Dairy Queen

The Dairy Queen in South Riding has everything you need. It contains bland food, repetitive channels, high blood pressure, and heart disease for the whole family.

The minute I walked through those doors, I was greeted with a sigh. This confused me as I was the only customer there. Did the workers think it would be empty? I guess I would have too if I had eaten their food before I had entered.

The excitement in those workers eyes really helped set the mood of the restaurant in addition to all the empty seats. Lets not forget about the TV and how it repeats the same Dairy Queen advertisement over and over. Do you really need to convince your customers that they need to come to Dairy Queen while they’re in Dairy Queen? Now I know why they put the tables outside.

I mean at least the table and seats were clean … after we rubbed off the melted, chocolate stains that took over the entire restaurant. No bother, less work for the workers, am I right?

The ordering went fine, but the preparation was a nightmare. Did the employees of Dairy Queen ever wear gloves? They grabbed my cone with their bare hands, was this allowed? According to their website, it was, in fact it is completely optional for the employees to wear gloves. They might as well put a sign out front saying “We serve ice cream! But don’t forget to take your antibiotics because you never know what you're going to catch!”

How about that chocolate dipped cone? How about it. They just kept swirling and swirling more vanilla then dipped it in a pool of chocolate like the one from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, just with less excitement. You really get your moneys worth with this one as it includes a free addition of high blood pressure, just enough to pass you out.

A great thing about Dairy Queen is their pricing. I guess it could be money well spent if you were to ignore the Harris Teeter and Walgreens next door. Those only sell ice cream for cheaper and with more flavor. Why buy that when you can go to Dairy Queen and get an ice cream handmade by some stranger without any sanitary caution?

I could say they only served ice cream, but that wouldn’t be true, might as well though. I ordered fries and a burger. Did burgers always have that sour after taste? Did fries always taste so plain? I guess the ice cream isn’t the only thing they put in the freezer.

Burgers at other restaurants make your mouth water whereas in Dairy Queen the burgers might as well be water.

Of course you must think Dairy Queen isn’t known for their burgers, but their ice cream. How do you explain the fact that McDonalds, a restaurant dedicated to making burgers, serves better ice cream than the ones in Dairy Queen?

A Dairy Queen classic, the blizzard. Why do they always flip it before serving it to you? My guess, to distract you of its taste. Next time I order, I’ll be sure to ask them for more oreos because the two handfuls they put in weren’t enough.

Have they ever heard of portion control? The size “small” is 12 ounces. For a kid ordering a small Oreo Blizzard, they would be taking in half of their recommended calorie intake for the day. Of course for an adult, they would be taking in heart disease, but they don’t need to know that.

Lets focus on their choice of name for a minute, Dairy Queen. I understand the “Dairy” aspect because the lactase really gives you a punch to the face, but how about the “Queen” aspect? If this is what they call royalty food then I would rather be a peasant.

Many may disagree with me and talk about how Dairy Queen has been open for almost eighty years. They will also talk about how often they go to Dairy Queen. I guess that's why it’s so empty now.

Dairy Queen

25401 Eastern Marketplace Plaza Ste 180

South Riding, VA 20152