Do not mourn for me
Nuala
I can feel you even now
separated though we are by this horizonless night
with all the unfolded space stretching between us
I can feel you
and the supple curves of your neck and shoulders
you are the only warmth in this cold place
where the galaxies themselves
are less than pinpricks of light
I cannot see my hands or my feet
or any part of me
the absence of light breaks me down
and renders me incomplete
but I can still feel you
Nuala
feel your fingertips touching my lips
the way you did
on our first night together
and on our last
in those quickening moments
before we kissed
and how you took my breath away
and how you take it still
it is the coming-home kiss I love best of all
but my ship is gone
destroyed from without and from within
and there is no going home now
no folding my night to your night
to find our shared fixed point
our star
our home
I am falling
and I will fall forever now
drawn by the gravity of
some distant mass and matter
unseen
indescribable
unknown
falling in the wrong direction
falling away from home
falling away from you
but I can still feel you
Nuala
how is this possible?
the sensation is more than just
memory
more than my imagination
how can I smell you?
sealed in my suit as I am
dying by these slow degrees
and of all the things I could have smelled
would you believe
I smell your shampoo
I would rather smell your breath
or your pillow
your red sweater
or your sweat
but it’s that ordinary
over-the-counter-scent
of orange blossoms and vanilla that I smell
and it makes me smile
and regret
I should have fixed the roof
reseeded the lawn
rehung the front gate
and all the other things too
that I promised I would do before I left
but those are promises now I cannot keep
can you still hear me
Nuala?
my oxygen and power are nearly gone
it's getting colder
and it’s time I think
for me to sleep
but how I wish
you could have seen
what I have seen
not the comets and the clustered stars
the bending light or the great empty
that waits between
no
none of those things
but rather I wish just once
that you could see the sight of you
through my eyes
and feel what I feel
when I look at you
you are my love
and the apotheosis of my dreams
and I hope
I pray
we dream together one last time
this night
you and I
Nuala
one last time
before I dream no more.