Tip #20

We all know that it works well when we offer ice cream, candy, toys or more screen time to our children to get them to do something quickly or at least at the time we want them to do it.

Although this is an effective short term solution, the frequent use of this system might work against us in the long term. Our children can easily rely on these kinds of rewards and take music practice as a way to get to the reward rather than achieving positive outcomes from their practice.

We understand that using rewards might not align with some families’ parenting principles. If you consider using rewards, below are some suggestions we would like to share.

We use the term ‘reward’ in this email, each family can make adjustments for how they would like to refer to these offers. We suggest that parents use words complimenting on their children’s work (hard-work treat, work-done trip, etc) rather than using the words ‘prize, ‘award’ etc.

As parents and teachers, we know that we have influence on children’s value systems (TIP #8). Bringing a variety while incorporating rewards widens their world with more possibilities. It is fascinating to witness how happy children get from receiving the smallest things!

Many parents use practice charts however instead, we recommend using daily, weekly and/or monthly goals (TIP #17) as milestones to receive rewards.

Once a routine is established (TIP #9), we can choose not to offer a reward every time or we can choose different kinds of rewards for daily, weekly, monthly, yearly goals, after auditions and recitals.

Here are some examples:

• Giving a colored marker for each repetition of a piece and they get to draw a picture with those colors at the end of the practice (same can be done with toys they choose to play at the end of their practice)
• Offering quality mommy and/or daddy time
• Scheduling a playdate
• Helping them organize their room so they are not alone
• Allowing them to play outside longer
• Cooking together their favorite food
• Letting them handle the shopping cart at the grocery store (even this :)
• Taking them to a concert, movie, puppet show, play etc
• Most importantly, giving them positive comments (next week we will be talking about positive reinforcement verses negative enforcement and the power of words)

Instead of using generic rewards, we can concentrate on our children’s interests, hobbies, likes etc

Additionally, each reward might loose its importance pretty quickly and that is another reason for us to continue using our own creativity while coming up with new rewards.

If we would like our children to be involved in the process of choosing rewards, it is important to give them certain limitations beforehand (no food items, no screen time requests etc), so there is no set up for disappointment. This allows us to provide them the direction we would like them to follow.

As we discussed in TIP #18, providing them choices for rewards gives children a sense of control which they feel lacking as most of the decisions are made by their parents. So anytime you have an opportunity, give your children options to empower them and help develop their decision making skills.

It is also ok that sometimes no rewards work and our children simply need more space and time to start a process.

Older students can treat themselves with a meal at a nice restaurant, walk in nature or more Netflix time :)

Though for all students, the goal is that we get to a place of fulfillment and playing an instrument or singing becomes a reward on its own!

What do you think you/your children would like?

May you know you are making a difference, even if your children never tell you themselves.

We would be more than happy to answer any questions and provide more specific consultancy if needed.

Thank you for being a part of the PianoAlpharetta community!