“What do I do if my Little discloses to me that they are sexually active?”

What to do if your Little discloses sexual activity:

1. Listen calmly. Acting surprised, angry, or disappointed may inhibit your Little from sharing openly with you.

2. Ask clarifying questions. This is to prevent misunderstanding and also to have a clearer picture should you need to talk to their Parent/Guardian or you MSS. 

   1. Ask what has happened or why your Little wants to talk about this topic.

   2. If your Little has had sex, was it consensual? How do they feel about what happened? Are they expecting for it to happen again? How do they feel about that possibility?

   3. If your Little is thinking about having sex, why do they want to have sex? Do they feel pressured?

   4. Does your Little's Parent/Guardian know?

   5. Is your Little safe and healthy?

3. Reassure your Little. Let them know that, as their Big, you are here for them no matter what! You will support them without judgement.

4. Discuss the possible consequences of having sex including pregnancy, STIs, and social consequences (i.e. having other people know, affect on academics or extracurriculars). Depending on your comfort and the situation, this step may need to wait until you have touched base with your Little's Parent/Guardian or MSS.

5. If your Little discloses something that makes you fear for their safety, you must disclose this information to their family and your MSS immediately. To maintain trust in your match relationship, we ask you to let your Little know that you will need to share this information with their parent so they can keep Little safe healthy and happy. While this can be scary, we find that matches are able to recover and matches are able to rebuild trust in the relationship.

**It is okay to put a "hold" on this conversation with your Little at anytime to discuss the situation with your MSS first. Just say,

"Thank you for sharing this with me. I am sure that was really difficult! I understand you want my help on this subject, and I would love to discuss this with you further. But first, I need to check-in with [your MSS] to make sure I help you in the right way."

What to do if your Little's Parent/Guardian discloses a Little's sexual activity:

1. Listen calmly. Allow the Parent/Guardian to disclose any information and/or vent about the situation. Staying calm will help to normalize the situation and to keep the Parent/Guardian as calm as possible if they are upset.

2. Ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand the situation and everyone is communicating clearly.

   1. What does the Parent/Guardian know happened vs. what the Parent/Guardian thinks may have happened?

   2. Has the Parent/Guardian spoken with their child?

   3. Does your Little know that you are being informed? How does your Little feel about you knowing this information?

   4. Is your Little safe and healthy?

3. Reassure your Little's Parent/Guardian that they have your support and that your primary concern is also your Little's safety. You are not judging them, their parenting skills, nor your Little.

4. Discuss with your Little's Parent/Guardian what your role should be.

   1. What does the Parent/Guardian want you to do or talk about with your Little?

   2. What are their views on early sexual activity? On contraception? On STI education?

   3. What are you, the Big, comfortable with doing or discussing? What are you NOT comfortable with? Let them know your own boundaries and limits. Keep in mind that, even with the "okay" of a Parent/Guardian and even if you are comfortable doing so, you should NEVER provide contraception, reproductive options, or transportation to obtain any contraception or reproductive options.

   4. Should you approach your Little along with their Parent/Guardian or privately on an outing? Or wait until your Little tells you directly?

5. Decide on your next steps. Be sure to remind your Little's Parent/Guardian that there are no secrets in the program and that your MSS needs to be informed of what is going on.

   1. They may need reassuring that early sexual activity DOES NOT make a Little ineligible for the program.

6. Inform your MSS immediately! This not only protects your Little, but also protects YOU!

*It is okay to put a "hold" on this conversation with Parent/Guardian at anytime to discuss the situation with your MSS first. Just say,

"I understand how stressful and scary this must be for you as a parent! I would love to discuss this with you further, but I need to check-in with [your MSS] first to make sure we are following agency policy and I am not overstepping my boundaries."