “outside experts” who profit both monetarily and by adding a high-profile publication to their resume."
"A Kidnapped Mind: A Mother's Heartbreaking Story of Parental Alienation Syndrome"
This psychiatrist gets it right: "False accusations of hostility, divisiveness and hatred occur not infrequently in marriages with high levels of conflict and with impending separation or divorce. When of an extremely severe nature, such anger can lead to demonizing a spouse in an effort to undermine the trust of the children in that spouse and to obtain their loyalty instead. This pathological behavior is referred to as parental alienation and is clearly psychologically damaging to Catholic youth, spouses and families. Spouses who make false accusations against a husband or wife frequently have serious lifelong psychological conflicts often with excessive anger, a compulsive need to control and intense selfishness with an inflated sense of self. The goal of the accusations is primarily to control the spouse and children, as well as to gain custody of the children through divorce litigation. The origins of these actions are often from unconsciously modeling their presence in a parent or from giving into the pull of selfishness in the culture."
Some opinions on Bobby Kennedy and Mary Richard Kennedy. Evidently, parental alienation was involved.
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Narcissistic Abuse – Why Does It Take So Long to Heal? "Psychological trauma is the damage to the psyche that occurs as a result of a severely distressing event like emotional and psychological abuse. One of the debilitating aspects of this abuse that is so damaging to targets/victims is the trauma or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from being in this relationship! DEFINITION: Trauma means “injured” AND the result of an overwhelming amount of stress that exceeds a person’s ability to cope or integrate the emotions involved with that experience. A traumatic event involves one experience, or repeating events with the sense of being overwhelmed that can be delayed by weeks, years, or even decades as the person struggles to cope with the immediate circumstances. Eventually this can lead to serious, long-term negative consequences that can even be overlooked by mental health professionals especially if psychological abuse is at the root of problem but not actualized as trauma inducing. This is very important for targets/victims of this abuse because if the clinician fails to look through a trauma diagnosis to isolate the problems as they relate to current or past trauma, they may fail to see that trauma victims, young and old, organize much of their lives around repetitive patterns of reliving and warding off traumatic memories, reminders, and affects" .....
From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! "A Narcissist confounds and confuses our thoughts and make us feel wrong for something we didn’t even do – the blame and shame diversion that manages a victim down to feel wrong and worthless and over time erodes their reality!"
The APA and the Mental Health Child Abuse Scandal
5 Damaging Lies we learn from narcissistic parents "1) Your worth is always dependent on conditional circumstances 2) You need to be perfect and successful, but you should never be rewarded for it or feel enough. 3) There is always someone better, and you must beat them – starting with your own siblings 4) Contempt is a part of love and ‘normal’ in a relationship 5) Your emotions are not valid."
Narcissistic Abuse is Common "Gaslighting is a tactic of behavior in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works a lot better than you may think. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting. It is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done slowly, so the victim doesn't realize how much they've been brainwashed. In the movie Gaslight (1944), a man manipulates his wife to the point where she thinks she is losing her mind. "
Here is how narcissists recruit allies and fellow bullies and enablers.
6 signs that you have narcissistic abuse syndrome Some people rave that this describes their situation perfectly.
Gaslighting: the mind game everyone should now about "One of the main reasons we may not recognise it is that many of us will fail to believe those we trust and love are capable of manipulating us (it is this denial that keeps the dynamic going.) Also, the gaslighter will most likely be highly skilled at covering their tracks, keeping things subtle and being a skilled master or mistress of deception. Gaslighting is one of the most extreme, dangerous and effective forms of emotional and psychological abuse and is mostly carried out intentionally. Gaslighting is a game of mind control and intimidation that is often used by narcissists and sociopaths as a way of controlling, confusing and debilitating someone."
Parental Alienation and the Bystander Effect Denial of and indifference to this form of abuse of children is reminiscent of society’s denial in the early twentieth century of the prevalence of physical and sexual abuse of children (Warshak, 2015). Parental alienation is also a form of psychological domestic violence, as the suffering of targeted parents is deep and unending, and represents a complex trauma of profound magnitude (Kruk, 2011). In the words of Dietrich Boenhoffer, "Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act." Each of us has great potential power to act to help those in need, and to influence others to act. Above all else, in regard to parental alienation as a largely unrecognized form of child abuse and domestic violence, the message to professionals and non-professional lay people alike should be, “Don't be a bystander.” It takes moral courage to act, and in the case of parental alienation, action is urgently needed.
