I experienced real loss for the first time on October 24, 2016. Not like my great-grandmother that died when I was three. Or Nemo because he was a fish. My grandfather Adam Taliercio (or like I called him Baba) died on that day. But let me take you back a week later where to me he really was dead. The moment I had been waiting for was here. My mother and I had just driven two and a half hours to the hospital where he was being treated. Just a week ago I thought my father was helping my Mimi with her computer, but little to my knowledge it was so much more than that. When we got out of the car my mother was saying, “Don't forget to hug Mimi because she's really upset.” But all I could think about was seeing my Baba. A couple days ago I had sent a message to my Baba on my dad's phone in hopes that he would wake up from hearing my voice. But since that didn’t work I figured doing it in person would work. When I got to the room though seeing his cold body strapped to tubes and hoses as if he was a cyborg, I just couldn’t do it. Seeing him like this I ran out of the room and cried like I never had before. I mean in my head I was already in a room with a corpse.

About a week later I settled in with the fact that my grandfather was dead. We had planned the funeral ahead of time and it had happened. When I was at the funeral I kneeled for over an hour talking to his corpse about what I was going to do without him. I told him I would keep Mimi safe and healthy. I heard someone whisper in the crowd how bad it must be for me. But I didn't care, I just made sure that I said goodbye. After the funeral I went home with my parents.

A couple of weeks later we went back to Mimi's house just to spend time with her and to see if she was doing okay. But when I got to his chair that he usually sat in I started to cry. It was just hard to see that chair empty while I was at his house. We used to have really long conversations there, in his chair. I remember everything, even the ottoman of the chair. That’s where he taught me how to tie my shoes. It was also there where he tickled me and we played tricks on each other and I pretended to beat him up with a noodle. These were times that were so very important to me and after many years, I am at peace.