TEACH THEM RESPECT

Most girls are given advice about “sexual violence prevention”: don’t wear too short dresses or skirts, never leave your drink unattended, don’t walk alone at night and don’t wear high heels and so on. But what are boys taught about this?

Research confirms that most parents have this conversation with their daughters only. Very few people receive formal education on this topic. To whatever extent conversations about risk reduction might help individual girls think about their safety, they are ultimately ineffective when it comes to prevention. This is principally due to the rape culture, “a society or environment whose prevailing social attitudes have the effect of normalizing or trivializing sexual assault and abuse” (definition from The Oxford Languages). That attitude is also reflected in the fact that assaulters often face minimal consequences: according to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, out of every 1,000 rapes, as many as 994 perpetrators walk free.

What’s to be done to eliminate this common idea about sexual violence?

First of all, it is necessary to teach all children about consent. Everyone should be free to say “no” when asked for physical touch, even kids: if a little one doesn't want to hug his uncle at Christmas dinner, that’s fine, because it’s his body, his choice. Children will learn how to act by their parental figure’s action, so in order for them to understand consent, they have to see it from adults. A good way to let them know that they have a choice in this, is asking IF they want a hug or a kiss before we give them one. If they say no, we simply tell them we understand, without blaming them or judging them. This education, like all good prevention, should start early and occur often. It should go beyond what girls can do to prevent being victims, to the attitudes that boys have about women and about masculinity, and the actions that men can take to promote mutual respect because that's what this is about: the secret here is not to teach boys “not to rape.” It is a matter of teaching them respect. Teaching children that they are not entitled to anything from anyone but that they are all deserving of respect.

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