Professional Misunderstanding of Parental Alienation Mistaking alienation for estrangement Posted "They maintain that the concept of parental alienation is little more than a legal strategy used by abusive parents to deflect blame for their children’s fear and hatred of them, and argue that children who reject parents always have valid reasons, and that all "hated parents" are themselves responsible for their fate. As Richard Warshak and others have demonstrated, however, this is an erroneous argument which reinforces the "bystander effect" prevalent among legal and mental health professionals in regard to victims of alienation, discussed in my last posting. This indifference toward the profound suffering of alienated children and parents has devastating consequences." "How is it, Gottlieb asks, that experienced mental health professionals are so mistaken in these cases that they are no better at assessing parental alienation than a layperson? First and foremost, professionals who are assigned to conduct child custody evaluations or to represent a child in court lack training and expertise in the field of alienation."
The Life of the Alienated Parent is a brilliant article on the experience of the erased parent
Are you an enmeshed parent? “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.” ~ Kahlil Gibran. "Enmeshed parenting describes a style of parenting that can cause problems in your child’s successful development of their own personality, ethics, and values." Enmeshement may superficially look like a good parent/child relationship but it is decidedly unhealthy.
Tips on Setting Boundaries in Enmeshed Relationships "Healthy emotional and physical boundaries are the basis of healthy relationships. Enmeshed relationships, however, are bereft of these boundaries"
J Michael Bone on Enmeshment "I have read many a misguided & ill informed custody evaluation where the seriously enmeshed relationship between the alienated child & the alienating parent is described as being “very close” implying that this kind of closeness is healthy. In actuality, this kind of enmeshed “closeness” is far from healthy & is actually stunting and crippling, anything but healthy."
Respect Your Child's Boundaries During Divorce According to this article, "topics that breach normal parent-child boundaries and are not appropriate to discuss with children include:
One parent’s lack of financial contribution
One parent’s hurtful behavior toward the other
Infidelity
Sex
Resentment toward a co-parent
Anger toward a co-parent
Anxiety about the future
A co-parent being “wrong” about how to parent
The early history of the marriage and when things started to go wrong
A litany of every detailed event that transpired in the parents’ attempt to save the marriage (for example, saying you went to counseling is fine, but not the focus of each session, the thoughts of the counselor, the false starts at reconciliation, and so forth)."
Youtube video on pathological enmeshment
Mexico "Family violence commits the member of the family who transformed the consciousness of a child in order to prevent, hinder or destroy their links with one parent. The conduct described in the previous paragraph, is called parental alienation when performed by a parent, who, credited such conduct, will be suspended in the exercise of parental rights of the child and, consequently, the visitation and coexistence that, where appropriate, be decreed. Also, in case the alienating parent has the custody of the child, this will go immediately to the other parent, if it is a case of mild or moderate alienation."
Brazil
Romania
Estrangement:
Adults who do not speak to a parent "There is an additional danger to cutting off all contact with a parent: How will people who do this feel after their parent dies? The importance of having made some peace with a parent before he or she dies is difficult to overstate."
Steve Herman:
Dr. Sue Whitcombe:
Opinion piece for the British Psychological Society
Sue Whitcombe - Powerless: the lived experience of alienated parents in the UK "Thirty six participants [out of 54] reported that they had been subject to false allegations of domestic violence against their ex-partner and 44 [out of 54] reported false allegations of physical, sexual, emotional abuse or neglect against their child. In private family law proceedings in England and Wales, a child’s welfare is paramount. Allegations of abuse or neglect usually result in the immediate cessation of direct contact while fact finding, safeguarding and assessments are undertaken. Unable to see their child, parents experience a presumption of guilt and a need to prove their innocence."
Australia:
Australian Psychological Society, 2009 Literature Review "Children who become alienated and estranged from the non-residential parents (Kelly & Johnston, 2001) are also at high risk of poor adjustment. Estrangement is when children, for good reasons, become reluctant or refuse to see the parent. Typically this is because they have experienced poor treatment, been overwhelmed developmentally by the visiting arrangements, or suffered family violence. Parental alienation is defined as a child’s unreasonable rejection of one parent due to the influence of the other parent combined with the child’s own contributions (Kelly & Johnston, 2001). Early intervention (and usually this requires specialist intervention) in alienation and estrangement is advocated " This is also likewise declared in the 2009 Position Statement on Parenting after Separation, Prepared for the Australian Psychological Society
Australian Government, Department of Social Services, Through a Child's Eyes - Child Inclusive Practice in Family Relationship Services talks about "Extreme parental alienation can result in one parent trying to eliminate the other from the child's life. In the process of alienation the child often has to make a decision of rejecting, blaming or choosing one parent over another. Parental alienation encompasses a wide range of problematic behavioural, developmental and psychological issues and results in intense pressure being put on the children at separation. The danger of alienation is that it perpetuates conflict, and it can present as a range of conflicting behaviours."
