Tip #8

In the past weeks, we shared tips on setting the right expectations (TIP#1), asking the right questions (TIP#2), how to be involved in the first practice (TIP #3), avoiding the words ‘hard and easy’ while describing their work (TIP#4), accepting negative feelings as part of your musical growth (TIP#5), rethinking the meaning of ‘talent’ (TIP#6) and considering practice a skill (TIP #7).

When our children start music lessons, we, as parents, might have expectations that are not necessarily intentional or realistic. These expectations might be about the amount of practice a student should have, how fast a student should improve, how autonomous they should be, how involved a teacher should be, how our children should be as good as this other student etc.

It is important to recognize that emotions based on expectations might reflect on our communication with our children, influence their freedom and blur the clarity to build their own expectations.

How to recognize:

• Ask yourself for your intentional expectations about music education
• Observe yourself to notice your unintentional expectations
• Reevaluate how realistic these expectations are
• Determine the importance of these expectations
• Reconsider if/how urgently they need to be fulfilled

How to support:

• Listen to and observe your children (as objectively as possible)
• Compare to see if your expectations are in the lines with your children’s
• Compromise based on your children’s expectations
• Be ready to let go of some of your expectations to provide the longevity for their music education
• Accept that expectations should be shaped by the current realities of a student (age, personality, motivation, family background, musical exposure, amount of extracurricular activities, correct emotional support etc.)
• Discuss with your teacher how realistic your expectations are
• Have short term expectations to experience more frequent fulfillments
• Praise every time they accomplish a short term expectation with specific points rather than “good job” (ex. “I loved how the song was faster than the last time you played”; “it was great seeing you come out of your lesson with a big smile;” “I appreciate you choosing what time you would like to practice today”)
• Mention less of the long term expectations as children are developmentally not ready to comprehend and appreciate that far ahead

This support system will empower our children within and provide space for them to search for their own voice, find motivation, and build self-esteem and self-discipline.

Next week, we will go more into the specifics of music practice.

May you know you are making a difference, even if your child never tells you themselves.

We would be more than happy to answer any questions and provide more specific consultancy if needed.

Thank you for being a part of the PianoAlpharetta community!