Chili's

Walking into Chili’s, the nostalgia was real: the fighting with my older brother at the table in the back near the “baby back ribs sign”, the talk of politics between my brother and dad while my mom and I just stare at each other laughing because we don’t understand any of it, and most of all, the fight between my mom, brother, and I between the infamous Chili’s molten lava cake. But now I don’t eat dairy or meat.

So, what do I do now?

I’ve been vegan since July; imagine my subconscious’ shock and disbelief when I decide to break my vegan streak over some mediocre quesadillas from Chili’s. I knew my stomach wasn’t going to like it, but I was ready to spend the rest of the night over the toilet, throwing up the overly-oily food. Sorry for the vivid image, but it’s just how my body reacts to food that’s been deep-fried for no reason.

I walk in with a friend and we are neither greeted nor seated. We stand watching Tom and Jerry on their tiny 12 inch tv, waiting with another family. To be fair, it was a Sunday night; actually, that doesn’t help their cause-- at all.

Does the fact that their customer service was awful make it an awful restaurant?

Not always. But in my case, it does: Chili’s is horrible, but that won’t stop me from constantly eating there with my friends for old-times sake.

We’re finally seated after waiting 10 minutes. We’re not apologized to, we’re not given a free dessert; instead, we’re seated in the bar area, despite being 16 years old. I get over it; there’s no need to complain about being seated in a place that isn’t age-appropriate; it’s not like I’m going to be writing a review on it.

Our waiter arrives; he’s kind in greeting us. Too bad he leaves as soon as he seats us, scurrying off to help the other tables. Immediately, I realize this restaurant has a serious understaffing problem. I ignore it, and decide to look for something to eat.

I tried to find a vegan option that wasn’t a salad. I didn’t find one, but that’s not what made it so unpleasant. What made it so god-awful and dreadful was the fact that this so-called “Mexican” restaurant was the embodiment of greasy, fat-filled American food. Just opening the menu, I could smell the stomach pain I was going to endure.

I pushed through it; this was my favorite restaurant as a child-- why would anything be different now? Well, for starters, I’m now 5 years older than I was the last time I ate at Chili’s with my family.

Deciding on the bacon ranch quesadillas, (you know, without the bacon, because if we’re going to break our vegan streak, I probably shouldn’t eat meat and dairy at the same time), I order my greasy, fat-filled food, along with ginger-ale, so my stomach can have a break.

Waiting for the food, I notice how depressing the restaurant really is: the crying babies and stressed parents, the obnoxiously loud hockey game on TV, and irritated and exhausted staff running around, trying to get everyone’s orders in on time without any complaints.

But, the depressing ambiance only gets worse as our food arrives.

The quesadillas are displayed circularly, somehow looking sorrowful; how could quesadillas look glum? Is it the oozing cheese coming out of them, or is it the fact that the part of me that truly wants to be 100% vegan, finds anything related to meat or dairy unfortunate?

No, it’s the excess of oozing cheese.

Gross.

My friend’s food is displayed beautifully; her shrimp is carefully placed around her pasta, and her pasta is carefully sauced. Maybe they just messed up on my food because I asked them to make accommodations to my food, but shouldn’t a large and famous restaurant chain be able to make an accommodation without completely messing up the way my food’s supposed to look?

The food itself was satisfactory. It satisfied my cravings, despite the surplus of cheese. The crunchy covering was of high quality, so I did my best to ignore the grease quickly filling my stomach. The ginger ale was okay, but the taste of dish soap in the glass cup distracted me. Whatever the sauce in the food was made of was exceptional, and the vegetables added in the quesadillas tasted fresh, even if they weren’t.

As soon as I was done with my main course, I was ready for the molten lava cake. The cake only took a few minutes to come out, which tells me it was either frozen or already in the oven, ready to be served. The cake is big enough to share between 3-4 people, therefore I couldn’t finish it, despite having someone to share it with.

I used to be able to finish half of one of those by myself; times have changed.

As soon as I took my first bite, my stomach felt queasy. I knew I shouldn’t have continued to eat it, but I couldn’t miss out on their infamous cake, so I greedily swallowed it down.

Bad idea.

I immediately felt nauseous. I’ve never felt like this after eating. Was it the smell of familiar Smirnoff finding its way into my nose, or was it the cake and fatty food settling into my stomach?

It was both. I knew not speaking up about sitting in the bar would come back to haunt me, but I didn’t know it was going to be so soon.

My friend paid with card, and I patiently waited for my waiter to come by to pick up my cash.

So we waited. And waited. And waited.

And then we waited some more.

20 minutes go by, and I’m still waiting.

I get if you’re understaffed, and I get it if you can’t get to me right away, but 20 minutes?

The customer service was appalling, so I just decided to get up and give him the money. I left right after that, and before I drove off, the BudLight in the parking lot triggered something in my stomach, and I threw up in the plants.

Poor plants. My condolences.

I waited 10 minutes before being seated, I waited for an acceptable amount of time for my food, then waited surprisingly little time for my cake, and then waited 20 minutes for the waiter to grab my check.

Waited, waited, waited. That’s all I did: I waited, ate mediocre food surrounded by the smell of Jack and Smirnoff, drank dish-soap infused ginger ale, and then threw up.

Will I go again?

Will I skip the actual meal and just go straight to dessert?

Yes and yes.

Chili’s

10600 Sudley Manor Dr.

City of Manassas, VA 20109