In the 2014 Newsletter of the Australian Psychological Association describes a session by Stan Korosi, "Parental alienation: Responding to deliberate ruptures of children's parental relationships.
The 2014 Annual Conference of the Australian Psychological Association had a presentation from Mandy Mathewson entitled "Guidelines for best evidence based practice responses for parental alienation: a psychological and legal perspective TEMPLER, K. (University of Tasmania), MATTHEWSON, M. (University of Tasmania):
Italy:
England:
Mexico:
Brazil:
South Africa:
Malta:
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Shared Parenting:
Why Young Kids Should Spend Equal Time with Divorced Parents the study, "Should Infants and Toddlers Have Frequent Overnight Parenting Time With Fathers? The Policy Debate and New Data," was published today, Feb. 2, 2017, in the American Psychological Association journal Psychology, Public Policy and Law. "Not only did overnight parenting time with fathers during infancy and toddlerhood cause no harm to the mother-child relationship, it actually appeared to benefit children's relationships with both their mothers and their fathers," said William Fabricius, ASU associate professor of psychology and lead author of the study. "Children who had overnights with their fathers when they were infants or toddlers had higher-quality relationships with their fathers as well as with their mothers when they were 18 to 20 years old than children who had no overnights."
Ten Surprising Findings on Shared Parenting after Divorce
Consensus view of custody for children under 4 ... shared parenting is best, unless there is a major deficit in parenting ability
Mortality, severe morbidity, and injury in children living with single parents in Sweden: a population-based study As noted on facebook, girls had a 30 % overall higher mortality rate living with one parent compared to living with both parents whereas boys had a 65 % overall higher rate. The risk of suicide doubled for children living with a sole parent
School Information:
Cindy Corsi Interview on Television: Erie News Now: Cindy Corsi is a school counselor
Letter to a School explaining parental alienation, written by Dr. Childress
A School Counselor's Guide to Reporting Child Abuse and Neglect This document discusses the CAPTA definition of emotional abuse as: rejecting, isolating, terrorizing, ignoring, and corrupting a child. To summarize a paper by Amy Baker, parental alienation fits this definition as follows:
Spurning (In parental alienation, parent withdraws love from child to punish when connecting to other parent)
Terrorizing (In PA, inducing fear of other parent)
Isolating (In PA, child is cut off from other parent)
Corrupting/Exploiting (In PA, child engages in behaviors that are cruel, disrespectful, and immoral)
Denying Emotional Responsiveness (In PA, child is punished for connecting to other parent)
In general, an erased parent should expect to have to paddle upstream and have to go periodically to their child's school to check to make sure their name is on all the records and lists, no slanderous information has been entered into any school record, etc. Take the court order for shared custody / joint parenting to the school. When visiting on parent's night or for parent teacher conferences, make sure people know there are two households, two emails, etc. Always be polite, upbeat, and calm, and realize that most/many people at the school have heard incorrect information about you, and sometimes, they will have an irreversible opinion about you already. Make sure to go to all extra-curricular events (unless you are ordered not to). The alienator will be working overtime and meticulously to remove you from all sources of information, to erase you, and it may be appropriate to let the school know this. Be a volunteer for things at your child's school. Some people received no graduation tickets, but got in by volunteering for things that they need a parent to do on graduation night.
New Haven Unified School District policy on noncustodial parents
Possible example letter to a school counselor
Another possible example letter, from a parent to a school guidance counselor
An explanation, possibly appropriate for schools, about how joint custody becomes de facto sole custody, by Dr. Childress.
Abstract from a presentation at a conference for college counselors click here
A 2016 research paper on parental alienation and college students
A 2014 research paper on parental alienation and college students
Videos to send to schools.
Feminism and Parental Alienation:
See Karen Woodall's essay on "Through the Gendered Lens Darkly"
The Bridge 4 Us: