Zaxby's

Zaxby’s prides itself on being the ‘Official Chicken of Sports Fanz’. So much so, they trademarked it.

No wonder we’re all miserable.

It was not until a few weeks ago that I even learned of the name. There was an unshunnable hype that piqued my interest; the mere mention of Zaxby’s had my Twitter timeline giddy and feverish. With the opening of their first location in northern Virginia, I hurried myself to eagerly wait at their endless lines that wrapped far into the nearby gas station. Once I got through the doors, my foodie dreams were almost complete. The farmhouse chic walls, donned with quaint lights and catchy slogans, seemed welcoming enough. Even the bathroom doors wore themselves a vintage aura, the pathways covered with rustic signs. It was as clear as the misplaced Arctic Monkeys song playing from the speakers what homestyle, idyllic Southern aesthetic Zaxby’s was aiming for. For that, I do not hesitate in my praise of the interior designer. Unfortunately, that praise is short-lived for everything else Zaxby’s has to offer. It did not take long for me to recognize Zaxby’s as the boyfriend who promises you the world, only to go on and tear apart that very premise with his own bare hands.

The employees were sluggish for what comically long lines they have, and their attitude hardly makes up for it. After dashing back and forth for nearly half an hour, I wasn’t greeted with a smile, but rather the knowledge that it would take another grueling forty minutes to simply toast my bread and fry a handful of potatoes. It didn’t stop there; the very coupons I was given at the front door were met with confusion as well. My server blankly stared at me for a while, perhaps waiting for me to explain to her what she was supposed to do, when I was about as knowledgeable on Zaxby’s policy as a turtle on nuclear physics. It was not until two of her coworkers called for help from their manager, who finally apologized and keyed in the sequence. Their inexperience and service is hard to justify when the neighboring Dunkin Donuts and Royal Farms both pay less, while still maintaining more enthusiastic and skilled staff. The bar wasn’t that high, but Zaxby’s tripped anyway.

After fussing with my wallet for a few minutes—because Zaxby’s doesn’t accept mobile pay, despite all of its main competitors having had that option available for years—I took a seat and continued to wait for my meal. When it came, my hunger immediately drove me to dig in, much to my imminent disappointment. Whatever spice I could faintly muster from the boneless wings tasted like extreme regret, and the chicken itself was no more enjoyable than chewing the leather from my grandmother’s couch. At the very least, for the price of $10 plus tax, I expected a larger serving than ten marble sized pieces of glorified nuggets. The buns that came with my sandwich were burnt black at the edges, and the fries on the side didn’t really taste like anything other than a tablespoon of salt. Their famed Zax sauce wasn’t much more than repackaged spicy ranch, but still safely forgettable compared to the rest of the trainwreck.

Wanting to give it another try, my friends and I decided to order some desert. Depending on your appetite, you’d love or hate the cookies—the sugar and chocolate was overwhelming, to the point I had to chug the rest down with water. The brownies face a similar downfall, and both dishes don’t make sense to purchase when you could have easily walked across the street and bought far better storebrand Harris Teeter snacks for significantly less. At this point, I took a look around and couldn’t find many happy customers either. Many were actually leaving the lines in exasperated frustration, and the poor manager consoled and refunded a few customers on the side.

While Zaxby's failed to gain my approval, I don't think it'll be gaining the favor of our fellow marine animals either. The styrofoam cups and plates were a ridiculous sight in the age of rising global warming rates. It is understandable at this price point to expect disposable and cheap cutlery, but it is not much to ask for paper containers when even McDonald’s—who sells their sandwiches for $1.59—can do that, for crying out loud! Not only were the containers not recyclable, but they were also flimsy and could barely keep themselves closed. It was the nail in the coffin to my contemplation of why I had spent $35.43 to eat away my naivete.

I understand now why ignorance is bliss. The popularity and ease will probably place rose-tinted glasses on the hearts of Zaxby’s ardent supporters, who claim the chain is superior than KFC, Popeyes, and God forbid, Chick-fil-a. Yet, with the ridiculously priced and poorly seasoned dishes, inexperienced workers, and unsustainable model of operation, it is hard to ever see a future where a Zaxby’s dinner pops up in my head for consideration again.

Zaxby’s

43820 Eastgate Shoppes Dr

Chantilly, VA 20152