STORY GALLERY - OCTOBER 2023

The second our eyes locked across the busy seller’s enclosure I knew something very special was afoot. And I knew I had to act quickly to rescue you from those loutish traders who were scrutinising your tenderloins and licking their pencils, impervious to the beauty of your soul.

And truth to tell, my cupcake, you too have rescued me. Mother has become relentless of late in her crusade to find me a companion, creating profiles all over the interweb, parading me like a stray kelpie in need of a home. It’s been a nightmare. And the ladies’ photos! I’ve seen better looking tractors. I’ve been frightened beyond my wits by rapacious women desperate to get their hands on my smallholding. I still have nightmares of the giant gargoyle in gumboots who chased me across Henderson’s paddock, followed by her father. I had to hide in the barn with Mathilda for three hours and missed my dinner.

And all the time, precious, true love was waiting for me at the Bicester Livestock market.

Now, Priscilla, when we get home, you mustn’t mind mother. She has a short fuse and a sharp tongue. And she’ll be cross because she sent me to town for two sacks of feed and a tarpaulin, and in the dizzy excitement of it all, I clean forgot. I’m afraid you won’t be exactly what she had in mind. But do not fret. When she sees us, of an evening, seated beneath the lilac tree, you lowing sweetly as I strum a few bars of Some Enchanted Evening on my ukulele, I’m sure she’ll be moved to tears.

Jack having exchanged his cow for magic beans went on his merry way never thinking that his mother might be less than pleased with this business deal. Meanwhile Fred, although very happy with the transaction, was at a loss as to how to get his new acquisition home.

He had used his trusty motorcycle to get to the market as he had only intended to purchase a few vegetables, never thinking that he would have a cow on his hands.

Fred had seen Jack with the cow and had wanted it at once as it looked healthy and would provide cream, butter and of course milk for his growing family. Maybe later there would be a calf too if he could prevail upon his neighbour, who had a bull, to come to the party. 

There was plenty of room in the field at the back of his home for her to be a contented cow and contented cows gave a good milk yield; however, he now pondered the question ... how to get it home. Necessity is the mother of invention and of course where there’s a will there’s a way, but which way?

He sat by the roadside holding the rope which went around the cow’s neck. It was far too far to walk, besides wheeling the motorbike whilst also holding onto the cow, which he named Daisy, just to be different, would be no easy task. The rack which was on the back of his motorbike was far too small for a bovine the size of Daisy.

Then he hit on a cunning plan. If he could somehow fashion a larger rack onto the back of the existing rack on the motorbike, the cow could be tied onto it and he could ride home, albeit a bit more slowly than his trip to the market, but he could get home.

Leaving the motorbike, but still holding onto Daisy’s rope, he wandered around the market looking for something, anything that might do. There it was. Sitting among some old farm bits and pieces was a largish rack and bits of rope. After a bit of haggling, Fred bore the rack and rope triumphantly back to where he had left the motorbike.

Deftly he managed to tie the large rack securely onto the small one, then eyeing Daisy, he thought he might just have to enlist the help of some of the youths who were lounging around the marketplace.

With these boys, who willingly gave their brawn to help for a few coppers, he managed to get Daisy up onto the rack, but not liking her new position very much, she instantly jumped down.  Fortunately Fred still had the halter in his hand so she didn’t get very far. The next effort was met with success as, once she was again on the rack, the boys held her down until Fred had her tied securely onto the rack.

Thanking the boys, he set off on the long journey home, hoping that his wife would be as pleased with his purchase as he was.